DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

[Pinkpetal9999]

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

@Pinkpetal9999

Is there anyone you can trust to hold or watch the baby for a few hours, so that you can get some rest?

Op's baby, if she doesn't want them picked up by the kids before x amount of months without help that's her decision.
Yanbu.

Hey OP, I think your concern is completely reasonable.

I wasn't comfortable with anyone picking up my then 4 week old without me being present in the room (apart from my husband, mum, dad and MIL, FIL)

I once witnessed my SIL pick up my then newborn in a completely awkward and unsafe manner.

Of course reassure your DSD that she can have bonding time / hold baby whenever she would like to and all she needs to do is ask you to help / supervise.

It is human nature to be protective of your little one, and for a good reason - don't be sorry for it and ignore all the rude comments

@Pinkpetal9999, I’d leave this post now if I were you because a vast majority of posters on here are batshit.
It’s irrelevant whether it was your step daughter/biological son/or any other person other than your husband that picked the sleeping baby up. Nobody should be doing that without your permission! End of.
All this’ ‘Oh the poor girl’ blah blah blah. She shouldn’t be picking a sleeping newborn up. The baby isn’t a toy or a plaything ffs!

@Itstheshowgirl

I agree with your post. I’m not an ex wife and our family lives all together, but my heart naturally goes out to a 12 year old girl who was staying with her dad and step mum, and who made her step mum feel ‘horror’ because she’d picked up the new born baby. Teaching a 12 year old to pick up and hold a new born is important, but I had an instinctive reaction towards the 12 year old girl, wanted her to feel included, wanting her to feel accepted in the family and also wanting her to enjoy her sibling. This naturally lead me and others to form a lot of assumptions, not necessarily accurate, but there is a reason for this.

The OP’s responses then seemed really defensive and a bit mean which reinforces the idea that something is off about the dynamic. That may well be wrong but, again, there is a reason why this created a similar reaction with many of the readers.

You phase the post in dramatic language then act shocked with responses? Your post implies ill intent

@Pinkpetal9999

The simplest thing to do here is to gather the children (bio or step) and explain that due to the baby being very young and not yet having good head or neck or control, may they please come and ask you or dad before they pick up the baby or put the baby down.

When they do come and ask you just demonstrate how the pick up or put down should be done, and remind them again that before all pick ups or put downs they need to check with Mum or Dad first, every single time.

As someone that has been in your DSD position, please do not do anything to jeopardise the bonding. I understand that you would prefer to let her hold the baby in a couple of weeks instead, but if she feels rejected now, it might be too late afterwards. Teenagers feel rejected quite easily.

I would just explain how to hold the baby and if you really don’t want her to, I wouldn’t let them alone for a second so that you are always there to help.

That she wanted to hold the baby while you weren’t there is probably for a reason. She wants to test how it feels to bond with the baby on her own.

you need to relax. Babies get pulled out of vaginas by the heads in steel brackets, they are very robust.

Jesus I trust my 5 year old to pick up the newborn baby. I take it its your first. You are being very precious. Like ppl have said its her home too, she is definitely not visiting!

At 12 years old (and younger, actually) I could safely lift a baby and place them back down, as I was taught how to do this. Teach your DSD how to do it or make the rules clear she cannot without supervision.

If you don’t feel comfortable talking to her about it, is there a reason her dad can’t do it?

I don’t think it’s inherently unreasonable not to want his siblings handling him unsupervised but I don’t see why it’s such a big issue. Isn’t it just a question of gently and affectionately saying (to all siblings) something along the lines of ‘you’re welcome to have a cuddle with your baby brother whenever you want but just let one of us know first - and please don’t wake him when he’s sleeping.’

Is this baby your first, by any chance?

'Delicate' - has he got some additional physical problems that you're not telling us about? His head isn't going to fall off you know!

Please also have some consideration for the poor 12 year old whose life has changed considerably with the appearance of a new baby sibling and who you just see as a 'visitor'. Its her home too no matter how much/ little time she spends with you. By being in a relationship with her father, you are in loco parentis whether you like it or not. Please don't make her feel like she can't even touch her sibling.

A quick explanation and demo of how to pick him up safely is all that is needed (which would have been much easier than posting on here).

It is not her first child. She has an 11 year old son who has been mentioned a few times.

It doesn't matter what other people do, if this mum would rather the siblings did not lift her baby that is her (and dh) perfectly reasonable choice. Baby is passed to siblings whenever they like so plenty of opportunity to bond.

Yet another horrendous, bullying, nasty AF pile on to an OP. This forum seriously needs to change.

Well done for standing up for yourself, OP.

OK, but that doesn't explain why she can't just say that to the other children, rather than making a big drama out of it. His head still isn't going to fall off. Its all so dramatic!

I still feel sorry for the 'visiting' stepdaughter.

@AstonScrapingsNameChange please enlighten me as to what she is doing then, or what you would say she is doing?

I do think it’s rude to call a mum a “bio mum”, unless the context is the child was given up for adoption or something like that. Can you not see why?

Yep

And I think the vast majority of people would agree that it's not right to say 'biological' mum unless in the context of an adoption

Being present with her family?

@purpleme12 I really don’t see any issue in it. If my eldest son’s step mum referred to me as my son’s biological mum I wouldn’t lose any sleep or find any offence in it.

@Blessthismess2 i mean this in terms of context of the sentence. So how would PP have phrased what I said?

@Didimum let’s hope said people aren’t raising children who act as they do

Who would care apart from what is said on Mumsnet. Bored people come on here to vent or off load. Why would someone be offended at being called bio mum. Most people are not that sensitive.

Feels like you’re being plenty dramatic for everyone…