DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

[Pinkpetal9999]

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

My point still stands, about showing her how to do these things, she is the sister, a 12 year old girl is extremely likely to want to pick up their newborn baby sibling, I remember being 11 and desperate to constantly pick up and hold my cousins newborn baby. So again teach her, explain and make it as safe as possible not ban outright. That's how I would go about it and how I did go about it, my DD is now 3.5 and rough and tumbles more than her older brothers did.

OP, I think the problem with this thread is that you put DSD in the title.
That attracted the stepmother haters.

Next time just put DD 😁

nicely, this is such bullshit. I had a baby a year ago, also integrating him into a blended family with two preteen step kids and was tightly wound during the first few months but was never told this load of garbage, thank god. Your baby won’t be confused, they know who their parents and caregivers are. Just relax, let their siblings bond and show them how to care for the baby properly.

Just demonstrate to her how it's done.

It's your job to guide your step-children and help them to become fully functioning adults. If you don't teach her how to hold a baby how will she know how to hold her own?

@RimTimTagiDim No, I can't read. My mistake - I assumed it was your posting history that had been invaded, since you were so incensed on the behalf of the victim of that terrible violation. Yet somehow, everyone who is in support of the OP is worthy of your criticism and unpleasant comments about their intelligence and maturity. It's a bit hypocritical of you.

Yes, I agree with this advice.

I'm not incensed.

I have noticed the OP's defenders writing childish replies, using immature hyperbole (like "victim of that terrible violation"), and using laughing emojis as a form of punctuation.

You need to show her. It's stuff we need to learn anyway and babies can't have enough people who love them.

Babies are tougher than you think though.

You should have gently corrected her in the moment. That was your mistake.
She needs to know NOT to pick her baby DC up without either parent there: baby DC is a delicate human, not a bloody toy.

They really do though. The child's fathers home, is her home, and you clearly see her as an intruder, and she dared touch your pnb. You are seriously out of order here, wholly and exclusively

Don't be so ridiculous!

Just curious and sorry if I've missed it, but is he especially delicate or just newborn delicate?

Joining the chorus to say that you need to show her (and your son) how to handle the baby safely.

Many years ago my younger brother, aged 12, was involved with the care of our (much) younger sister from day one, holding, feeding, winding, (terry) nappy changes, the works. Our mother was ill and we all mucked in. She was and is absolutely fine.

It was actually a sarcastic comment. You may like to check the definition of hyperbole before using the term again, but if not, examples might include 'I cried a river of tears' or 'I died laughing'.

Nice try at using a 'clever' word, though.

Another great example of both childishness and unintelligence. You may want to revise your knowledge of the word hyperbole.

Wow, what an unpleasant stretch based on the language OP used initially and which she has explained. The policing of language used and the subsequent attachment of things which only exist in posters heads is really getting in the way of reasoned debate on MN lately.

I'm not arguing with you. I'm saying that your response is disproportionate, and that the best course of action is to teach both children how to pick up their sibling correctly. Life lessons for them and means everyone is safe.
You do you though, why would all us people bother commenting...... 🤨

It’s not hard actually to damage a newborn and they need careful lifting to support their neck. But a 12 year old can be taught that.

I think this too

@Rosscameasdoody MN is rife for it, very strange. I saw someone get eaten alive for calling their DSD mother her bio mother the other day. It wasn’t exactly needed in the post but it wasn’t to cause offence it was just to be clear and Jesus Christ did the ex wives club come out in force.
Said child wanted to call her mum as she had been a bit part of her life, yet apparently she was to fault. Absolute insanity.

"I love the fact that you care for your brother, he's very lucky to have you as his big sister. Let me show you how to take him in and out safely." Then ask her something relevant about herself.

When I had my baby earlier this year, we were very clear with all the children that they weren’t to pick up the baby willy nilly and to ask if they wanted to hold. Ages range from 14-8.

The difficulty with combination feeding is it can actually have the effect of supply going down.
Are you getting support from Breastfeeding experts?

I would express frequently and put baby to breast more often. Reduce formula and top up only after BF and reduce amount each time.

By BF even if you don't think baby is getting any milk it sends the order to make more milk by using formula and bottles it tells your body milk isn't needed so body makes less and bottles can confuse the baby suckling and make it harder to get milk.
I would stop dad feeding with bottles asap and if necessary get a supplementry feeding system so baby is only in breast but getting top ups at same time via tube next to breast but this may not be necessary if you just sit and feed every time baby is hungry switching sides as many times as needed

OP, not everyone here is crazy and there have been a lot of sensible posts. You posted on AIBU and most people have responded to say you were unreasonable and they explained why. The reason this thread is dragging on is because you seem to have dismissed the majority view and have become really defensive. That doesn’t work very well with this forum because it then all descends into an argument. If you want to persuade others that you are right, that isn’t going to work here. If you are sure you are right then there’s no point posting about it. If you are open to advice or other perspectives then this can be a helpful forum.

There are lots of reasons that someone might not want their baby picked up at random points, my MIL used to come in and pick mine up straight away even if I had just got them off to sleep, I asked her not too and she didn’t care one bit. Babies aren’t toys and parents should be asked before they are picked up.

The step daughter thing is what has got people riled up and while there are many, many awful threads from step-mothers being horrible about their step children on MN I don’t think this is one of them.

Although OP you do yourself no favours calling people the ex wife club. I am no ex wife but still take the side of the step child in almost every post as I think a lot of step parents on this platform are vile, like I say though in the case of this thread I think you would have different answers if it was your own child you posted about.