Page 16 | DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

Pinkpetal9999 · 2025-09-02T06:19:55+00:00

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room. However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back. Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

Didimum · 02/09/2025 19:23

Blessthismess2 · 02/09/2025 18:59

I do think it’s rude to call a mum a “bio mum”, unless the context is the child was given up for adoption or something like that. Can you not see why?

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It’s just casual language on an internet forum. Completely unnecessary for anyone to rip the shit out of anyone over it.

Didimum · 02/09/2025 19:25

Blessthismess2 · 02/09/2025 19:02

Being present with her family?

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Why isn’t she being present with her family in the first place?

Emmafuller79 · 02/09/2025 19:26

Namechangerage · 02/09/2025 08:26

Your response was a tad dramatic though 🤣

PROTECT YOUR BABY AGAINST THE EVIL STEPSISTER!!!!

Just no!! All OP needs to do is ask DSD not to pick baby up without you there, to be safe. Say that she is very welcome to have a cuddle and you can bring baby over and teach her what to do. Why does it even matter that the stepdaughter isn’t her biological daughter?

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Is that your best reply?😂 I dont know what your going on about. My toddler makes more sense then you! have a day of 👍

Readyforslippers · 02/09/2025 19:27

I dont understand the problem. It isn't that hard to gently put a baby down, especially for a 12 year old.

Petitchat · 02/09/2025 19:31

Anotherdayanotherusername111 · 02/09/2025 14:14

Jesus I trust my 5 year old to pick up the newborn baby. I take it its your first. You are being very precious. Like ppl have said its her home too, she is definitely not visiting!

Definitely not visiting.

If she doesn't live there and is there for the day, what IS she doing then?

Dropping by?
Calling round?
Coming over?

What?

Petitchat · 02/09/2025 19:37

Didimum · 02/09/2025 18:09

Yet another horrendous, bullying, nasty AF pile on to an OP. This forum seriously needs to change.

Well done for standing up for yourself, OP.

Yes, that's what I thought.
People really need to stand up to these bullying thread derailers.
Well done from me too, OP.

Petitchat · 02/09/2025 19:40

Blessthismess2 · 02/09/2025 19:02

Being present with her family?

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So, the DSD was there, being present with her family...

😁 😁 😁

Sharptonguedwoman · 02/09/2025 19:45

Heartsonfire · 02/09/2025 08:46

You’re getting a terribly hard time on this post OP. I find it a bit strange! Shocked at the person that tried to say a 4 week old isn’t delicate. These posts seem to invite the strangest and most vicious attitudes towards new mums. Please ignore them. Having recently had a baby I can back you up on the feeding thing.
Maybe it’s a generational thing of people forgetting what it was like to have babies, or alternatively they’re from THAT generation (you know the ones… trying to touch your baby in the supermarket… shudder). maybe some people on this thread need reminding why infant death has dramatically decreased since since 90’s. Survivor bias.

YANBU, I wouldn’t want a 12 year old lifting up my tiny baby either, the “she’s 12 not 2” comments are odd. She’s still a child that doesn’t know how to do it correctly. Her being your SC seems irrelevant but people have obsessively jumped on it.

I would teach her how to do it, but also explain please don’t take him in an out of his Moses basket without you there. You can explain it in a nice way no need to be embarrassed. You’re protecting your child. Don’t let them make you out to be a wicked step mother not wanting a child to man handle your 4 week old baby. People on this site are so weird.

Edited

Goodness , what a lot of drama over a skill that a 12 yr old can pick up in 2 minutes.

Didimum · 02/09/2025 19:46

Readyforslippers · 02/09/2025 19:27

I dont understand the problem. It isn't that hard to gently put a baby down, especially for a 12 year old.

Clearly the 12yr old wasn’t doing that.

Didimum · 02/09/2025 19:49

Sharptonguedwoman · 02/09/2025 19:45

Goodness , what a lot of drama over a skill that a 12 yr old can pick up in 2 minutes.

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Can you explain the drama? OP is concerned about both newborn and upsetting a sensitive 12yr old. The only people making this a drama are bullying posters.

Sharptonguedwoman · 02/09/2025 19:50

Didimum · 02/09/2025 19:49

Can you explain the drama? OP is concerned about both newborn and upsetting a sensitive 12yr old. The only people making this a drama are bullying posters.

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I think enough advice has been given already.

Didimum · 02/09/2025 19:52

Sharptonguedwoman · 02/09/2025 19:50

I think enough advice has been given already.

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So why are you adding to it?

Petitchat · 02/09/2025 20:02

Sharptonguedwoman · 02/09/2025 19:45

Goodness , what a lot of drama over a skill that a 12 yr old can pick up in 2 minutes.

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I certainly agree about the drama. Never seen so much dramatics, immaturity and vindictive accusations over requesting advice for a new baby and his sister.

The sister who was "being present with her family"
What a f....ng joke!

Remind me never to ask advice on mumsnet....

Gruttenberg · 02/09/2025 20:02

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 08:03

@Blessthismess2 yes I’m the wicked evil step mother that treats all children differently.

it’s one rule for all in our house.

that includes waiting for LO to be older before moving him around. Ask us to hold him, not a problem. Anything else we’ve agreed we do ourselves.

i understand the suggestion around feeding, but our midwife advised to keep feeding to just the two of us, to save confusion and make sure LO is clear who does that. Lots have changed in 11 years so it’s COMPLETELY different to having children 2 years apart

Can you just clarify the confusion bit from your last paragraph? Confusion around whether the baby has been fed? Or that the baby gets confused due to being fed a bottle by more than two people? 🙄
It's ridiculous either way.

I've just had a google and discovered this gem is being suggested by all NHS trusts. Yet another ridiculous meaningless rule that someone came up with and sold to the NHS.

Your baby will not get confused if a third or a fourth person gives them the occasional bottle. It's lovely for another person to make that eye contact with baby and chat to them while they're feeding. It enables the baby to experience closeness with other family members. I'd love to know which idiot came up with that ridiculous guideline.

Think about this logically - if baby is in nursery from a very young age they're fed by loads of different people. If they have to stay in hospital after birth and you can't they are fed by loads of different nurses.

When my sisters and I had our babies we would go to each others houses to look after each others babies and bottle feed them so the mother could get some sleep. Every one of those babies knows who their mothers are. They're too little to get confused. You will always be the primary caregiver. By sticking to this frankly made up rule you're stopping your son and step daughter from bonding with their baby sibling. So sad.

Livelovebehappy · 02/09/2025 20:13

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:28

we have no issues here holding the baby.

its the safe removal and putting down of the child whilst he’s still so delicate.

No she did not which completely took me back, I didn’t want to embarrass her by explaining what she had done as she’s quite sensitive but neither of us have ever shown her how to do it either

If she was your dd would you be coming on here horrified that she’d picked up her baby sibling!? You’re acting like she’s a stranger. When you’re raising children, you guide them on how to approach issues. A simple ‘might be best to let us be next to you when you want to pick her up, as she’s still very young’ would suffice. Not jumping onto the internet hyperboling. 🙄

Mumbletoomuch · 02/09/2025 20:14

Babies are nowhere near that delicate, and it’s unusual you’re thinking this way when you should have PFB out of your system. Unless the 12yo has issues with her gross motor function then I really cannot see what you would be worried about. She should be a second pair of very capable hands for you to rely on, nurturing your bond with her and the sibling bond. She isn’t 3yo.

Didimum · 02/09/2025 20:15

Gruttenberg · 02/09/2025 20:02

Can you just clarify the confusion bit from your last paragraph? Confusion around whether the baby has been fed? Or that the baby gets confused due to being fed a bottle by more than two people? 🙄
It's ridiculous either way.

I've just had a google and discovered this gem is being suggested by all NHS trusts. Yet another ridiculous meaningless rule that someone came up with and sold to the NHS.

Your baby will not get confused if a third or a fourth person gives them the occasional bottle. It's lovely for another person to make that eye contact with baby and chat to them while they're feeding. It enables the baby to experience closeness with other family members. I'd love to know which idiot came up with that ridiculous guideline.

Think about this logically - if baby is in nursery from a very young age they're fed by loads of different people. If they have to stay in hospital after birth and you can't they are fed by loads of different nurses.

When my sisters and I had our babies we would go to each others houses to look after each others babies and bottle feed them so the mother could get some sleep. Every one of those babies knows who their mothers are. They're too little to get confused. You will always be the primary caregiver. By sticking to this frankly made up rule you're stopping your son and step daughter from bonding with their baby sibling. So sad.

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Why is it any of your business what NHS-led advice OP and her partner choose to follow with their newborn? It’s not the topic of OP’s post and whether you agree with it or not is 100% irrelevant.

Didimum · 02/09/2025 20:19

Livelovebehappy · 02/09/2025 20:13

If she was your dd would you be coming on here horrified that she’d picked up her baby sibling!? You’re acting like she’s a stranger. When you’re raising children, you guide them on how to approach issues. A simple ‘might be best to let us be next to you when you want to pick her up, as she’s still very young’ would suffice. Not jumping onto the internet hyperboling. 🙄

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OP has said numerous times the same applies to her son. Why don’t you read the thread and attempt to add something of value that isn’t sarcastic and ill-informed.

And is your eye rolling supposed to be clever? Because you’re behaving like a 12yr old yourself with your attitude.

Gruttenberg · 02/09/2025 20:19

Didimum · 02/09/2025 20:15

Why is it any of your business what NHS-led advice OP and her partner choose to follow with their newborn? It’s not the topic of OP’s post and whether you agree with it or not is 100% irrelevant.

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It's a public forum, and it's the first time I've heard this absolute shitshow of guidance. It might not be the topic but it's in the content. How many young parents are unnecessarily avoiding help from friends and family because this 'advice' is out there. There are absolutely no research papers that I can find that back this up. Why is it any of your business which aspect of the OP's comments I choose to comment on. MYOB.

Edited to add that the OP may feel that she's not allowed to stray from the 'advice' given. She's not the only one. Here's a post from Reddit where the poster is concerned because she's only allowed two people to give bottles but would like parents to give bottles in preparation for her return to work.

https://www.reddit.com/r/FormulaFeeders/comments/1acef25/question_about_other_people_family_members/

Livelovebehappy · 02/09/2025 20:20

Didimum · 02/09/2025 19:49

Can you explain the drama? OP is concerned about both newborn and upsetting a sensitive 12yr old. The only people making this a drama are bullying posters.

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I think the concern is for the baby, but I don’t see concern for the dsd. The statement of dsd being over sensitive was a criticism. If op had a good relationship with dsd, this wouldn’t even be an issue. Using phrases such as ‘to my horror’ implies excessive drama over something a child, not just any child, but her dsd I might add, might have done with zero guidance it seems from the adults.

Livelovebehappy · 02/09/2025 20:23

Didimum · 02/09/2025 20:19

OP has said numerous times the same applies to her son. Why don’t you read the thread and attempt to add something of value that isn’t sarcastic and ill-informed.

And is your eye rolling supposed to be clever? Because you’re behaving like a 12yr old yourself with your attitude.

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Weirdly though Ops initial opening post doesn’t mention the ‘horror’ of her ds doing the same thing….that was only brought up further down the post.

Livelovebehappy · 02/09/2025 20:24

Didimum · 02/09/2025 20:19

OP has said numerous times the same applies to her son. Why don’t you read the thread and attempt to add something of value that isn’t sarcastic and ill-informed.

And is your eye rolling supposed to be clever? Because you’re behaving like a 12yr old yourself with your attitude.

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🙄🙄🙄

Didimum · 02/09/2025 20:24

Gruttenberg · 02/09/2025 20:19

It's a public forum, and it's the first time I've heard this absolute shitshow of guidance. It might not be the topic but it's in the content. How many young parents are unnecessarily avoiding help from friends and family because this 'advice' is out there. There are absolutely no research papers that I can find that back this up. Why is it any of your business which aspect of the OP's comments I choose to comment on. MYOB.

Edited to add that the OP may feel that she's not allowed to stray from the 'advice' given. She's not the only one. Here's a post from Reddit where the poster is concerned because she's only allowed two people to give bottles but would like parents to give bottles in preparation for her return to work.

https://www.reddit.com/r/FormulaFeeders/comments/1acef25/question_about_other_people_family_members/

Edited

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It’s up to the OP what newborn advice she follows. Your unsolicited opinion on it isn’t relevant. And if you’re trying in any way to be helpful for ‘young parents’ then perhaps you might try leaving out the immature eye-rolling emojis.

If I see bullying and nasty replies, I’ll call it out. K?

Didimum · 02/09/2025 20:25

Livelovebehappy · 02/09/2025 20:24

🙄🙄🙄

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Time to get an early night. You’ve got school tomorrow.

Didimum · 02/09/2025 20:27

Livelovebehappy · 02/09/2025 20:23

Weirdly though Ops initial opening post doesn’t mention the ‘horror’ of her ds doing the same thing….that was only brought up further down the post.

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She said her son has never picked the baby up without her there. He’s not done the same thing. Again, read the post.