DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

[Pinkpetal9999]

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

It really does. Your language reveals a lot about your attitude to your newborn's sibling

Then maybe show her how to do so?

Why? Because she wants to keep her baby safe? Or is it because she is the devil incarnate a stepmother?

No. Your choice of word is revealing and you know it.

I think the issue was about lifting baby in and out, not holding him.

Just show them both.

They’re old enough, and they’re both going through the massive adjustment of a new sibling whilst living in a blended family.

I would (and did) encourage these attempts to bond. Please don’t miss this amazing opportunity,

I think you're being incredibly OTT about this. She's 12 and the baby is her sibling. He's not made of spun sugar, you know. The absolute worst that's going to happen if she doesn't put him down 'correctly' is that he'll be disgruntled and yell a bit (which I assume is what happened) which is no big deal. This is totally normal stuff for a household with older siblings and a newborn and your baby will need to get used to the general disruptions of family life. Just show her how to do it next time.

It's also pretty pertinent that DSD doesn't live there full time, so hasn't had lots of experience with the baby.

"ultimately it is my child and whatever I'm comfortable with"

does the child's father get a say in any of this? Or your child, your rules?

all bizarre

In any case, congratulations on your newborn and despite what I'm saying here, I do understand your protective instincts (just mildly appalled with how they're manifesting)

So teach her what to do! Poor girl. You should be pleased that she wants to love on her new baby sibling.

I don't think I instinctively knew how to support my newborns neck, dh certainly didn't know what to do. Of course you need to show her, no one just knows things. A mother figures it out quickly due to their strong protective instinct but anyone else who has never held a newborn needs to be shown. I find it strange that you would post about this but not take the time to show her

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime so please explain what wording you would use ?

So ridiculous but giving me a laugh anyway 😁

It's amazing though, how some people can make something out of absolutely nothing.
Quite a skill.
Pity it's not put to more constructive use....

Well that’s your look out you ought to have shown her how to handle the baby weeks ago.

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle this is incredibly boring to have to explain every wording I say to people who are hellbent on misunderstanding

I meant my child, as in not any other posters child. Get a bloody grip

That would be the common sense to do, but she is digging her heels in and saying 'I don't want to'. It should have been done on day 1. But you can't reason with some people.

I did.

And yet some posters are determined to paint her as a concerned and sensitive stepmother who's only worried about hurting the stepdaughter's feelings. Bizarre, to quote one of them.

She is. She was just concerned about the lifting in and out?.
Strange posts on this thread....

Oh dear, I am so sorry I have clearly upset you.
I have no blended family issues. I am from a wonderful family. My parents were happily married for over 50 years and we enjoyed a lovely and privileged upbringing. I have no experience of blended families, but I am sure it must be very challenging.

@RimTimTagiDim I have said I have?
so what is my partner an awful step father for not showing my son either?

So she knows how to lift him in and out safely but you don't want her doing it just because?

If your partner shares your attitude then I'm sure he's also an awful stepparent.

@Thedoorisalwaysopen I’ve said I will, I’m struggling to understand the selective blindness of many posters. But I will be saying they need to ask one of us before hand and try hold off until he can hold his neck

No she did not which completely took me back, I didn’t want to embarrass her by explaining what she had done as she’s quite sensitive but neither of us have ever shown her how to do it either

Very unreasonable of you & her father.

Way to make a child feel pushed out & unimportant. She's your son's sibling. If you had more of your own DC you'd know that there's a fair bit of rough & tumble in family life. Show her how to hold him! Don't treat her like an outsider FFS

It's weird you won't let your biological 11yo pick them up too. Hth.