Daughters, wives, bridesmaid dresses

[ByScott]

Would you expect to be involved in going shopping/choosing a bridesmaid dress for your 13/14 year old daughter?

Would you be accepting of your daughter having lunch/shopping and having beauty/hair appointments with her half sister and her mother (my ex- wife)? There are other women present as well.

I can’t see how this can be avoided? My wife is angry and feels it is inappropriate.

This thread is crazy.

Some of the confusion has to be deliberate and fake. Like when people pretend to be baffled by bought/brought even though it's obvious.

No way this many people are actually lacking comprehension to the point of not understanding that OP.

Do you only post when your wife has drama with other people's weddings? Just saw your previous post.

You’re not helping yourself here. Your daughters ARE sisters!! They are half sisters, but they are still sisters! Just because someone isn’t a full blooded sibling doesn’t not mean they are not sisters/brothers. This is a really weird hill to die on.

I thought that my post was straightforward.

Did you?
I didn't.

Well, I'm not getting into the bun fight about reading comprehension skills, but it seems to me that the issue is that your daughter is getting on very well with your ex- wife. I think your wife's issues are all around that, so maybe a heart to heart with her is needed.

For what it's worth, I never regarded my older half brother AS a half brother. I have 3 brothers, and never felt differently. Bear (bare!) in mind that your younger daughter may not care about the distinction as much as you!

Current wife is jealous and resentful of DD spending time with your ex. That’s her problem frankly. DD will be in the care of responsible adults. She’s perfectly old enough to shop with her (half) sister without needing to be chaperoned by her mother. It would be a bit weird for your current wife to go I think, unless she is on really good terms with your ex wife and has been invited by your older DD. She’s being ridiculous and spoiling what should be a lovely occasion for your DD by making it about her.

If the bride is of the ex wife's family, it's not really surprising. All I can say is she's a lucky girl to have a day shopping for bridesmaid dresses! I've been a bridesmaid 3 times and apart from having measurements taken, I never had any input on what the dresses were. Two were lovely and I felt like a princess/grown up, the third was hideous (think Bo-Peep meets the mamas and papas) little basket, lace gloves, floppy hat, the whole blardy shebang. I still get triggered by flopy hats!

You posted too late. This has already been covered. Read the thread.

I thought the half sister was a younger child (perhaps a fellow bridesmaid) who was the child of ex wife and her husband to be. I thought the ex wife was the one getting married to a husband to be, with younger half sister and the OP’s daughter as bridesmaids.

That’s how. It’s a perfectly reasonable way of reading the OP. Obviously as the OP posted more, I understood the alternative reading of it. Those saying it’s completely clear from the initial explanation are in the fortunate position of their initial assumption being the correct one, but the other is equally valid from what’s written in the OP, so perhaps they shouldn’t criticise other people’s reading comprehension…

You’re not helping yourself here. Your daughters ARE sisters!! They are half sisters, but they are still sisters! Just because someone isn’t a full blooded sibling doesn’t not mean they are not sisters/brothers. This is a really weird hill to die on.

I think the point is that him using half sisters in his post made it very clear that they didn't have the same mother

Hence the sheer irritation at people making out like he didn't make it clear when he absolutely did because two half sisters who have the same father cannot, by sheer definition, have the same mother

BTW I've got two sons and two daughters.

Technically they're half-brothers and half-sisters, but they never refer to themselves as such, and neither do I.

Your wife is jealous and feels left out OP. I’d give her a break though. This insecurity may be increased by telling her that your 13 year old is gets on like a house on fire with your ex wife.

It’s lovely that your daughters are getting on though but I’d tone down the talk about your 13 year old bonding with your ex wife

Ah the drama!!!

It's usually the bridal party that gets involved with the dresses open else. I've never been with my children when they have been bridedmaids

@ByScott

So your DD is bridesmaid at her (half) sisters wedding?

Why on Earth not say that to begin with or at least clarify when several posters queried?

OP -
What exactly has your wife said?
What justification has she given for being pissed off? She feels excluded?
What is the relationship like between your wife and her step-daughter?
What is the relationship like between your wife and your ex-wife?

He did...

I think it’s nice that your daughter is close enough to her half sister ( I’m calling her half sister for clarity) to feel comfortable attending beauty appointments etc The fact your ex wife (oldest daughters mother) is there as well is kind of irrelevant if she’s not causing any problems and it sounds as though she’s been welcoming.
There is no reason why your current wife would be part of the bridal party and every reason why your younger daughter is.
I hope the girls continue to have a close relationship going forward, it sounds like the only one being unreasonable is your wife and I suspect that’s because of jealousy. It must be hard to hear from your child what a great time they are having around your husbands ex but she needs to put your daughter first, smile and say she’s glad she’s spending time with her sister and how exciting it must be.

Your wife is a nutter! It's perfectly reasonable for your daughter to go shopping with then. Utter madness to think otherwise

Sorry, but you really, really didn't explain it well at all. I was not alone in wondering wtf was going on 😂😂 (got there in the end 👍)
Anyway, good luck with it all. If your wife is annoyed, tell her to just leave it.

Your wife needs to step away. Your daughters are doing something lovely together that they will remember forever. It is great that your exwife is including your younger dd and your wife should be happy about this. If she kicks off about this then it will have such negative consequences for you and your younger daughter.

Yes it’s fine, bridesmaids usually go with the bride and MOTB. Other guests (presume current wife is one) don’t get invited. The exception is toddlers.

Your wife if being really unreasonble!!

She needs to back off and let her DD have this time, and also you need to make sure that she doesn't needle her about it afterwards.

At the rate she's going she'll end up alienating her own daughter.

Half sisters are still sisters. It's lovely your elder daughter is including her (half) sisters. It's normal she wants her mum there. I assume she doesn't want to over complicate what is nice mother daughter/sister bonding by including her step mother.

I imagine it would have been quite hurtful to not include your younger daughter ans there could have been hurt feelings in that regard so it's all perfectly nice and acceptable.

Your post was very clear.

However, I think, given it is her [half] sister’s wedding and she will be there as chaperone and choosing the dresses for her own wedding, I think I’d encourage your current wife to calm down. It is natural (and traditional) that your ex-wife, ie your older daughter’s mother, is part of that shopping trip - just as, when your younger daughter has her wedding dress shopping trip your current wife/her mother would hope to be included but the ex wife would not be.

At 14 she is perfectly old enough to attend in the care of her older sister, the bride to be. You need to talk your wife down over this.

Your posts are DEFINITELY not written well and have DEFINITELY caused confusion, to me included!

If I understand correctly, your dd (with your now wife) is attending her half sisters wedding and being a bridesmaid. Your ex wife is the mother of the bride. The 3 of them are doing things together for the wedding. If this is correct, your now wife is jealous .. it’s that simple. She is jealous and being ridiculous. Your dd should be part of the wedding, run up to it, all that it entails - it’s lovely they’re including her this way. Your wife needs to get a grip quite frankly.