Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughters, wives, bridesmaid dresses

348 replies

ByScott · 01/09/2025 11:13

Would you expect to be involved in going shopping/choosing a bridesmaid dress for your 13/14 year old daughter?

Would you be accepting of your daughter having lunch/shopping and having beauty/hair appointments with her half sister and her mother (my ex- wife)? There are other women present as well.

I can’t see how this can be avoided? My wife is angry and feels it is inappropriate.

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 01/09/2025 16:04

ByScott · 01/09/2025 11:28

I thought that my post was straightforward.

My wife is annoyed that our daughter is spending time with my ex wife as my elder daughter is planning her wedding.

Then your wife is being utterly unreasonable.

overqualifiedturkey · 01/09/2025 16:05

She says it is inappropriate that our daughter is with my ex wife.

I wonder if your ex wife ever had similar feelings about her daughter being with your new wife? Were there any teething problems there or did she accept your current wife being around her child?

I think your wife needs to step back and realise she can't control the relationship between your daughters - and that means coming into contact with your ex. When your eldest daughter has children I presume your DD will attend her niece/nephews birthday events that the babies grandma (your ex) will also be present at. Unfortunately this is what your wife signed up for when she entered a blended family.

Gloriia · 01/09/2025 16:06

CrostaDiPizza · 01/09/2025 16:03

@Unexpectedlysinglemum , it's the OP's daughter with his exW getting married, and she has asked OP's daughter from his current marriage to be bridesmaid.

I don't get what people don't understand, it's as if they've never heard of second wives and second families.

The only puzzling bit is why the second wife has seen her arse about it as we say around here.

FlorenceAgainstTheMachine · 01/09/2025 16:09

My DD has an older half sister. She frequently spends time with her sister’s mother (my exDP’s ex partner). DD absolutely loves her, and the feeling is mutual I think. I see them almost as an extension of my own “village” at this point. Your wife is being unreasonable.

U53rName · 01/09/2025 16:09

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/09/2025 16:00

Sorry,
so you and your first daughters mum separated.
you remarried and had another daughter.
your first wife is now remarrying and for some reason has asked your young daughter who is no relation to the bride to be a bridesmaid? That is so so strange.
if my ex created a half sibling for my son, I wouldn’t invite this half sibling to my wedding let alone have them in the bridal party

Huh?

BotterMon · 01/09/2025 16:09

She is being unreasonable. Why would she be included?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 01/09/2025 16:11

Trendyname · 01/09/2025 15:44

I agree with this. Op is offended with daughters being called sisters when they are half sisters but is ok to call both current wife and ex wife ‘wives’ in his title. There is only one wife, the other is ex wife.

Show quote history

And the thread title is Daughters, not Half-Sisters.

Comefromaway · 01/09/2025 16:15

She did mention that the gel stuff had to be removed before school and couldn’t understand why it was done at a trial. Only negative comment which was water off a duck’s back to my youngest

I would not be happy about this. I'm sure that many 13 year olds have gel nails but they are banned in schools and there are risks to the nail. They have to be removed professionally. I have them done myself but you have to watch for infections and all sorts. It is a decision that parents should be making.

Melonmango70 · 01/09/2025 16:16

ByScott · 01/09/2025 13:32

I think I am out.

My daughters are NOT sisters; they are half-sisters as they have different mothers! If they were sisters we wouldn’t even be having these problems. I can’t believe some people’s comprehension skills.

My wife is not vile at all and she was NOT the other woman. Not all men are cheats. Why would people think this?

Bloody hell. Your daughters are sisters, fgs. I'd never think of my "half" sister as anything but my sister.

Bitzee · 01/09/2025 16:18

I totally get why you’re saying half sisters. Enough people had trouble understanding the OP as is and the distinction in this case is pretty relevant!

However, your wife is behaving like a jealous nutter. Why would her adult children be invited? They’re not a blood relation of the bride. Presumably you guys got married after these children had left home so they never lived together as step siblings either and there’s no relationship to speak of. The choice of wedding venue is the bride’s choice and absolutely nothing to do with her. It’s not inappropriate that your younger daughter is with your ex wife in a group so long as she’s kind and friendly to her. If your daughters are both happy, which it sounds like they are, then there’s no issue with any of it. Very selfish of your wife to try to make it all about her and I’d consider it unforgivable if she acted on any of these feelings to try to sour the relationship between the sisters.

BoudiccaRuled · 01/09/2025 16:20

ByScott · 01/09/2025 11:28

I thought that my post was straightforward.

My wife is annoyed that our daughter is spending time with my ex wife as my elder daughter is planning her wedding.

Your wife is being unreasonable to have not considered these things BEFORE having a child with someone who already had children.
It's a bit late to worry about it now!

Trendyname · 01/09/2025 16:22

Namenamchange · 01/09/2025 15:52

I don’t think he’s offend, people are unable to understand the relationships if he calls them sister.

Show quote history

He has two long posts on this. Offended or something else, I don’t know but some strong reaction.

Millytante · 01/09/2025 16:24

Can’t see how your present wife would slip into that shopping trip without discomfort for all concerned.
On this occasion, she’d be wiser to step back and let your daughter spend some time independently from her. It’s still the girl’s family, not a gaggle of strangers.

Millytante · 01/09/2025 16:27

VickyEadieofThigh · 01/09/2025 16:04

Then your wife is being utterly unreasonable.

Show quote history

She sure is, and it’s amazing OP isn’t having a quiet word there.

Anonymous23456 · 01/09/2025 16:30

ByScott · 01/09/2025 14:56

My wife can’t articulate why she is upset about this in particular.

She is upset about the location of the wedding and that her (adult) children are not invited. She can articulate that. She says it is inappropriate that our daughter is with my ex wife. She can’t articulate why particularly. She has never said that my ex would say anything inappropriate to our daughter, which she never would.

There is nothing wrong with having half siblings and it is completely illogical to say my daughters are siblings.

Had I referred to them as sisters I think the comprehension would have flatlined.

My mum hasn't got any full blood siblings. Her siblings are all half siblings. They are her brothers and sisters. She doesn't refer to them as half. I understand my you would make the distinction for the post but not why you are pushing the issue. Her sister is her sister.

I think your wife feels left out and a not sidelined but it's not her daughters wedding. When it's her daughters wedding she will get to be the mother of the bride.

Your daughter is not obliged to invite the steps to her wedding. She might not feel that they have that sort of relationship.

Have you asked your daughter where your wife is going to sit at the wedding? Are you on the head table? It might be worth checking.

tipsyraven · 01/09/2025 16:32

ByScott · 01/09/2025 11:28

I thought that my post was straightforward.

My wife is annoyed that our daughter is spending time with my ex wife as my elder daughter is planning her wedding.

Your wife has got a real problem if she is annoyed by that.

saraclara · 01/09/2025 16:32

And I think it's lovely of your elder DD and your ex-wife that they're involving your younger DD (and that your ex-wife is OK with that). You should be proud of your DDs (and your ex-wife is behaving far better than your current wife, sorry)

I was about to type something very similar. Your older daughter and wife are being very thoughtful and kind to the younger one. Your wife is being a bit ridiculous. She should be glad that her daughter is being treated so well.

umberellaonesie · 01/09/2025 16:37

ByScott · 01/09/2025 11:28

I thought that my post was straightforward.

My wife is annoyed that our daughter is spending time with my ex wife as my elder daughter is planning her wedding.

Your daughter is spending time with her sister.
The fact her sisters mother will be there is irrelevant.
This is a suck it up situation, your current wife has no role here. Her daughter is with her big sister end of.

SundayGirl86 · 01/09/2025 16:42

Take a step back for a minute and imagine the situation if your DD was excluded from her sister’s wedding. How utterly awful would that be? It’s great your ex-wife and older DD are including her and it’s a shame your wife can’t see that.
If your wife’s adult DCs and your older DD grew up together as step-siblings I can see why your wife might be sad they’re not invited but it may be there’s no strong bond there which makes it understandable.
In a world where so many ex-wives are (rightly or wrongly) being accused of all kinds of dreadful behaviour I’d just be very happy DD was being included in everything.
I’m also in the ‘sisters’ camp. I have a half sister and my DCs have half siblings - and I’m so pleased their mum is sensible and inclusive too. We don’t make the distinction between half/full and neither do the DCs. We’re just brothers or sisters. Maybe your younger DD doesn’t make the distinction either and is just happy to be an important part of her DSis’s big day.

Praying4Peace · 01/09/2025 16:44

ByScott · 01/09/2025 11:35

They are half sisters; I am the father of both of them.

Your current wife clearly has a problem

SunonField · 01/09/2025 16:46

They have the same dad, they are blood relatives, and they may choose to call themselves sisters.
Anyway, nothing wrong with both your daughters being out with your ex, your wife is jealous.

BleeBlahBlue · 01/09/2025 16:47

Bet it was your wife that made sure the 'half' sisters distinction was made from the start eh. Maybe thats why her children arent invited, because she didn't want to integrate her family with YOUR daughter.

As someone with siblings from a different father I find the half abhorrent, they are my brothers.

Does your daughter refer to her other siblings as half? I bet not!

Anyway your wife sound jealous that she is being reminded again that you had a life and wife previous to her. Id expect her to also cause a fuss at the wedding regarding photos, top table etc.

Leftrightmiddle · 01/09/2025 16:54

I am a second wife with older step children and my younger children
If my step daughter was getting married I would be ok with my DD (also teen) going shopping for bridesmaid dresses ith sister and sisters mum.

In our case the ex wife has been a nightmare over the years but I wouldn't have an issue with this as 1. I trust me step daughter 2. It would be a lovely experience for my DD 3. I wouldn't want to behave in anyway that may upset anyone involved and put a damper on the experience for either girls.

TonTonMacoute · 01/09/2025 16:58

Your wife is being unreasonable.

It sounds positive that your/her daughter is having a fun experience with her half sister and your ex, a whole bunch of women having fun getting excited about dressing up, hair make up and clothes! Sounds great, and they are enjoying including her.

I understand all the other stuff that your wife is finding difficult about this wedding. These occasions are always a bit sticky if the parents of the bride have separated and moved on.

If your DD gets on happily with these other family members that only be a good thing, and it's in no way inappropriate for a teen girl to be involved in the preparations.

Change2banon · 01/09/2025 17:00

5128gap · 01/09/2025 15:58

Its not difficult to understand. Someone's half sister is someone else's daughter. Someone else's daughter is someone's else's half sister. Someone is married to OP. Someone else isn't. One person is the daughter of someone and not of someone else. Some people have been shopping with someones daughter, someones half sister and someones mother. Someone's mother is having lunch. Someone's mother is upset. Someone is getting married and someone has had gel nails.
Can't people on this thread read?

Show quote history

😆😆😆 oh this made me laugh 😆😆😆
Honestly, the thread just keeps getting worse. … no matter how many times it’s spelled out, posters still think the ex wife is getting married, not the eldest daughter 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️ And actually, the whole thread is really just about OP’s current wife being jealous 🤷‍♀️ It’s laughable now.

Swipe left for the next trending thread