SIL still isolating due to covid risk

[dragontears]

AIBU to think this is no way to live now? She works from home and will only leave the house for essential errands with mask on. She is terrified of getting long covid. Feels like her life is very very limited for a 38 year old!

Anyone else have people they know in this position? How to support them?

I’ve had long COVID for 2 years. It’s been the most horrific and terrifying time of my life. I was in bed unable to do anything at all for the first year.

Can’t say l blame her.

That sounds awful. I'm sorry you are going through that.

So should everyone just stay at home? I say this as the wife of someone immunosuppressed and we isolated heavily during the pandemic. But we're past that now.

I know someone like this OP but she's 80 ... that's tragic at 38. I'm not sure how you deal with it though. She needs help.

I find it odd that they narrow their lives so much because of fear but that life isn't really worth living now .... so you may as well risk getting ill. I know that's a very black and white outlook though and it's more complex.

She needs some psychiatric help. That's no life at all.

It's tricky. I also have long covid (4 years) and do limit where I go (theatre/planes) because a reinfection is likely to set me back again to being bed-bound.

Does your SIL know anyone with long covid? Does she have other conditions that mean she's vulnerable?

It's very difficult because we all want to LIVE but I think if you've had LC or seen someone with it, it's pretty fucking terrifying.

This is now a mental health issue I would say. I am not sure howyou support her, but depending on the family relationship, can you or your DH or someone suggest gently to her that she see a doctor and seek help for her health anxiety. Does she have a partner/DC? Becuase if she does, she's harming them too.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow I am sorry you are experiencing this. It really is awful. But it is not a reason for an otherwise healthy person to still be isolating.

This is a psychiatric problem.

Have you tried to broach this with her - ‘how can we help you move forward and have a more normal life’.

It’s a mental health issue really. I know an older person like this. Could you persuade her to talk to her GP. @ArseInTheCoOpWindow that is absolutely terrible. Long Covid is a risk but at the same time we can’t all stay at home for ever.

She needs some help for her mental health. It’s no way to live and not normal now.

No, but I’m careful when l go out. Avoid indoor crowds. Travelling l would wear a mask,

Yes, this is what I think too. But she is not willing to entertain the idea of getting help with her mental health.

I’ve had PTSD from mine. It’s just horrific.

My nervous system was so dysregulated l kept getting this awful adrenaline rushes that were terrifying. I can’t forget them but can’t bear to speak about them either.

She is not immune suppressed. I think she has probably been down too many rabbit holes online about potential Long Covid scenarios. I know this can happen to people, but on the balance of risks, I would say that it is low risk to happen to her.

I also think she needs mental health help

In the mean time l would not be enabling all of this e.g. she needs to sort her own food deliveries etc

I'm not at an increased risk of catching Covid or the flu, but I am at an increased risk of them being severe if I do catch them.
During the pandemic I was having dental treatment and oral surgery and had to regularly use Corsodyl mouthwash; it turns out that rinsing and gargling with salt water, Corsodyl or Listerine gives some protection against Covid. I do it before I go out and when I get home, I also haven't had a serious cold or the flu since I started doing it.
Tell your SIL, if you google there are multiple studies and articles.

Yes you are right - especially with her age. Almost everyone in the long covid support groups I've seen have been women a couple of years either side of 50. (personally I suspect it fucks with inflammation and menopause.)

Have you spoke to her or your sibling about it (depending on who is their sibling in your family)? What do they think?

I had to shield. It terrified me. I was naturally forced back to work in a school so had to get over it... it actually helped having that push. I had counselling. I then got pregnant and had to shield while the rest of the world was pretty much normal... it was awful. I really feel for her as I am the same age, understand the worry, and would probably still be there if work hadn't given me the push I needed. She does need some support, but if she won't take it there isn't much anyone can do. I feel.for her as she must be very lonely and scared.

No DC. She is married to my DB, who goes along with it, but is getting increasingly fed up I think.

It’s absolutely a mental health problem, and isolating oneself in this way is likely to be connected to other worse heath outcomes, poorer immune system etc. Ultimately no one can force her to see it that way, but it’s not kind for your DB to play along as if it’s a healthy way to interact with life. Does she have children? It’s a concerning message to send to them if so.

Oh sorry you just answered no DC.

DB is putting his head in the sand about it. Doesn't like conflict.

It's very difficult, because it is her life, but is sad to see her living this way.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow · I’m sorry you’ve been through that. But the reality is that there are an awful lot of conditions which are terrifying and life limiting in various ways. If you isolated for everyone no-one would live their lives any more.

I am newly immune suppressed, (transplant earlier this year) and I don’t drive. One of the reasons I had a transplant was to enable me to live a more normal life. So if I go on public transport I wear a mask, I’m still avoiding some things e.g. the underground for now due to crowds etc, but the truth is part of recovery is living. It’s very early days for me still but I’m recovering well, and while it’s wise to be cautious at this time of year regardless actually isolating for years is no way to live.

Sounds like her mental health has been damaged.

I know someone with LC, who is really seriously ill (and now unlikely to recover). Sometimes it gives me chills what might happen. But then, ANYTHING might happen, I might get hit by a bus tomorrow. I might eat something and get food poisoning which leaves me seriously compromised. I might trip over the dog, fall down stairs and die...

We can't mitigate for our entire lives. We can't live as though the worst is definitely going to happen. Sometimes we have to shut off the 'what if' part of our brain and just live and it sounds as though your SIL can't do that. Has she always been 'worst case scenario?'

If she really won't engage with anyone about her mental health, then there's nothing you can do. She will continue in her little world living in fear. It's hard, but you can't help someone who doesn't think they need help.