SIL still isolating due to covid risk

[dragontears]

AIBU to think this is no way to live now? She works from home and will only leave the house for essential errands with mask on. She is terrified of getting long covid. Feels like her life is very very limited for a 38 year old!

Anyone else have people they know in this position? How to support them?

Apologies if this has already been asked, but is she up to date with her Covid vaccinations, including recent boosters?

@Calliopespa

I guess it depends on your version of "worth." Some people think the highlights of life are going out to restaurants, pubs, movies etc. Others love being home reading or gardening, cooking etc. I know quite a few people who rediscovered their love of being a homebody through the lockdown and who are we to deem that "tragic"?

It's not about a distinction between going out and staying in. Of course there's nothing wrong with being a homebody and there's nothing wrong with a quiet life with a lot of introspection and thought. A lot of people have made this into an "introvert v extrovert" thing, but I think its much more fundamental than this.

Enjoying time at home and needing it to recharge your batteries is not the same thing as barricading the door to outsiders, indulging your paranoia about "people" and convincing yourself that you need never interact with anyone outside your family.

I've seen thousands of posts on here from people talking about how much they "hate people" and their relief at being able to withdraw from them (for which COVID provided perfect air cover).

Extreme social anxiety and hating coming into contact with strangers so much you feign illness to avoid it is not a healthy way to live. I think that is pretty "tragic", to be honest, and I mean this in the true sense of the word, not the arch, ironic sense. Human beings aren't meant to live without any contact with others. There's tons of research into why this fuels mental illness and shortens life.

Such a difficult situation for your family. It's awful, isn't it.

Yes, my SIL has had the covid jab.

And you’re deliberately missing the fact that you DO NOT NEED TO BE IMMUNO SUPPRESSED TO GET LC.
(sorry fur shouting).

And no it’s not just over 50s that are affected either.
children and teenagers are getting LC
Babies who caught Covid (or the mum during pg) are more likely to show developmental delays

And the risk goes up the more you’re catching Covid.

EDIT TO ADD
Please add to the list the fact that

• athletes develop LC
• departments such as the ministry of defence or the Parliament have air filtration and UV system in place to reduce the spread. Not just in tge U.K. either.

Why do you think theyre being so careful??

I think he should tell her either she sees a counsellor or they get divorced.

My mum is scared of Covid but she is elderly so we humour her.

A vaccine that will not have any effect now because of how long it’s been since her last one….

I'm sorry to hear this.

I can well imagine how hard it is to grapple with these issues in a world where people are now often wanting to shame caution.

I feel certain that, deep down, the frustration shown by many of these people is in fact an attempt to reassure some small part tucked away at the back of their mind where they worry themselves, but try to drown it by loud ridicule of those who do accept the need for caution in their own circumstances.

I just think we should be accepting of each other's choices. We all have different health profiles, different ideas of what we want and enjoy, different concepts of risk and there is no need to bang the drum of our own choices so loudly just to make us feel better that we have done the right thing, Perhaps there is no "right" approach.

I had Covid last October and was only mildly ill. I had been very active and healthy up til then. I unfortunately then had a number of symptoms which were brought on by the virus and have now had Long Covid for 11 months. It has given me heart problems and inflammation in my chest which meant that my life changed virtually overnight. I went from super healthy to feeling like an invalid.

Fortunately due to my amazing GP and local hospital I have had all the treatment and support I could have asked for. But, yet again this week I have to wear another 24 hour heart monitor but I’m hoping that things will be slowly improving.

I think that anyone can get these symptoms after a virus such as Covid and until it happens to you, it’s easy to dismiss it.

I still live my life and go out and about. If I took a flight I would wear a mask. I’m really afraid about what could happen if I got a similar virus again.

Unless she is high risk then I think she needs to live life more, she could also get hit by a bus, but what a lonely existence

did she have any vaccinations-your brother must beworried deep down it sounds like agrophobia now

what happens when he goes out and comes home does she avoid him

I take long COVID very seriously - some of my friends still have long term issues. I don't think the post viral syndrome from flu is so common in the same age bucket.

However, her way is really unnecessary limiting, it is possible to take it seriously and enjoy life.

It is a pity you are asking in September, because starting opening up in June would be much easier.
We've just enjoyed the summer - eating outside and meeting friends in cafés' with outside seating. We visited summer cinema projections, we went for several openair concerts and festivals (not the kind when you stand in a dense crowd, the kind when you can place your own blanket and have a bit of space around you).

We like outdoor stuff in general, a walk in a nice area is great.

We visit museums and exhibitions (art, tech, ...) full year round - if the exhibition is open for months and everyone is buying tickets on the day, not many people would chose to go there sick. And if someone is, you don't have to stay in the same room with them.

We have FFP2 at hand when using public transport - especially in a high COVID season.

We pick holidays with an option of eating outside.

Not everyone has this options, but something from the list might work for them.
The goal isn't for them to forget about COVID no, the goal is for them to find a better balance.

And, I 'm not saying it is 100% infallible way, but it shifts the risks in a way we are comfortable with. And, we actually enjoy all those activities, so it works for us.

until it happens to you, it’s easy to dismiss it.

💯

I do think Covid lockdowns also exposed to some people that they were masking when out and about.

The stay at home order took that (skill?) ability away from some and has made it harder for them to manage again.

We’ve seen it with students who “coped” with school who no longer could cope or felt there was a need to cope when covid showed them there was a different way.

Thats why it’s been so hard for many when people dismiss the idea the pandemic would have further reaching consequences than than pandemic itself.

Perhaps it compounded already underlying MH problems.

But she does need help - but she won’t accept it if it isn’t a problem for her because she maybe happy with her life and we can’t really dictate how someone lives it if they aren’t causing others a danger.

So sad but apart from supporting your db (I assume he at least lives his life relatively normally? Presumably quite a lot of the time without her) I don’t think there is anything you can do

I know 1 person who has had a genuine struggle with long covid and my dh’s taste and smell is only improving now after 4 years.
but the vast majority of us of course just got got it (several times) got better and got on with our lives.

She's not sick and she can do what she likes but her DH doesn't need to be dragged down with her.

Marriage is 'in sickness and in health' not 'in paranoia and in health'

Yes but has this lady said she "hates people." My understanding is that she was a "social butterfly" so clearly doesn't.

There are of course cases where MH is involved - and there always were people who had social aversion. There is nothing on the face of op's post to suggest that is what is at play.

But I don't think it's helpful to lump people in buckets and pathologise choices.

I find some of it quite bullying because I think much of the noise is in fact to do with people grappling with anxiety about their own choices.

For me it's the marriage that is the real issue here.

We do all have to factor in how our choices affect those closest to us.

It sounds like she has built up serious anxiety around it which is now effecting her life. She really needs to speak to a GP about it and start with some CBT therapy etc. But only your DB is in a position to help gently nudge her etc.

I'm 4 years into long covid and yes it completely sucks and has been a long journey to resemble any type of "normal". I would say a lot of the long covid boards can be very hyper focused. For me the reality is its a long term health condition I need to manage but even someone with the condition I can be unpopular on the boards if I state this!

Reality is they don't fully know what triggers it so it can effect anyone but her reaction needs addressing with medical assistance.

Sounds like she needs mental health support tbh

Like all PP have said, she needs urgent psychiatric help. But as she is refusing it and your brother doesn't have a pair to stand up to her and say that that is NOT how they will be living if they are to stay together, then there is nothing you can do.
Just be thankful they don't have children.

He has also changed his lifestyle, which is troubling in itself, because it feels enabling of her issue, but I can understand that he wants to keep the peace.

He is naturally an introvert (as I mentioned earlier in the thread, she is actually the more extroverted one before she developed this issue), so he doesn't go out much and also works from home. When he does go out with his mates or comes to see us, which would only happen a couple of times a month, he has to sleep in the guest room and wear a mask for 48 hours afterwards!!!!

That is an incredibly patient man. This is clearly not sustainable and is completely disproportionate to the threat.

We indulge the sob stories of posters who claim to suffer with 'Long-COVID' but I am sure there are stories from people about how injuries from a train crash have had a detrimental affect on their lives. It doesn't mean that we should obsess on unlikely worst case scenarios.

I have to sympathise with your poor SIL, OP.

I did a bit of research on scientific articles about Long Covid recently, as I have had three concussions over the past decade and there has been recently research into how LC can be similar in presentation to concussion patients, which is leading medical professionals to work on treatment that is similar to post concussion syndrome patients.

Having lived with post concussion syndrome for a year after my first concussion a decade ago, I can see how awful it is to live with Long Covid, especially if it is probably caused by inflammation, as a head injury is not dissimilar too in some symptoms (cognitive etc).

I was terrified of getting Covid and hoping that I'd avoided it but recently went through a week of it during the summer holidays, and survived. I didn't have the vaccination as I also have a medication induced neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia that was caused by some off label antipsychotic after my head injury, and I'm extremely sensitive to medication side effects now.

I can absolutely understand how your SIL feels, especially when considering how debilitating my post concussion syndrome symptoms were. One of my friends has Long Covid too, and she's only just gone back to work in the past year

But, and i say this with kindness, she needs to go out and live life without fear. It's easier said than done of course, and I do totally empathise with the anxiety. I've been there, but know it's nowhere near as bad as it could be. It is obviously very hard for her, but she has to go out and feel her fear while just making a life for herself. She will see her life pass her h6 otherwise and that would be a real shame.😔

@Calliopespa

Yes but has this lady said she "hates people." My understanding is that she was a "social butterfly" so clearly doesn't.
There are of course cases where MH is involved - and there always were people who had social aversion. There is nothing on the face of op's post to suggest that is what is at play.
But I don't think it's helpful to lump people in buckets and pathologise choices.
I find some of it quite bullying because I think much of the noise is in fact to do with people grappling with anxiety about their own choices.

I think people grappling with anxiety should be supported with it, of course. But there's clearly a lot of denial and head in the sand behaviour going on here. Unless there is very significant immune compromise or long-lasting post COVID illness, anyone who is still isolating after five years needs some significant help with their mental health.

I don't need to "pathologise" her choice, I think she's already doing that for herself. That deserves compassion and support but let's not normalise it.

I am on immunosuppressants and had to shield too. Added to this I can no longer have the Covid vaccine due to a reaction.

I don't alter my life. I go to crowded places (gigs, theatre, football etc) and go on public transport. I have had Covid several times and I have to take the anti virals when I get it, the last bout was the only one which made me feel crap, I had brain fog and felt tired for about 2-3 weeks but then fully recovered than goodness.

I take the same view as I do to taking the immunosuppressants, I know I am at a higher risk of skin cancer (so I wear factor 50 at all times) and blood cancer (which I can't do anything about) but the alternative is not to take them and be ill all the time and have no life, and I would rather have a shorter enjoyable life than be ill the whole time so I take the risk

It sounds like she has health anxiety and cannot assess risk properly, I would think some counselling would help.