Friend helped herself to my birthday cake - is she ill or rude?

[Topofthecliffs]

I had a birthday party as a fundraiser for a charity on Saturday. I invited all my favourite people plus a friend who has been behaving oddly and has been rude and abrupt recently.
We had a live band and planned a cold buffet during the interval. Timings were band started at 7pm, supper at 8pm then more music and dancing.
At 7.45pm the strange friend approached DH and told him some people were very hungry and the food should be served now! He explained it would be soon.
I took the covers off the buffet at 7.50pm. She happily dived in and filled a big plateful. At 8.45pm the band played happy birthday, I blew out the candles, and took out a knife to cut the (huge and beautifully decorated) cake. I went to fetch some napkins to serve the slices on. As I turned to the cake I saw SF pick up the knife and hack a big triangular slice for herself from the front. She made off with it to her table. We were all astonished and have been trying to understand why she thought this was appropriate behaviour.
For info she is 70, a highly educated professional, but socially awkward. She has been becoming increasingly impatient and anxious in cafes and hotels at meal times wanting to get in as soon as the doors are open and wanting to be served first. She sometimes takes other people’s orders if they arrive before hers eg a cappuccino
AIBU - yes she is unwell and you should be compassionate - no she was rude and behaving like a greedy toddler.

She took a big wedge. If she had waited, she would have been given, likely, a small rectangle of cake. It's very different.

Cake needs to be apportioned by hosts, no one else knows how many it needs to feed. You can’t just hack off a huge chunk for yourself.

I couldn't have a friend like that. You are being very understanding

I'm probably unusual here but I don’t think I've ever been to a birthday party for adults with a cake, apart from immediate family. My circle of friends don't go in for events.

I'd have no idea about cake etiquette etc.

I've been to lots of church buffets where you just help yourself to cake - although I'd probably guess it was different for a "posh" cake.

OP didn’t say she’d cut the cake, she said she picked up the knife to cut it and then went to get napkins to serve slices on. Sounds as though the friend got the knife and cut into it before OP had a chance.

Why does it matter ?

It seems unlikely that she has money worries given her successful professional career and her lifestyle but we never know what goes on behind the scenes.

I know quite a lot but don’t want to put identifying details here. She is a very active sportswoman, disapproves of alcohol and smoking, and is quite puritan in her outlook. Her DH is a lovely man, and does all the cooking and cleaning at home. I am sure he is aware there is something wrong. I will have a quiet word with him.

Because the op she’s a shit tonne of money by the sounds of it
and I’m curious whether the guests donated generously

Isn’t this outing op?

not many people hold large fundraisers for their birthday party

With a live band and starving guests!

You are coming across as rather strange. Are you okay? 😂

Heavens
presumably you spent far more on the party

so you have revealed a lot about this party op
surely one of the attendees is on mumsnet
seems very outing to me

🙄

“are you okay”

let me guess, I’m triggered? Projecting? A narcissist?

OP it’s you that’s been on mumsnet all day posting about your friend and a slice of cake 😆

Of course yanbu to serve food at 8pm 🙄
Her behaviour was rude but as she is behaving differently of late i would be thinking all is not well with her ,she may have no idea , does she have family or someone close who you could express your concerns to ?

Do NOT have a quiet word with the husband.
I’m beginning to think it’s you who is
“ill or rude”, obsessing about how full this “friends” plate was at the buffet and rankling on and on about her cutting herself a piece of cake.
A piece of cake fgs.
Let it go OP.

It was a joke! It’s none of your business how I celebrate my birthday and with whom. I shall go and eat my very late supper now as it is past 8pm and I should have eaten it at 5.40pm apparently.

Goodness OP, you sound a bit, scary.

Im worried for this friend now! 😆

Eat it whenever you want
and perhaps next time for your birthday, donate the money yourself and then buy yourself a big birthday cake and scoff it in your supermarket car park as at you sit in your car alone.

It’s in a later post by the OP, hence I said she clarified. Click “see all”. It’s a few up from your own snotty post if that helps.

Good idea. I’m out now. Thanks to all those who were helpful.

Sorry, but it sounds like your friend is starting to have some sort of elderly decline. I had a friend who became incredibly rude to the point I couldn't spend time anymore with her.

But it's a bit of cake all this fuss over a piece of cake.

Oh wow 😮 , the audacity!
I think I’d still be in 😳 . Cutting the front of the cake too is next-level crime. Socially awkward or not, that’s one for the “you can’t make it up” book.
Honestly, after reading this thread I feel like we all deserve a little treat just for surviving other people’s behaviour 😅 Sometimes it’s the little unexpected wins that brighten a week.

why is everyone infantilising this woman?? Honestly if she clearly saw that the food would start at 8pm and she thought she might be hungry before then, she had the option to bring herself a snack! Her behaviour may well be down to neurodiversity or cognitive decline, but I’ve known a couple of supremely cheeky f**kers who do this type of stuff for no other reason than actual greed. It is not your responsibly to open up the buffet early because she can’t wait 10 minutes, or allow her to slice into your birthday cake because she was too impatient. I’m a very non confrontational person but bloody hell this would have really annoyed me. Unless she’s a super good friend I would just phase her out as she sounds pretty insufferable.

I cannot believe the number of adult children on this thread who couldn't cope with eating at eight PM. How do you cope with going out for dinner? Or visiting Spain / France / Italy?!