To think to audition was a waste of time?

[Travelfairy]

DD loves all things drama, attends 3 different stage schools/drama groups as well as doing ballet seperately. Went for an audition for Christmas panto last week, as we waited a mum in the queue told me how she had been involved with this panto for 28 years and that 'everyone there knows' her DD.
My DD did a brilliant audition, she didnt get the part. This other little girl did. I'm not saying she's not talented but aibu to think that this was probably decided before they even went in to audition? Just seems like a massive waste of time and that as with most other things its more about who you know! DD will be very disappointed in the morning, email just came through.

You are being unreasonable to take this attitude. If they knew who they wanted to cast they wouldn't have had auditions. And it won't help your child.

I'm not actor but one of my dds was involved in a drama a group for years. So I saw a lot of productions involving children, particularly her group. One child was always spot on re her performance but she was never the one my eye was drawn to as several others performed with more spirit and had great stage presence. (Not talking about my dd, though she was good in her own way!)

It's like saying the one with the most experience should get the job. Actually it's the one who fits best who does.

And even if it was a done deal, you need to suck it up and keep encouraging your dd.

I didnt day she cant cope with it. I haven't even told her yet....

Remember the old showbiz maxim: It's not fair and don't be late.

I'm sure your daughter is extremely talented and is the best choice for any part, she tries for but you, OP, are definitely a Stage Mum. Mrs Worthington sends regards.

The whole of theatre land is a massive clique, and if your DD wants to be involved with it, it’s best she finds out now.

i work in the west end, in musical theatre orchestras. There are NO auditions for these jobs. It’s entirely who you know. You have to be recommended to the ‘fixers’ who employ the musicians in the bands, so people get their mates in/people they knew from college/people they’re trying to impress/people they’re trying to shag. It’s not a meritocracy at all, and it’s entirely corrupt, but it’s the way it’s always been and I can’t see it changing.

It’s not a waste of time. I’m with you that it’s very cliquey but she’s less likely move on to bigger and better (and less cliquey) projects if she just gives up. Especially if she’s talented, please just keep giving her chances to show off her talent. Is she in the show at all?

Often it isn’t to do with being “good enough” though, it’s more about being the “right” person who fits the casting director’s mental image.

Op my Ds goes to professional auditions fairly regularly and I understand how it feels to see your child rejected, it’s like a punch to the gut every time.

BUT

If your dd is good and really wants this, learning to face rejection, learn from it and move on to the next thing is a skill that she will need. So see the audition as part of her learning experience…yes there will be nepotism, that’s just life but hopefully she will get her break and be wonderful in something that will get her foot in the door.

I also tell ds every time he auditions you just never know who is a part of that process, she might just stick in somebody’s mind and be perfect for the next part that comes along.

If it was a done deal the production company wouldn't have bothered with the hassle and the expense of running auditions - they would have just given the part to their preferred actor. There is no rule/law that parts have to be "won" through a fair audition or interview process, the director or company manager can absolutely just cast who they like. You have no idea what they were looking for.

Agree with others, performing is totally ruthless and if she wants to make a career in this she is going to have to get used to knock backs. Any auditioning experience is valuable. How old is she?

Even assuming you saw all the auditions, it's really hard to judge your own DC.

But as someone who has done auditions, knowing someone is reliable, does What's asked and is generally helpful and cheerful does play into decisions.

I've been in a situation where someone's done a great audition, got the part, then turned up to about one rehearsal in 3, or pulled out a fortnight before the show because they've got a better offer or argued/not done half the directions given, even in one occasion let us know the week we performed that they couldn't be there for 2(out of 5) performances - and yes they had known that at the audition.
The other one was we always asked parents to get chaperone trained, most parents were happy, or to do something else helpful. You got the odd one that was downright obstructive when asked. "I have netball twice a week so can't do anything else" was one example.

So tell her to pick herself up, do more auditions, get experience, perhaps volunteer backstage.

I think with am dram that is a thing but with a good reason.
They need to know that you will turn up to every show and rehearsal without fail.
If she goes this year for one of the crowd she is more likely to be picked next year.

@Travelfairy I think its very much who you know, maybe you need to schmooze a bit more. At our school, we have a girl who does acting stuff as a sideline, very basic additional classes outside. She literally ALWAYS gets the main parts at every show at school. Her mum is equally loud/forward. We are all used to it now and thankfully no one is too bothered.

Making connections is going to be part of the job like networking is in other industries. I can see connections and previous experience being even more important for child roles. You need to know the child can hack it, the parents will be reliable etc. it’s a ridiculously tough industry to crack with rejection being the norm.

Exactly, she got the experience.
Keep going if your DD wants this.
It is not easy and it takes a long time and lots of rejections.
You see these girls getting the parts, but have you seen them being rejected the many other parts they did not get? Even if they are known and part of the showbiz? If your DD gets chosen to do one part, then she will be known for the next one. And some other girl will think they were chosen because of favouritism. It is the way it is. If she is serious about that career, it is not enough to be the best at the part, you need to be reliable, extremely hard working, being able to put up with negative criticism, being able to carry on despite any disaster behind or in front of the curtains that day.

You see it at the top level as well - top directors in theatre and film choosing to work with the same actors over and over. It’s not because they are the best actors in the world, it’s because they’ve worked together before, they work and collaborate together well, they trust each other. That’s not to say that others shouldn’t audition. But in such a collaborative and creative process it’s about more than just talent.

Its like anything, talent+luck+hard work+contacts.
No audition is a waste of time. If you don't have the contacts you can shine in the other areas and you arent goingto ahine if you don't get the practice and experience in.
You never know someone could have spotted her and thought, if I see this girl again then she is one to watch.
How many people auditioned? Only one will have got the part.
Good luck to her for next audition :)

Bloody hell OP, if you want your DD to pursue a stage career, you need to get real. It’s an endless cycle of auditions, rejection and disappointment. Regardless of how talented someone is, a huge amount is down to luck, being in the right place at the right time, and - yes - there’s a fair bit of nepotism that you can do nothing about.

If you want to spare your DD all that, choose a different career aspiration. It doesn’t get any easier into adulthood either…

Yes it probably was already decided, but they had to be seen to go through the motions of auditions. Picking her to go first was a big sign!

I once went to an audition for a Panto when was a child and got through to the final 12. They wanted 8 dancers to pair up as 4 couples and be boys/girls.

I wasn’t tall for my age but the girls were younger and the boys (the girls they used as boys as well as 2 boys) my age.

They paired up their preferred 8 - I was one of them.

Then got rejected on my height for someone else!

It’s a tough business but I agree with others that your DD needs to keep turning up to auditions because one day she could get the part and the next audition she goes to she could be seen as a “favourite” because she’s known and they want someone they know they can rely on.

One of my boys is an actor and I’ve long ago lost count of how many auditions he’s been to. Some parts he gets, many he doesn’t. Locally there’s a group of young people who have all got to know each other because they all turn up in the same shows. They’ve become great friends over the years and look forward to seeing each other. There’s one particular boy who my son often competes with for the same parts. He is an absolutely sublime singer and is a different build to my son, and a bit younger. My son isn’t as good a singer as him but a stronger actor. They are pretty even at the moment in terms of who gets the main role and who’s in the chorus, or who hasn’t been cast at all. Much of the time it isn’t who’s the ‘best’, but simply who better fits that part. They go to different schools and only see each other when they’re acting, but they get on well and support each other. This is the case for DS’s whole theatre ‘crowd’.

OP I get the impression (perhaps wrongly) that your DD is still quite young (my son is in his late teens, for comparison). But friendship and growing confidence and working together are hugely important elements of auditioning and performing. I dare say your DD and this girl will be on stage together in the future. The more your DD gets known, I would think the more chance she has of being cast. Good luck.

I don't claim to know anything about this world but in other situations experience counts massively, I wonder if this other kid had this? Tell your daughter NO means Another Opportunity, and that you will support her all the way. Also,kindly, you perhaps need to be more resilient (I couldn't watch my child be disappointed so much, I haven't got it in me!) Won't say good luck to your daughter in future as it's unlucky? But hope she is successful soon.

OP, please don't whinge to other parents about your uniquely talented and wonderful child being overlooked unfairly. Every one of those other parents will also have a uniquely talented and wonderful child. You will need contacts. Don't be the person everyone avoids. Praise the efforts of others and accept and practice the social norms they expect. Otherwise you're doomed to near-constant disappointment.

I think you need to be open with her that getting her first bigger role will be tough but that each audition is experience and eventually she'll get there, even if it's a lesser part than the one she goes from.

It is understandable to a degree. If the other child was in it last year and excellent then they know they have someone reliable who will do it well.
Even if your daughter is brilliant, it's a risk as they have no idea if she's likely to get stage fright at the last minute, have other commitments for rehearsals etc (I'm not saying this would be the case, just that she's effectively untested).

But once she has a role and does well, I'm sure you won't be complaining when they recast her year in year out.

Reliability/Trust is such a key factor. I am not an actor or performer but have been on several productions as an extra. On one production last year the 3rd assistant director (who was looking after the extras) told me they kept a "shit list" - anyone who had been awkward, hadn't followed directions or was late just wouldn't be invited back, and that would be fed back to their agency too.

Productions want people who will turn up reliably for every show and every rehearsal, not be awkward, follow directions. They knew this other girl can do that. They don't know your daughter so have no idea whether she can or not. So if they were equally good, their previous experience with her would be a huge factor.

You are being unreasonable to take this attitude. If they knew who they wanted to cast they wouldn't have had auditions.

Ba ha, of course they would. Got to pre empt these very questions, got to be able to claim everyone had a fair shot.

It's a horrid industry on every level, even local amdram. Come on, did the tone deaf marionette Emma Watson get the enviable role of Belle because she sings and acts so well?

I used to work in this industry many years.

You can't really look at it like that. It's incredibly hard becoming a actor, pop star, professional athlete, dancer, model, presenter... It's uber competitive, most people don't make it, once you start auditioning for paid work, initially pay is very low so you'll be working in cafes etc. Of course it's different if you're a Beckham etc... But hear me out.

Auditions are experiences. It's also how you build your network, how people see you're persistent and someone might see that you're actually talented. So you can't not go to auditions because 'not going to get it anyway'. It toughens you up, you learn what to do better for next time. Most times you will not be picked, that's the reality of it.

In fact, 9/10 you won't be picked, doesn't matter why. So if you're approaching it with going there to be chosen, it will be very disappointing most of the time. Trying to be on stage is basically a lesson in disappointment and rejection, which in itself can be a useful lesson. It's not like school exams where if you work hard, you do well. You can be amazing and work so hard, and it gives you an edge over others, but usually you still won't be picked.

Therefore you can only do it if you really, really love it. Passion and love for the craft, the desire to become better and learn from the experiences, and see being chosen as a nice bonus is the only way to get through it.

Being chosen is based on connections but you can also make connections, be a pleasure to work with, super punctual and reliable, good attitude. As you say, at the local level it's a small pond, so if your DC is good and keeps showing up, people will start remembering her. And while it's harder without, look at someone like Ambika Mod.

You do it for the love and accept rejection therapy as a side dish. If you are no longer having fun and it's affecting you negatively, you get out.

If you start telling your DC early that all you need is connections, she'll easily lose the love for the craft, and potentially become quite disillusioned with trying anything in life.

You miss 100% if the shots you don't take 😉

You might like this, it's about children in a hyper competitive enviornment and how they are built up, knowing that 99% aren't going to make it: https://learning.coachesvoice.com/cv/nick-cox-manchester-united-academy-director-interview/