To think to audition was a waste of time?

[Travelfairy]

DD loves all things drama, attends 3 different stage schools/drama groups as well as doing ballet seperately. Went for an audition for Christmas panto last week, as we waited a mum in the queue told me how she had been involved with this panto for 28 years and that 'everyone there knows' her DD.
My DD did a brilliant audition, she didnt get the part. This other little girl did. I'm not saying she's not talented but aibu to think that this was probably decided before they even went in to audition? Just seems like a massive waste of time and that as with most other things its more about who you know! DD will be very disappointed in the morning, email just came through.

I used to model many, many moons ago and you’re right it was the same few people who got the jobs time and time again. It was extremely annoying.

My agent once told me it’s not because they’re ‘favourites’ but it’s due to their personality and how well they come across in auditions, plus the more work they do, the more they get seen which shows they’re ’capable’ of doing a variety of jobs, they’re seen as reliable, most able to deliver what the client needs etc. I’m not sure I buy all that but what I do know at these sort of auditions, be it for acting, performing or modelling is that if you’re an outsider that doesn’t seem to consistently book jobs, then unless you have an amazing personality and knock their socks off you’re just one out of the many hundreds they will see at an audition all competing for the same job.

Depending where you are, get an agent and look at paying gigs rather than am dram

Ignore the mean commenters OP, it’s great you are your daughter’s supporter and cheerleader! I hope she goes far in the industry, but you’re obviously learning the lesson now that she’s going to need to be much better than the other kids who have friends/relatives involved in the production. For those saying she just wasn’t good enough and the OP sounds bitter, just open your eyes and take a look at all the nepo babies in the film/music/modelling industries, don’t tell me they got their on their own merit and grit and not because a big Hollywood actor/directod/producer is their mother/godfather etc 🙄

My DD is a professional musician. It’s been an eye opening experience as she is the only one in our family in the performing arts. For every amazing job she’s done there are probably 10 rejections. She plays a relatively niche range of instruments so work is more frequent than for other musicians. You and your DD are going to need incredibly thick skin OP and an ability to get over things like this very quickly. It’s brutal and acting and singing are even worse than music because looks frequently come into it as well as talent, plus far more people are competing for the work available. Your DD might be brilliant but so are lots of other people. If she wants to do this professionally you need to brace yourself for endless disappointment.

The poster said "The stage is not for your dd if YOU can't cope with her getting rejected", not if she can't cope...

There are many reasons for not getting a part that aren't down to nepotism/favouritism, your DD will most likely have to get used to all of them. As long as she faces each knock back with resilience, whatever the reason for the rejection, she will be OK.

A known quantity is just easier. I used to do a lot of music and a lot of gigs were won not by being the best but by being someone the conductor/promoter had worked with before and who was good at being on time, being flexible and being relatively biddable. It's the same for primary school plays - big roles tend to go to the kids who are going to be brought to afterschool performances, will be helped to learn their lines at home, who teachers are confident will not melt down on the night or get stage fright. Sometimes that means a better actor is sidelined and often that means the same kids get the big roles every year. If you are serious about getting into acting, you need to do the years in the trenches with a smile on your face.

A familiar, mediocre actor who turns up everytime without complaining and follows instructions is a far far better proposition than the unknown superstar who may bail for a better opportunity at the last minute or have inconvenient migraines or personal drama.

My DD is 19, and going into her second year at a London conservatoire (music).
The audition process was really tough, out of 5 auditions she got 3 rejections and was pretty despondent. (The London offer came through at the last minute when she'd all but given up hope).
Many of her peers were being offered places on the spot (some with huge scholarships) so that made it worse.
But it has made her extremely determined, she is working so hard at her degree. Some people who have never had the same disappointments tend to take things for granted. She realises things aren't always handed to you on.a plate. She has found many performance opportunities through her own efforts.
Good luck to your daughter. I hope she can be resilient!

Unfortunately in these sort of industries ie. Acting/performing/modelling, it is just a case of someone was better than you. Thats not to say you should take the rejection personally. Depending on the job might be for reasons as simple as the person who got the job made people laugh at the audition and their personality and confidence shone through. For modelling jobs it was sometimes something as simple as the colour of your hair might not work with the lighting. Sometimes it is just a case of “you weren’t good enough”. There are all sorts of reasons why someone might not get the job. The most common reason is because there were over 100 candidates at the audition and they could only pick one for the job. I used to do a bit of modelling up until 10 years ago. The modelling, acting and performing industries all overlap and the casting process is pretty much the same for all 3 industries.
Whatever their reason for rejecting is, you do need to have thick skin as rejection is all part and parcel of those type of industries.and yes unfortunately sometimes the reasons for those rejections are you simply just weren’t good enough or other candidates gave a much stronger audition.

Also ordinary people aren’t nepo babies so it’s a completely different process for the rest of the mere mortals who haven’t got to where they are via rich and famous parents.

No one on mumsnet can know that the other child didn't get the part because of who she knew. It happens. I hope your dd gets parts elsewhere

Wow, thanks for all the replies!
Sorry I cant reply to 53 individually 🙈
To answer a few questions....
This local panto is 75 years old this year. There is a rival panto that DR'S musical theatre teacher runs. I sent DD for other audition as its her favourite show and essentially the main character. While waiting to audition a staff member asked what experience. I mentioned the MT group and she went quiet....maybe this is also a factor.
To the poster that said sign her up to an agency, I have recently done that thank you.
She has done modelling previously.
I am extremely reliable and early to everything! I volunteer on the school parents committee, our residents association and a local charity. BUT I know a new group of people wouldnt know that.

I will let her audition for her MT group panto and hopefully she gets some kind of part in that.

I will of course tell again that rejection is such a part of this industry...the casting director for this one spent a bit of time with her and asked her to read a second scene ao that made her think she liked her. She did email inviting her for auditions for smaller roles but I think if a smaller role would rather stay with her own group but I'll see what she thinks.

Someone said about being loud and obnoxious/pushy to get her out there. That's just not in my personality 🙈🙈

Thanks for all the replies especially those working in the industry, very helpful.

It may be that as they know her and her mum, they know she will turn up for rehearsals and not have nerves etc, may be she was 'good enough' and reliable. Where as your daughter was fabulous at audition, but an unknown quantity as far as reliability is concerned. Is it possible to join the cast in a minor role first, to show her dedication and give her chance to be known as a reliable option for future performances.

Not an actor, but I do come from a family of them (not one of those families, just people who do jobbing parts, rep theatre back in the day etc.). As others have said, there's a million reasons why someone doesn't get a part. It's really not worth trying to pick apart - that way madness lies.

If your DD wants to do this panto in the future, I'd encourage her to audition for a smaller part this year. Being a known quantity, hard worker, team player etc. counts for a lot in these auditions (that's why they ask about experience). Also, she doesn't want a reputation as someone who only wants the starry roles. If she really wants to do e.g. drama school, part of the audition process is seeing who'll be a good member of a cohort, able to work as a team, etc.

If it's basically the main part, then there was no way on God's earth they were going to give that to a child they'd never worked with before. No matter how good the audition.

If I were you I'd pick a lane with regarding what production you want to be a part of and then she builds her reputation within that via smaller parts.

Agree with this. It’s one of those industries where you really do have to start at the bottom and work your way up. It usually involves a lot of hard work, blood, sweat and tears that drives you to the point of almost wanting to give up. But perseverance means you will get there eventually.
It’s very rare someone gets a major part straight away. Not saying it’s impossible but it’s rare.

This absolutely happens. And it happens a lot.
I say this as a step mum who came into the audition world as a bit of an outsider. Very early on it was clear there were favourites who were always picked for lead rolls.
One year an extremely talented teen was given a smaller part. One solo. She received a standing ovation mid show and I shit you not, the mother of the favourite removed her child from the show during the interval and went home in a sulk!! The way she stormed out made it very clear what the reasoning was.
Her understudy did beautifully and was given the lead in their summer show the next year.

I think that asking her to audition for a smaller role is a positive. They obviously liked her but quite agree with the rest of the replies about your dd being an unknown quantity

Employers when faced with a group of people with exactly the same qualifications, it will be narrowed down at some point to who they think will be reliable and those who had a Saturday job etc and proved they managed to get themselves up, out the door and arrived at work on time and could follow orders will make the cut.

Yes this is what I'm veering towards. Stick with the company she knows even if a smaller part

My daughter is a dancer and has had several auditions where she wasn't offered a place. It's just something they have to get used to if this is what they want to do.

There are a million reasons for any of this and most of it won't be apparently to anyone else. The last one my daughter didn't succeed at they were actually judging more than just her dance ability - they were testing her confidence too and she didn't do well at that part. It is exhausting to run these sorts of things and working with someone new is hard.

I'm guessing they knew they could rely on this child due to the long relationship with the family. She's likely put the work in on smaller parts and built up to being someone they all knew and trusted. If your daughter isn't willing to lower herself to get a foot in the door she's going to struggle to build new relationships - you never know where something small might lead (understudies and such). I think saying no off the bat to anything except the lead is not a great introduction to this new group.

Jaw dropped reading this 😲😲😲

We are not saying no, at least mot yet. Main parts were last week, auditions for smaller parts are next Sunday. I'll see what DD thinks after school today. The main character is her all time favourite character.
She has played lead roles before. Played Mary Poppins in June. She is very capable but agree with you all, she is an unknown to this particular theatre group.

You are being unreasonable to take this attitude. If they knew who they wanted to cast they wouldn't have had auditions. And it won't help your child.

Is that why many workplaces have external applications processes, and interviews, and then - surprise, surprise - the role always seems to go to the internal candidate whom they all already know?

Announcing auditions and going through the whole process of holding them is great exposure and advertising for the show. Plus a lot of the youngsters who take part will then be aware of and feel somehow 'connected' to it and badger their parents to buy tickets for the whole family to go.

It's tough isn't it.

If she is serious about a future in drama, she needs to get used to the knock-backs - it is simply part of the scene. I know as her mum your instinct is to defend her and stand up for her, but this will not be the last time this will happen. It is part of her learning.

I think you - and quite a few people on this thread - are really misconstruing and missing the main point of OP's AIBU.

She isn't complaining that her DD didn't get the part (obviously she's disappointed, mind); she's pointing out that none of the other girls got it either.

If the part had gone to a different 'new' girl who was currently unknown to the panto organisers, but who clearly had all of the qualities needed for the part - and judged more so than anybody else (including OP's DD) - I highly doubt that OP would have considered the audition a charade and started this thread about it in the first place.

To be honest, I could well imagine the organisers responding in exactly the same strawman way to any parents who had raised this on the day:

"Was there any point in all of us here bringing our daughters to audition when you already had your guaranteed person chosen long in advance?"
"Ah, well YOU need to learn that YOUR child isn't automatically the best at everything and YOUR child needs to come to terms with the fact that THEY won't be chosen every time."

You also often find that some of the extremely 'keen' parents of the golden children who are always chosen will also have formed other connections - whether out of commitment to the cause and generosity or for other motives - which would make it very awkward indeed if their child weren't chosen.

They or their company may sponsor or provide an important part of the production - costumes, venue, printing programmes, advertising, technical equipment etc.

Sometimes, it can simply be the adult equivalent of the boy in the playground who is never excluded from a football game, however mean or unkind he is, or how dirty he plays - because he's the only one with a ball, and if he goes, so does the whole game.

If the other mum has given 28 years contribution to the Panto they have probably earnt a bit of benefit from it.