Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

[TFICoffeetime]

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

It is strange to arrange to meet friends and spend three hours with them then leave after starters to go somewhere else if they booked the meal. I expect the restaurant were ticked off too. The 40 minutes late is a red herring if this was at the start of the day. Did you meet up lunchtime? I certainly wouldn’t do a 5 hour round trip for them in the future.

I think @BennyBee has it - one of the couple double booked them, and the other wasn't about to sort out the mess they'd made.

The OP was clear as to what she meant from the start. I didn’t even notice any dyslexia and I have pretty high standards of spelling and grammar.

The OP being late in the morning is almost irrelevant.

The group went on a planned early evening meal out, arranged by the friends. The friends then bailed and left after the starter. In no normal world is that acceptable. Unless they gave a decent explanation, it was rude and utterly bizarre behaviour.

The people trying to be nasty to the OP and thinking they are being clever and contrary, just take a step back and realised how ridiculous the friends’ behaviour was here.

You may never find out OP why they acted so strangely. But if you do, please update here!

And in my mind 5.30 is a good enough time to leave, isn't it? How much longer did op want to stay at the restaurant given that they had a long drive home? It seems perfectly fine to me that the family had another restaurant nearer home where they could complete their meal. I don't get the fuss?

OP probably wanted to finish the meal ;-) You think it’s okay to book a meal with friends, and then leave after the starter with no explanation? The friends lived an hour away. It is certainly strange behaviour that I have not seen in my life! Is this kind of thing normal in your social circle?

" the meal we had with them was very expensive "
I think this is the most likely explanation, that they were shocked by the price and too embarrassed to explain that

The votes are weird - maybe people don't understand the question?

However, your friends were WILDLY rude!! The being late at the start of the day is a red herring, as it has no bearing on the evening meal. Of course it's rude to start a meal with a friend and the bugger off after starters to be alone, and exceptionally unkind and odd to boot. Sorry this happened to you OP!

I am not in the habit of dictating to people how they want to spend their time. If they want to finish their meal somewhere else I would be fine. If op was alone and they left her in the restaurant I would be inclined to think that was off, but she was with her family including the dog and could have a perfectly nice time without them. In my mind spending a few hours with people is more than enough.

Op might have had it in mind that they would all have a nice leisurely meal together but the other family may have thought differently about the day. It all seems a bit ill planned, but I doubt that the other family have anything malicious going on, despite op wanting us to think that. Or maybe they do. Even Op doesn't know.

They ordered starters and OP's husband asked if starters and mains could be brought out together?! Isn't that like saying 'we're having one course'?

Ok so you met up early afternoon, plan was to spend afternoon together and then have a full dinner at a pre-booked restaurant. You had a 2.5 hour drive but were 40 mins late. 40 mins late is bad BUT you did message on the way and with such a long drive its hardly surprising. They had a 1 hour drive. They didn't seem annoyed that you were 40 mins late; it didn't really impact them or impact on your plans. They spent the afternoon with you and you went to dinner as planned. But then suddenly they left after their starters to go to another restaurant that they said they had booked. They didn't offer an explanation like 'oh this place is terrible' or 'omg I suddenly realised we're double booked'.
Yes, that's weird of them. Normal people don't make two dinner reservations. I think you should say something like 'its a shame you didn't stay, the main courses were lovely' and see how they respond.

OP's husband wanted starters and mains to come out at the same time, surely that would explain it? why not leave if the option of a main has been taken away by the late arrivees?

You weren’t a little late, that was very late and smacked of poor planning from you. Your post comes over a bit entitled too. You have teenagers not toddlers for goodness sake. Don’t blame them for leaving and going elsewhere!

I was just reading thru your posts. Have you considered that it's not anything to do with you or your lateness. Perhaps it's an issue between them that you are not overtly aware of and the friend just wanted to leave and they made an excuse to go and did. In a couple of months time she might tell you some news or you might hear news that will surprise you but could show something was going on at this time. If she has messaged back after your last message then perhaps it is nothing to do with you persay.

OP I am with you on this one. Definitely strange behaviour, you are friends and an abrupt end to a lovely day like that would make me feel awkward and miffed too.

The lateness isn’t great but 2.5 hours is a bit of a trek compared to their 1hr , what an effort to get yourselves and kids and dog there, I think a little leeway is allowed in this situation given you were travelling the further distance.

Something was obviously up if they had quietly pre booked somewhere else earlier in the day to go for the rest of their meal. I find it bizarre that this wasn’t communicated until you were having your meal and just before they left?

I see you’ve asked her and she hasn’t given a reason. Not really sure what to say other than maybe call her? Texts can come across wrong as tone can be misinterpreted? I hope you get it sorted.

No one was late for the meal. It happened after both families had spent the afternoon together.

They were late for the outing itself.

She did not dictate. She did not stop them from leaving. But she feels upset that they left like that without an explanation. Because it is bizarre behaviour from the friends, however you try and spin it.

I think the explanation that will be most comforting for you and that is just as plausible as them being cross with you about something, is that there was something personal / embarrassing going on for them that they didn't want to share with you that meant they needed to get out of the restaurant fast.

• one of them had a phobia being triggered
• at least one of them has an eating disorder and more eating in public was too hard
• one of them saw a nasty work colleague/ hated ex friend / teacher seeing a pupil etc
• at least one of them is seriously unwell and needed to go home ASAP to rest (the other restaurant could easily be a lie / plan changed on the way)
• at least one of the drivers was feeling moderately unwell and wanted to start driving now not an hour later
• one of them is pregnant and feeling sick and needing to be away from food smells.
• one of them is taking a GLP-1 or other drugs with similar side effects and feels sick / has little appetite.

You can say something like ' hope you all got home ok and enjoyed the other restaurant' and see what the reply is.

You weren't late in a way that made them wait for food so they wouldn't have been hungry / didn't make the meal later because you were late so I suspect that has nothing to do with it and they're all caught up in their own stuff.

I definitely think its a double booking.
There is no other reason to have two restaurant bookings on the same night.

Not only is it rude to Op. Its unfair to the restaurant too. They might well have turned down other bookings for thrm to have the table for 2 hours and they've left after 40mins tops.

I can’t make sense of this post. Why do we have to have a lengthy irrelevant confusing story? Unless it’s the OP trying to appear to be in the right to justify her behaviour.
OP arrived late. Friends got fed up and made other arrangements. End of. Know for next time if there is one.

What happened directly before they left? You are looking at them leaving mid-meal as being related to you being late, but that doesn't make much sense. What happened directly before the restaurant, as you went in, sitting down, ordering, eating the starter? Did someone say something terribly offensive and the other restaurant was some weird spur of the moment excuse to get away? It is weird they would have gone in with you if they were already thinking of bailing. Far less rude to bail before the meal rather than mid-meal. Did something happen closer to the time that caused them all to go? Not sure of the whole story, but their behaviour is very strange.

Maybe it was the expense of the food...was there wildly different costs to the meals and you were 'splitting the bill'... most importantly where was the dog!! when you were all in the fancy restaurant before the poor bugger had another 2.5 car journey!

I think it's OP's DH asking for starters and mains to be served together is why the friends left after the starter.

Could there have been some weird, unexpected thing crop up at the restaurant, like an ex partner at the next table, explaining them dashing off?

Made it worse by could "of".