Page 36 | Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

Thenose · 01/09/2025 10:12

I understand your posts.

Yes, what your friend did was weird. People don't typically leave in the middle of a meal unless there's an emergency.

It seems passive aggressive. However, you won't know if she continues to pretend it was normal.

I'd be upset and confused, too.

I'd recommend not arranging to see her again with this hanging in the air.

Delatron · 01/09/2025 10:15

Daygloboo · 01/09/2025 10:08

Maybe one of them felt ill or developed diarrhoea or something and just didn't want to say

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I think becoming unwell is far more acceptable and a polite reason to leave than if you’ve booked another restaurant at the last minute.

choppolata · 01/09/2025 10:32

30Plants · 01/09/2025 09:23

Are you always late? I think if this was a one off - the late thing won't be an issue - but if you are known for lateness - that's never good.

This is what I think too. OP turned up late once too often, when the other family had made a big effort to arrive on time. They wanted their wasted time back, so took it.

(I also like the wet dog theory)

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 10:32

lotsofpatience · 31/08/2025 15:57

Let's face it, lovely. In your case, it's just one meaning only.
Make more friends.

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I'm surprised you have any.

Angrymum22 · 01/09/2025 10:50

choppolata · 01/09/2025 10:32

This is what I think too. OP turned up late once too often, when the other family had made a big effort to arrive on time. They wanted their wasted time back, so took it.

(I also like the wet dog theory)

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If you read the thread, or just OPs posts you will see that this question has been covered, and answered in full.

MotherofPufflings · 01/09/2025 10:54

Angrymum22 · 01/09/2025 10:50

If you read the thread, or just OPs posts you will see that this question has been covered, and answered in full.

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I can tell this is going to be one of those threads that will keep getting bumped for weeks by posters who desperately need to share their unique viewpoint without reading further than the OP 🤣

CatHealy · 01/09/2025 10:57

Dery · 31/08/2025 14:44

The way you have presented this is rather confusing, OP, but I think the position is that you were 40 minutes late meeting your friends for the planned afternoon activities but that this had no effect whatsoever on dinner which wasn’t happening until 7 pm. So you all arrived at dinner together but for some reason your friends decided just to have starters with you and go on somewhere else. Given that your family had a 5 hour round trip for this get together whereas it was just 2 hours for your friends, I agree that their behaviour seems pretty strange and rude and, in your shoes, I would be feeling pretty upset about it and struggling to understand what was going on.

You've made this a bit clearer in my mind @Dery.

However, the day out now sounds really badly planned. If it took so long to drive there why plan to have dinner at 7, which would take a few hours and then you'd have a long drive back again at night. With children who have medical needs and a restless dog. I really don't get it. They must have been very special friends at one time for op to go to so much trouble.

Presumably, the friends also went to a bit of trouble to be there, so their intention was good. And op's family obviously matter to them. Unless they attended on sufferance.

This whole story is confusing op. In my experience this kind of confusion usually occurs when we are not given the whole story. As we don't have the other family's side of this (and op isn't able to properly describe to us what it was like leading up to them leaving) we just have to speculate.

tinythumberlina · 01/09/2025 11:01

CatHealy · 01/09/2025 10:57

You've made this a bit clearer in my mind @Dery.

However, the day out now sounds really badly planned. If it took so long to drive there why plan to have dinner at 7, which would take a few hours and then you'd have a long drive back again at night. With children who have medical needs and a restless dog. I really don't get it. They must have been very special friends at one time for op to go to so much trouble.

Presumably, the friends also went to a bit of trouble to be there, so their intention was good. And op's family obviously matter to them. Unless they attended on sufferance.

This whole story is confusing op. In my experience this kind of confusion usually occurs when we are not given the whole story. As we don't have the other family's side of this (and op isn't able to properly describe to us what it was like leading up to them leaving) we just have to speculate.

Edited

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But dinner was at 5, it seems. The friends left for another restaurant at 5.30, OP has said.

tinythumberlina · 01/09/2025 11:02

Where I live, people drive two and a half hours to work in the morning and then two and a half hours back each afternoon. It is just bizarre to me to treat it like a trip to the wild west in a covered wagon, and simultaneously be completely unprepared for it and not leave with time to spare for eventualities. What dog has to stop to stretch their legs and go for a wee in that time period?

We stopped once for 15-20 mins

We communicated to friends we had to do quick stop.

It should only take a few minutes if the dog or a child absolutely has to pee, not a 15-20 minute break. (I would love to have seen the friends' faces when they got that update, on top of the traffic delays.)

Pedant5corner · 01/09/2025 11:16

@tinythumberlina , if you stop at the services, you'll be pulling off the motorway, parking the car, letting passengers out, dog has a wee while someone goes to the loo, comes back, everyone back in the car and rejoin motorway. Easily adds up to 15 minutes.

Where on earth do you live where people spend 5 hours commuting each day?

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 11:25

Raven85 · 31/08/2025 20:27

They didnt? Op was 45 mins late and it was a local restaurant/country in?

How can we know where they waited? Has she said that and I missed it?

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Think you missed most of it considering they were there hours before the dinner.

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 11:33

SomethingUniqueThisTime · 31/08/2025 21:24

How odd, I always thought Australia was quite civilised about food. Bless you no need to make an argument about such a simple correction of a common error.

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You were wrong. Bless you for not being able to handle that.

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 12:05

SomethingUniqueThisTime · 01/09/2025 01:15

I really don’t know what your problem is with me, you are being so rude and personal in your replies. The phrase you used earlier ‘usual suspects’ indicates you think I am someone else you have come across before. I very rarely post on Mumsnet, probably less than 10 posts this year.
You are the one who is incorrect, in the UK we don’t use the term entree for starters, entree is the course after ‘starters’ or appetisers, usually a meat course. I accept your opinion that in the places you frequent in Australia the term is used for starters.
Please just leave it now, can’t we just agree that we both think we are right. Life is too short to be so aggressive over a difference in opinion about correct language use - get a grip of your tendency to get so angry over something so inconsequential. I will not be replying to you again.

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In Scotland it's a starter/entree, So yet again you're wrong.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 01/09/2025 12:08

tinythumberlina · 01/09/2025 11:01

But dinner was at 5, it seems. The friends left for another restaurant at 5.30, OP has said.

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@deary @CatHealy

Dinner was for 7 people, not 7pm. OP, her husband and two children, the other couple and their child (who was the one who requested that they bring the dog).

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 01/09/2025 12:10

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 12:05

In Scotland it's a starter/entree, So yet again you're wrong.

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That poster is never going to agree 🤣.

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 12:16

CatHealy · 01/09/2025 10:57

You've made this a bit clearer in my mind @Dery.

However, the day out now sounds really badly planned. If it took so long to drive there why plan to have dinner at 7, which would take a few hours and then you'd have a long drive back again at night. With children who have medical needs and a restless dog. I really don't get it. They must have been very special friends at one time for op to go to so much trouble.

Presumably, the friends also went to a bit of trouble to be there, so their intention was good. And op's family obviously matter to them. Unless they attended on sufferance.

This whole story is confusing op. In my experience this kind of confusion usually occurs when we are not given the whole story. As we don't have the other family's side of this (and op isn't able to properly describe to us what it was like leading up to them leaving) we just have to speculate.

Edited

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They had dinner at 5pm.

HeinzTomato · 01/09/2025 12:17

It's a truly bizarre thing for them to have done. I can only guess that something happened that you're not aware of- either something like illness that they didn't want to mention, or there was some sort of incident that went over your head (eg they were offended by something you said and you weren't aware) or perhaps they hadn't realised that you had booked dinner and thought it was just drinks and they had made plans to have dinner with another friend.

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 12:18

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 01/09/2025 12:10

That poster is never going to agree 🤣.

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Nightmare...

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 01/09/2025 12:21

HeinzTomato · 01/09/2025 12:17

It's a truly bizarre thing for them to have done. I can only guess that something happened that you're not aware of- either something like illness that they didn't want to mention, or there was some sort of incident that went over your head (eg they were offended by something you said and you weren't aware) or perhaps they hadn't realised that you had booked dinner and thought it was just drinks and they had made plans to have dinner with another friend.

No no, it was the other couple who booked the table, the ones that left.

InWalksBarberalla · 01/09/2025 12:27

lotsofpatience · 01/09/2025 10:00

OP, you are assuming their behaviour was caused by your delay. I am more inclined to think that something happened during the wild swimming that made them feel uncomfortable and decided to leave.
I was light-heartedly going to ask whether any of you were doing topless (see the other thread in AIBU).
Joking aside, the whole changing in the car is very odd. It may be usual in other countries but in the UK we don't do that. I think they got upset they could not use a regular dressing room and have a proper shower to feel fresh afterwards so they exacted revenge in the most childish way.

Joking aside, the whole changing in the car is very odd. It may be usual in other countries but in the UK we don't do that

This can't be true surely - that people in the UK don't get changed in the car at times? I'll admit I had to google 'wild swimming' - which appears to be just swimming but not in a pool ( we just call that swimming here). It really doesn't seem at all odd - nowhere near as odd as announcing your going to another restaurant as you are ordering starters!

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 12:29

InWalksBarberalla · 01/09/2025 12:27

Joking aside, the whole changing in the car is very odd. It may be usual in other countries but in the UK we don't do that

This can't be true surely - that people in the UK don't get changed in the car at times? I'll admit I had to google 'wild swimming' - which appears to be just swimming but not in a pool ( we just call that swimming here). It really doesn't seem at all odd - nowhere near as odd as announcing your going to another restaurant as you are ordering starters!

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We do it in the UK too.

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 12:32

TFICoffeetime · 31/08/2025 11:02

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

Wow is this a reverse? I’m asking as the people who was late are rude and not sorry. Manners cost nothing but are so lacking these days…. I’d be hacked of someone was late unless there was a good reason why and they said sorry..,

don’t blame them for leaving you to it.

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 12:34

TFICoffeetime · 31/08/2025 11:39

I mistyped it was 1 HR for them. X

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In that case why did t you meet each other a more equal distance? You both sound flakey

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 12:36

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 12:34

In that case why did t you meet each other a more equal distance? You both sound flakey

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What was that you said about manners costing nothing?

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 12:37

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/08/2025 11:31

Teenagers shouldn’t need to stop mid journey for a wee if they’ve gone before they left, on a 2.5 hour drive. And surely giving the dogs a run out is something you’d plan for and leave extra time?

Something like that I’d plan to be early so as not to get stuck in traffic and be late.

Their actions do sound odd but yes perhaps they were trying to show that cutting bits off the day, either at the beginning or end, is annoying. Or they wanted to get away ahead of the return traffic? Or perhaps it just was their favourite place.

Yeah teens do not need to stop for a brake. There not toddlers. But that do not surprise me cause many mums now baby there teens and adult children. 🙄