Page 37 | Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 12:38

TFICoffeetime · 31/08/2025 11:02

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

Ps a teen does t need a car brake. Do you baby your teen on other ways to?

also you could of left the dog at home. This fixation with taking dog everywhere is bonkers.

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 12:40

paddyclampster · 31/08/2025 22:16

Have you tried maybe phoning your friend? I hate talking on the phone and would rather text, but it sounds like you def need to get to the bottom of this!

I know! I’m wandering in there on there 30s I ask cause I find people in there 30s can be still immature and flaky . I’m in my 40s gen x and we are much more solid.

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 12:42

Didimum · 31/08/2025 23:45

You don’t have to meekly swallow their nasty replies though. It’s BS.

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Who decides what’s nasty or nice tho? That’s a matter of an opinion …

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 12:44

NaranjaDreams · 01/09/2025 08:25

I know you’ve debunked it but as an outsider, from what you’ve said, I’d presume that it was a financial decision and they don’t feel able to share that with you. They squabbled over money, and only had starters, which is common when you’re short of cash… perhaps they had a big unexpected bill yesterday and aren’t actually in financial trouble but one of them is having a stress about cash flow, or something. Perhaps it’s a bigger issue than that. Realistically, it’s the only thing that makes sense - especially because it covers them not inviting you elsewhere, because they may not actually have gone elsewhere.

Perhaps they couldn’t bring themselves to explain that they’d booked somewhere pretty expensive for you all and now couldn’t afford to/didn’t want to stay.

It seems far too random for it to be connected to you being late - they had plenty of time and excuse to cancel the reservation… I’d be presuming they got an unexpected bill etc via email yesterday and the restaurant was more expensive than they’d presumed.

so adults don’t plan a head no more? 🙄

ThatCleverCoralCrow · 01/09/2025 12:47

TFICoffeetime · 31/08/2025 11:24

To be clear. It's 2.5 HR drive for us so 5 roundtrip
For the other family 1 HR, so 2 hour roundtrip.
We have apologised for lateness.
We booked meal as early eve and did sandwich lunch en route.
The meal was booked for all of us. But on the day they decided to cut short and left after starters to go to a different restaurant.
40 mins may seem late. I agree. But there was plenty do to. My DS has travel sickness which is well known. We stopped once for 15-20 mins and there was something on road made us divert which in total 40 mins. The friends husband was fine asked if DS ok. And didn't seem bothered.

The meal was booked for 7 people as early eve meal starter, main, dessert which they booked. We were happy with the day but they left after the starter. Saying they decided to go to a different restaurant. We didn't want to sit at a big empty table so went saw some other sights then had dessert elsewhere.
These friends been late for me before - I wouldn't question just always happy they are there. Especially if it's a sunny day in a beautiful town. They'd grabbed little walk & milkshake so not sure why it was big deal. We had the whole day together. It felt very passive aggressive when they left as just announced they had rang and booked another place, stood up and went.
I felt that was strange & bit rude.?

Edited

Yes, this is a passive aggressive over reaction.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 01/09/2025 12:49

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 12:32

Wow is this a reverse? I’m asking as the people who was late are rude and not sorry. Manners cost nothing but are so lacking these days…. I’d be hacked of someone was late unless there was a good reason why and they said sorry..,

don’t blame them for leaving you to it.

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If you read OPs posts, you’ll see there was a good reason and they did say sorry!

Pedant5corner · 01/09/2025 12:50

@Emmafuller79 , your poor spelling makes your posts barely readable.
A teenager might need a car brake if they owned a car.

2.5 hours is quite a long time to go without a wee. Some people can go hours without, others can't.

OP could have left the dog at home but the friend's wanted to see the dog. Given that the whole family were going to be out of the house for about 12 hours, it made sense to take the dog with them.

I can't make sense of your there 30s sentence.
By I’m wandering in there on there 30s I ask cause I find people in there 30s ... . Did you mean " I’m wondering if they're in their 30s - I ask because I find people in their 30s ..."

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 01/09/2025 12:51

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 12:37

Yeah teens do not need to stop for a brake. There not toddlers. But that do not surprise me cause many mums now baby there teens and adult children. 🙄

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Surely teenagers/children/adults/everyone need to wee when they need to wee.

Rainydayinlondon · 01/09/2025 12:52

@Pedant5corner OP could have left the dog at home but the friend's wanted to see the dog.

No apostrophe in friends

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 01/09/2025 12:52

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 12:38

Ps a teen does t need a car brake. Do you baby your teen on other ways to?

also you could of left the dog at home. This fixation with taking dog everywhere is bonkers.

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If you read OPs posts you’ll see the daughter of the other family requested that they bring the dog.

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 12:53

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 01/09/2025 12:51

Surely teenagers/children/adults/everyone need to wee when they need to wee.

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surely the point is teens & adults can manage that better unless there’s a medical issue. 👍

Pedant5corner · 01/09/2025 12:56

@Rainydayinlondon , it was meant to say friend's DD. Well spotted though.

I don't comment unless something is really bad.

ThatCleverCoralCrow · 01/09/2025 12:57

People on here acting like they've never been late in their life 😂 I'd get it if it was a regular thing but a one off on a nice day where they're not exactly having to hang around isn't a big deal. Maybe they had all fallen out before you'd got there or something and they were actually just wanting to leave and go home due to being fed up in general.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 01/09/2025 12:57

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 12:53

surely the point is teens & adults can manage that better unless there’s a medical issue. 👍

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If you drink, you then wee. Basic bodily fact.

Only way to ‘manage it better’ is to dehydrate yourself. In August 😵‍💫.

Plumnora · 01/09/2025 13:04

I don't understand why people are piling on to you!
Yes, you were late which you acknowledge. You kept in touch and informed them. You had a nice time then they abruptly and with no warning announced they were going elsewhere and just buggered off.
I would be upset too!
You then go on to say that your friend "doesn't like confrontation " and even if you mention it "won't discuss it". Why are you even friends with this person??
Sorry but they sound horrible! Find some new friends who dont gaslight you and treat you like dirt.

ChristmasFluff · 01/09/2025 13:18

I don't understand why you assumed them leaving was anything to do with you, rather than it being about them - especially given the odd row they had about paying.

They're hardly going to say 'our marriage is on the rocks and we can't bear to be together a moment longer'. Or 'wife is very ill and it's all been a bit too much'. Or 'we've had some terrible news and we didn't realise how much it has affected us'. Or anything really.

However friendly you are, people don't always want to share their entire emotional lives with others. It's not always about you. In fact, the indications are that it isn't.

OneCleverEagle · 01/09/2025 13:29

InWalksBarberalla · 01/09/2025 12:27

Joking aside, the whole changing in the car is very odd. It may be usual in other countries but in the UK we don't do that

This can't be true surely - that people in the UK don't get changed in the car at times? I'll admit I had to google 'wild swimming' - which appears to be just swimming but not in a pool ( we just call that swimming here). It really doesn't seem at all odd - nowhere near as odd as announcing your going to another restaurant as you are ordering starters!

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I've been surfing in Devon and Cornwall for decades and we've always changed in the car.

Rainydayinlondon · 01/09/2025 13:36

Pedant5corner · 01/09/2025 12:56

@Rainydayinlondon , it was meant to say friend's DD. Well spotted though.

I don't comment unless something is really bad.

Haha. I’m a fellow pedant and didn’t mean my comment to come across as terse

Didimum · 01/09/2025 13:38

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 12:42

Who decides what’s nasty or nice tho? That’s a matter of an opinion …

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I'd say it's fairly obvious. Here's just a snippet from the first 10 pages alone:

Maybe they couldn't cope with getting to grips with your conversational style.

You want MN to sift through that garbled statement? If YOU are unhappy, don't repeat the event. You're welcome 🙄

Wonder if this is how you communicate with them and it gets annoying?

They may have just had enough of your attitude

How weird to go for desserts somewhere else

Christ on a bike OP. You've spent 5 hours pissballing about on this thread

There are also some removed by MNHQ for being against TOC.

If you don't view these as unequivocally rude and unnecessary, then I am genuinely perplexed.

Additionally, the constant raking over irrelevant details in blunt tone, sarcastic emojis and using countless exclamation and question marks is also indirectly aggressive – something doesn't have to be overtly in your face to be rude, and it's plain to see the purpose of the posts.

Ryeman · 01/09/2025 13:42

Not sure why people are being so mean to you on here op. Your delay was not extreme and you handled it appropriately. Your friends are weird. Let us know if they reply.

Justmyopinionbut · 01/09/2025 13:44

It is odd behavior from your friends and the fact that they have not responded to your message with an answer and that they didn't really give one at the time indicates that something is up. If say your friendship is at a bit if a crossroads with this. Could the men have a chat? They usually are better at being honest. If the friendship is mainly between you women then I'd say unless you get to the bottom of it, the friendship is definitely on the rocks. Hard as it might be, you may need to consider that being late or you possibly saying something is the reason for the quick exit. Hope it works out for you.

Daygloboo · 01/09/2025 13:57

HeinzTomato · 01/09/2025 12:17

It's a truly bizarre thing for them to have done. I can only guess that something happened that you're not aware of- either something like illness that they didn't want to mention, or there was some sort of incident that went over your head (eg they were offended by something you said and you weren't aware) or perhaps they hadn't realised that you had booked dinner and thought it was just drinks and they had made plans to have dinner with another friend.

Could.it be that they didn't have the money

runningonberocca · 01/09/2025 14:02

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 12:38

Ps a teen does t need a car brake. Do you baby your teen on other ways to?

also you could of left the dog at home. This fixation with taking dog everywhere is bonkers.

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If a teen needs to pee they need to pee. As an adult there are times when I couldn’t manage 2 and a half hours without needing the bathroom. People have different size bladders, different sensitivity to bladder fullness, anxiety, diabetes. UTIs, different fluid intake. My mother was of the opinion that teens didn’t need toilet breaks which meant that on any day out I was so scared of wetting myself on the way home that I wouldn’t drink anything all day. Don’t be that parent. It was really anxiety provoking and honestly ruined family holidays for me

XiCi · 01/09/2025 14:14

This thread is crazy. The OP met friends for a day out, did a planned activity, sat down later on for a meal they had booked and the friends stood up after their starters, announced they were going to another restaurant and left. I don't believe there is anyone in the world that wouldn't think that was incredibly weird behaviour. I suspect that there is some going on with the couple - money or relationship problems but as the OP Id expect an apology. Traffic problems happen, no big deal. People sometimes need the toilet in the course of a car journey. That's bloody obvious isn't it. Not sure if some people on here are really thick or just get something out of piling on the OP.

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 14:16

XiCi · 01/09/2025 14:14

This thread is crazy. The OP met friends for a day out, did a planned activity, sat down later on for a meal they had booked and the friends stood up after their starters, announced they were going to another restaurant and left. I don't believe there is anyone in the world that wouldn't think that was incredibly weird behaviour. I suspect that there is some going on with the couple - money or relationship problems but as the OP Id expect an apology. Traffic problems happen, no big deal. People sometimes need the toilet in the course of a car journey. That's bloody obvious isn't it. Not sure if some people on here are really thick or just get something out of piling on the OP.

Both imo.