Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

[TFICoffeetime]

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

@Rainydayinlondon , Don't worry, you were right to point out my error. I took no offence, because it was my mistake and I had meant 'friend's DD', which without the 'DD' wasn't obvious.

I didnt I was talking about the 45 mins they were alone in the village waiting for her they could have called in for a drink or something. However she went on to explain that they were in a different village whilst waiting for her. Its all clear in the comments.

If the other family didn't have the money, why book that place? They're the ones who chose it, not the OP's family.

If one of the other family had become ill/there was a sudden emergency, why announce that you're only going to have starters? You must know you're not going to be around for the main course if you say you're only having starters - if someone was ill or there was an emergency they'd leave soon as they could - not at some point 20-30 minutes hence.

If the other family were mortally offended at the OP's family being 40 minutes late (despite being kept up to date with what was happening, and despite being in a nice place on a sunny day where presumably they could have got a coffee or an ice cream or something to fill the time), why not say so? Why spend the afternoon with the OP's family, AND book a table for a meal AND go along with them to the meal, with the intention of leaving early to teach OP some vague 'lesson'?

OP, I'm not surprised you're hurt. It makes no sense. I do doubt it was something you did that caused this, and even if it was, they have totally over-reacted while also not being adult enough to say what it was that bothered them.

Sounds like you could do without 'friends' like these.

And FWIW I don't think I could do a 2.5 hour drive without needing a wee at some point.

Are you sure your friends just didn't like the restaurant you were in and didn't want to say? Could have been embarrassed because they booked it. Maybe they didn't like the mains on the menu, or there was a funny smell, or there were too many dogs, etc. etc.

Why imagine that though! This thread has ensured that if I ever have a problem I need an opinion on, I will never post it here. I really can't believe how nasty or, frankly, nuts people are.

I agree.

I mean, that's all possible. But it's still weird as hell not to explain your exit halfway through a meal. None of those reasons would necessitate keeping schtum about it, at the expense of everyone else's peace of mind.

I think this friendship has run its course. Just leave it, don´t contact be breezy if they contact you, but no real commitment. I would have weirded out by that.
Best,

You turned up 40 mins late you knew your child got carsick and knew the dog would need to pee you should of planned accordingly and left earlier . I would of waited 15 mins then left personally!

I suspect that if OP had mentioned that there was tension between this couple during the meal in her first post, rather than focusing on her lateness (several hours earlier) and mentioning the tension as an aside on page 10, this thread would've gone a bit differently.

1. she has asked them.

2. they didn’t leave quickly. They left after a few hours.

3. I really don’t think OP is the issue here….

I agree, I can’t think of anywhere else with so much spite and venom as here sometimes.

@TFICoffeetime i hope you’re ok, your friends seem weird. We have friends like this (dh and I) and I’ve sort up just lowered my expectations of the m. They always leave early, seem like they’re itching to get home, it’s annoying.

And FWIW I don't think I could do a 2.5 hour drive without needing a wee at some point.

Yes, but then you would factor that into the timing of the car trip and leave home earlier to accomodate the stop. Not dick around letting the dog 'stetch his legs'.

I think if you keep people informed when travelling, then 40 minutes isn’t a huge delay on a 2.5 hour journey. It’s not as if they had a plane to catch or were going to the theatre. Obviously one doesn’t set out to be late, but it happens.

So I don’t think it’s the lateness because otherwise there would have been an “atmosphere” from the start.

Something happened in their car OP and you might never learn what it is.

Have you considered that maybe they saw the prices in the place you was eating and realised they couldnt afford it and abit embarrassed decided to leave ???? If they was absolutely fine during day, just seems a very odd quick change of mind ??

I suspect from what you say about paying for the starters that it is a financial issue. I would put money on it that they did not actually stop at the other restaurant but instead went straight home. The starters were probably to keep them going till they got home.

Your friends are rude.

It's very strange. Two possible explanations;

1. it was nothing to do with you being late. They made plans with someone else and felt awkward admitting it when they realised so tried to skirt around it. You said she doesn't like confrontation. I have a friend who does this btw and it is VERY annoying - I would travel to meet her then she'd be all awkward and say "what are you doing later?" As if it's perfectly normal to tracks two hours and leave after 40 mins.

2. They were annoyed when waiting and booked the restaurant - closer to their house, budget and preferences as they felt they were always accommodating you and you are not reciprocal. This would align with the wife not wanting her husband to give extra (yet again). As presumably things settled down after meeting they probably felt very awkward.

@TFICoffeetime you mentioned a dog with you and it sounded like they were a couple with a child. Maybe they don't like eating with a dog around? A guess but it's another option to add to the possible why they didn't eat with you. Personally I don't like eating with a dog next to me.

The people saying you don't need to stop for a wee on a 2.5 hr journey probably have never been stuck in traffic on a motorway with a full bladder.

@Plumnora , the OP got stick because there was a lot of information that wasn't really necessary, and some info that was needed was omitted.

Oh wow I hate this. Passive aggression to the max. Leaving after starters is just unbelievably rude.

So on the one side... maybe there is something you don't know. Maybe they got some bad news. Maybe their daughter (not sure ages?) had a feminine issue they didn't want to discuss with you? Maybe maybe maybe there are loads of possibilities.

The problem is like you say she doesn't like confrontation but that's the worst too! Two sensible adults should be able to have a normal conversation along the lines of 'I was surprised you left early, and I'm worried you're annoyed we were late, do you want to talk about it?'. Would she really not be able to handle that? If not, honestly I don't know what to say, I couldn't be friends with someone I couldn't have a totally basic open conversation with. Life is too short to be running round trying to second guess why someone's behaving as they are.

That's unnecessarily harsh. She clarified by her second post what she'd mistyped in the first message. Easy enough to do especially if typing on a phone.

@Phoenixfire1988 , I would of waited 15 mins then left personally!
Do you drive? If someone has a long journey to meet you, only being prepared to wait 15 minutes is shockingly poor behaviour.