Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

[TFICoffeetime]

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

I would not make any effort to see them again.
If you do meet up again, make sure it’s much closer to where you live, let them drive for over 2 hours.
I really don’t understand why they didn’t say ‘Actually, we’ve decided to eat later at X restaurant, it’s on our way home, we will have a main meal with you guys though.’
Instead of all this cloak and daggers stuff.

This post is very confusing and states you were late but then had the whole day together. If your planning and comms are as confusing as this then they were probably a bit pissed off and they obviously planned to ditch you at the end of the day, which wasn’t kind. Give it a swerve next time or leave more contingency time.

Ok, so 40 minutes is late, but sometimes things happen and people are late. Unless you are always late for things, then if they are good friends, they will just wait for you. We have friends who live over 2 hours away, and occasionally they are late to a meet up, or we are, but no-one gets overly bothered by it.

The fact that they left after the starters to go to another restaurant without you is very odd, and very rude. I really can't imagine why they would do that, unless it was an excuse to leave the meal for some other reason. That's not how reasonable people behave. YANBU

All of this - I read it as what should have been a one hour journey took 2.5hours. In which case really there was no need for anyone in that car to have to stop for a wee - and I would be most unimpressed about the dog situation as well

I'm confused.

I thought the OP had more than one DC with her?

Clearly it did ruin the day if they left you mid meal though…

I think you're being quite blase about being 40 minutes late, and insisting that they could have a nice time without you would have been annoying. But they seemed fine when you arrived so maybe that wasn't the issue. Maybe something was said or done that annoyed them while you were sitting in the restaurant and made them want to get away. Can you remember exactly what happened at that stage? Deciding during the starter to finish your meal at another restaurant is surely too bizarre to be genuine.

I agree. I would definitely cut friends some slack for a journey that long. Especially if they had encountered accidents or unexpected long queues. Sometimes even adding plenty of time isn’t enough. As you say the only way to really avoid it is check in to a hotel the night before.
This is mumsnet though where any form of lateness for any reason is not tolerated. I’ve seen posts from users before saying if a friend was 10 minutes late for coffee that would be it- friendship terminated, never speak again.

OP, what this (as is nearly always the case) boils down to is you're going to have to actually speak to your friends and ask what their problem was.

If you don't do that, you will absolutely never know and Mumsnet cannot help.

On the face of it what they did sounds extremely odd so there was obviously an actual reason for it.

If you won't ask, then you won't find out 🤷‍♂️

I think they're knobs. Maybe don't make the effort driving to see them again, OP.

It's not that big a deal that you were late with such a long drive, they should understand and I say this as someone who dislikes lateness in friends.

Personally, I don't think meeting in a village for a scenic day out is something you can really be "late" for. It's not job interview or a play.

We left a few weekends ago to go to DP parents with no real set arrival time and sat on an A road unable to go anywhere for seven hours (then just went home). You can't plan for everything. Maybe OP did have an extra hour in her timings but it was all eaten up, plus forty minutes, by the traffic issues.

But the friends were incredibly rude, not just to OP, but also to the restaurant they have booked. Really weird behaviour.

Their behaviour was utterly bonkers, but I can’t help thinking you have form for your own lateness /laissez faire attitude which would drive me mad,

once you’re own of the newborn phase this sort of explanation We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers is BS.

I think we were just shocked. And didn't know what to say. There wasn't opportunity to ask without kids. I've since sent thanks for the day, apologies for late arrival & shared pictures.
Felt v confused by it - hence post. Genuinely think I wasn't been anymore unreasonable than them. We were late, apologised. Didn't affect the day, or us been able to enjoy a meal together. They walked out a joint activity - a meal and just left with a weird explanation - if it's close to home go another time or book that one to begin with & we would have happily eaten there. They chose the restaurant. X

This. Totally this. My Mum is equally as confusing, and spending any time with her is just mentally exhausting. Confusing stories, drip fed discussions, irrelevant waffle and just generally poor at communicating. I often met up with her and my Dad (who is permanently mentally exhausted putting up with it 24/7) and after 20 minutes or so I remember why I struggle so much and make excuses to leave early. It's just draining. Working my way through this thread, every one of the OPs posts is more and more like listening to my Mum. We've been saying for years she's ND but she disagrees.

I think it's weird and a bit odd, and i'd take it as a sign that this friendship was waning a bit. I'd send a message saying you enjoyed seeing them, sorry you were late, hope they enjoyed their evening. I'd then not make plans to see them again, it's up to them to make that gesture, and it should be something near you not them if it goes ahead. It's tough when friendships show themselves to be a bit lopsided and fragile, so i am sorry OP.

They walked out a joint activity - a meal and just left with a weird explanation

And yet 😳

I've since sent thanks for the day, apologies for late arrival & shared pictures.

You're ALL very weird, honestly all of you.

You're supposed to be friends. You can simply text to ask what the problem was, 'not getting a chance because the DC were around' is just an excuse.

Why are people finding this so hard to understand?

OP lives 2.5 hours from meeting place and was 40mins "late" on the time they said they would meet.
Friend lives in hour away.
OP updated friend on arrival time by text.
Once they got there, had a nice day, booked a restaurant for early supper (taking into account the long drives home) and went to that.
Friend left after starter claiming they preferred to go somewhere else, near their home, with no apparent actual reason given, leaving op in an embarrassing situation.

Surely you order starters and mains at the same time. So how did they leave suddenly after the starter?

Yes, we know because if you catch up with the thread, the OP eventually explained all this?

A 2.5 hour drive is a bit of a trek and is quite likely to encounter hold ups as it's quite a long distance. I wouldn't be annoyed if my friends had made such an effort and were late, I would by sympathetic that their journey had been extended, not angry.

Secretly booking a different place to eat and leaving you all, after your long journey, to go and eat elsewhere is just weird and rude. I would see my arse over that and would have to ask them why.

But you didn’t factor it in, if you’d factored it in, you’d have left an hour early and your timings make it clear you didn’t, it also seems you stopped for food along the way, they’d have left an hour later if you’d have communicated correctly as well, and you didn’t.

It’s a tactic @Negroany
The usual suspects derailing every thread with “oh sorry OP, I can’t quite…. Did you mean? Just try and rephrase it a bit for us, we’re all trying very hard…. I think what she means is…. gently OP, could you be ND/thick/poor/fat?” instead of focusing on the meat of the issue. Boring and ridiculous.

A 2.5 hour drive is a bit of a trek and is quite likely to encounter hold ups as it's quite a long distance. I wouldn't be annoyed if my friends had made such an effort and were late, I would by sympathetic that their journey had been extended, not angry.

This

It sounds like you were in no rush to meet them and taking your merry time. Waiting around for people is no fun.

Maybe once at the restaurant they realised they couldn’t afford a multiple course meal and made their excuses.

If they ask to meet up again then you'll have an opportunity to decline and tell them why.