Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

[TFICoffeetime]

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

They had already had lunch. So had we. This was a meal at the end of the day. They booked the restaurant. They still had 3 courses. Just across 2 different restaurants.

How was the atmosphere all afternoon OP?

OP, why (when you refuse to ask your friend a reasonable question) are you assuming their leaving had anything to do with you being late?

Perhaps your DC pissed them off, your dog, you or your DH.

It's totally pointless assuming/speculating.

I don’t think your post are confusing, your friends are odd and rude, both to you and the restaurant to leave after starters. I think something was said that they didn’t like, so they made their excuses and left.

On a 2.5 hours drive, you are bound to end up in traffic at some point, and it’s such a long drive for a meet up, particularly if someone in the family gets car sick. However, they should have made the best of it, and got with the day and you could meet up with them when you got there.

So very sorry but it sounds like someone had said something and they had to get away from the situation, can you think of anything? I wouldn't go to see them again, I'd let them be.

you were 40 mins late that would annoy me. I can’t believe you can get your teenager to go out with you for the day.
You are both strange though: your friends for changing restaurants after starter and you for changing for desert. Is this a thing now?

I think being 40 minutes late with a 2.5 hour journey involving motorways is perfectly acceptable, especially as you had kept them updated. All it takes is some roadworks or an accident and that’s it.

This whole thing with them booking the restaurant and then deciding to go somewhere else half way through the meal is odd.

It wasn't ideal that you were 40 minutes late. However, for them to have the starter with you at one restaurant, then leave without you and have the rest of their meal at a different restaurant was rude and very odd.

I wouldn't make much effort with them in future.

Confusing op aside. I'd find it bizarre and rude for my friends to leave after starters to go to a different restaurant without us when I was expecting us to spend the evening together having dinner and a 3 course meal

Have you had fallings out before? Tension? The only thing I can think of is that you or your family somehow annoyed them so they left.

Your posts are difficult to understand, @TFICoffeetime .

What time did you meet up, and at what time did you turn up?

This is what I think you are trying to say:

You were meeting a friend and her family for a day out. The venue was 1 hr from where they live, and 2.5 hrs from where you live.

You were late by 40 mins, and you let them know you were running late.
You all went for a swim.
You all went for a meal at 5 pm, as planned, then your friends left after the starter to eat somewhere nearer their home.
You ate 1 more course after they'd gone, then went to eat another course somewhere else.

My opinion:
You were late by 40 mins, which is probably because you didn't allow enough time. (IME, journeys like that often take 45 mins longer than you think).
It happens, but not great.)

Your friends were annoyed you were late. (Understandable, but you had a long journey.)
Your friends rudely abandoned a meal that you had planned to enjoy together.

Conclusion: There must be more to it, or these people are not your friends.

I don't understand the timing at all.

You said your meal was booked for early evening but they left at 5:30 after starters? So what time was your meal actually booked for? 5pm? That's not even a meal time. I don't understand who would want to eat a three course meal late afternoon when they had only had lunch a few hours earlier.

Either way, it's definitely odd behaviour to leave a restaurant after starters and then go to another restaurant, especially when your friends have driven such a long way to meet you. I can't imagine any circumstances in which I would do that.

All I can think of is that your teens or the dog were pissing them off. When was the extra restaurant booked? Was it before you met up for the day or was it just before or during your meal? Sounds crazy. And yes, did they just order a starter or did they order a whole meal but leave before they ate it? I would have had to query their actions and sod the fact your friend doesn't like confrontations. Their actions were asking for a confrontation!
Also I would never have messaged her a) to apologise again for lateness and b) to thank her for a nice time. Drop them.

It’s not hard to understand what OP means.

It was very odd and rude of them to leave like that. If it was because you were late, they could have simply said when you arrived “oh it’s a shame you are late, we are going to have to leave by 7.00 anyway as we have plans later”. But if you had a dinner reservation and you arrived at the restaurant at the time that you’d always planned to be there, then you being late to meet them didn’t have any impact on what time they needed to leave.

They didn’t expect you to join them did they? It wasn’t an invitation as in “I fancy going to xxxxx instead” with an expectation that you would say “that sounds great, I’ll see you there” rather than just letting them go alone?

Incredibly rude.
Yes you were in the wrong to be so late and factoring in extra time would have been the right thing, but walking out of a preplanned meal to spend time on their own is just weird.
Are you often late to meet?
if so, maybe they just snapped.

Let's get down to the important issue here.

Did they pay for those starters?

[And how 🤔]

@TFICoffeetime so you had a whole day and evening meal planned with them, you were 40 minutes late due to a diversion so you still had the whole day (and it was 2.5 hr from you and only 1hr for them).

At the evening meal for which they had chosen the venue, they decided after starters to leave and go elsewhere.

Do you think they were disappointed with their choice and decided to cut their losses? Could they have wanted you to go with them and felt awkward?

The only way to know is to ask them, because it does seem very weirr.

The only thing that I’m not sure of is if you had left enough time to get there. For journey that takes 2.5 hours with stops, if meeting others or going for a timed event, I’d probably add an extra hour.

It sounds to me as though they became unsettled throughout your time together during the day - either with yourselves, your kids or your dog. By the time it came for food they just couldn’t sit with yous any longer 🤷‍♀️

If I've understood the OP correctly the friends live an hour in the opposite direction, so I don't suppose they can have expected the OP and her family to drive another hour to have the rest of their meal in a different restaurant and then drive 3.5 hours home.

Depends on whether you factored time in for wee/dog stops and traffic? I would have left 3 hours so then would have ended up 10 minutes late? It also depends how long you were messing about ‘stretching the dogs legs’ as that part seems unnecessary. Sounds like you were quite blasé about being even more late after you had traffic problems.

You’ve done something to piss then off.

I do find your posts a bit unclear - sorry! Wondering if that’s how you communicate with them and it gets annoying? I have a friend like that and it’s infuriating..

Something might have come up that they didnt want to tell you, like daughter had come on her period and asked to go home, were worried about traffic back, had tensions over an argument earlier in the day they had, remembered they left the oven on or backdoor unlocked, daughter had plans with friends and was moaning at them privately to go home, wanted to get back to sort stuff out for the morning. There could have been loads of reasons that they didnt want to tell you. Or were you planning to eat earlier than you actually did in the end?

We're they whispering to each other before they got up to leave? Seems really odd situation to me, unless they gad starters to keep you company while you ate, having always intended to leave at the time they did and eat elsewhere?

I'm just impressed by people who go for a swim in the river before eating out.

For those that think the OP writes clearly. Go back and read the original OP there are lots of crucial words missing in sentences.

It’s decipherable I guess but not that clearly written.

I don't think you're going to recover from the earlier garbled post OP, but hopefully we've all got the gist of it now. They left after the first course of a dinner you'd booked to have together. Unless there was an argument over something (being late, having the dog, politics, whatever) there's no justification for that!

This is an insane take.

Surely "not wanting to be incredibly rude to the people who have driven 2.5 hours to have a meal in a restaurant with you" trumps "not wanting to say your daughter is feeling unwell/you think you left the oven on/insert feeble excuse here".