To dislike my husband masturbating in bed?

[justabigdisco]

I was woken last night by the bed shaking and my husband heavy breathing. I asked him WTF he was doing and he said ‘just trying to get comfy in bed’ however it was clear he was wanking next to me while I slept. There have been other episodes where I’ve been woken up and thought ‘is he…?’ but never been sure until last night.

I haven’t said anything to him yet but have been thinking about it all day. He has a higher sex drive than me and I know this frustrates him, but AIBU to find it a bit gross and disrespectful?

,😂

For those who have discussed masturbation with their partner to establish boundaries , did anyone's partner agree to never masturbate ?

If you can't beat them join them ! ☺️

It was how I discovered that my ex-husband had fallen in love with someone else and it was “his attempt to remain faithful”. Also discovered that he didn’t love or fancy me but did “appreciate” other women.
Ps - not meaning that he is unfaithful but it did feel degrading.

So just because you disagree with something sex related it’s “internalised misogyny” Where’s is it? I don’t see it. In fact I agree with the comment. It’s shockingly apparent on MN that British attitudes to sex are still rooted in the 1950s for many.

I would rather he did that then wake me up lol

I would not be bothered by his masturbating, but I would be perturbed by the clean up. The difference between men and women masturbating in bed is the amount of secretions produced. We don’t go to sleep in a puddle of spunk after we have sex, so why would I want to sleep in it after a wank? Why would he? I suppose I’m curious about how this was going to be managed rather than the act of masturbating, per se.

What would annoy me is the thought he is using, who is he thinking of!

He woke OP up anyway.

You sound very controlling

Waking her up expecting sex.

I often masturbate in bed to help me sleep

Absolutely this. Forcing anyone to witness a sexual act they don't consent to is a form of sexual abuse/assault.

It's not about him needing to 'hide away', obviously masturbation is a normal thing. But he needs to make sure he's not making people around him uncomfortable with it including his wife.

He could have waited or gone to another room.

Yeah - my original comment said something very similar.

Which is fine if it doesn't wake up anyone else sharing a bed with you.

It isn't fine if it is disturbing someone else who is trying to sleep.

Meanwhile I have to see women's camel toes and so much of their body and I get told to look away

People snore, fidget and talk in their sleep. I get up to go to the loo. He puts the radio on if he can't sleep. We often disturb each other. It's just part of life if you share a bed.

I wouldn't care about the wanking... It would be the waking me up that'd piss me off.

FWIW, I walked in on my ex wanking in the kitchen and that gave me the ick far more than our bed.

The internalised misogyny was this quote right here: there are so many sexually repressed prudish women remaining in this day and age

Honestly, probably one of the vilest things I’ve read on here in a while.

Just because a woman doesn’t like to have her spouse wanking at the side of her whilst she sleeps and waking her up with heavy breathing and the bed shaking doesn’t mean she’s sexually repressed and prudish.

Just because some women agree with the OP doesn’t make them sexually repressed and prudish.

Not if you're considerate of the fact that you are sharing a bed with someone. I wouldn't disturb DH on purpose and neither would he, it isn't difficult.

Wanking is a selfish choice if the person next to you is sleeping.

Of course it is disrespectful. OP was asleep. I wouldn’t start playing with myself whilst my partner was sleeping next to me and wouldn’t expect my partner too, he can do it in private or with OP when she’s awake (with consent). It’s a big grim to just do it whilst she’s asleep next to him.

Nobody is suggesting this at all. Gender reversals work sometimes but not in thia case. I haven't seen anyone suggest that woman riding a dildo while her husband is asleep to be fine 🤷🏼‍♀️

@mylimebiscuit There is the expectation that you have sex with your wife yes, consensual sex free from coercion. Otherwise it is marital rape. Do you not think that men can sexually abuse their wives? Or that being married means you must bow to your dhs libido? If he's doing ANYTHING sexual that makes op uncomfortable then he cannot continue to do it and op has the right to ask him not to.

Having sexual boundaries doesn't automatically make op controlling - she's not telling him he can never have a wank. He can of course have a wank in bed when he's alone. But he also cannot just assume that his wife is happy for him to do that in front of her and wake her with it.

The key in all of this is that its made op uncomfortable and she doesn't like it. Whether or not you or I would be cool with it is actually completely irrelevant.

MN is such a a confusing place. It makes no sense what is considered totally normal and acceptable.