To dislike my husband masturbating in bed?

[justabigdisco]

I was woken last night by the bed shaking and my husband heavy breathing. I asked him WTF he was doing and he said ‘just trying to get comfy in bed’ however it was clear he was wanking next to me while I slept. There have been other episodes where I’ve been woken up and thought ‘is he…?’ but never been sure until last night.

I haven’t said anything to him yet but have been thinking about it all day. He has a higher sex drive than me and I know this frustrates him, but AIBU to find it a bit gross and disrespectful?

According to @Hygbridghhh, you’re also committing sexual assault.

I have done this if I can’t sleep and so has my DH. If he woke me up doing it- I would watch or offer a flash of boobies. We have both have a high sex drive so any opportunity really. I think knocking one out really is the best way to get to sleep. But if it makes you uncomfortable you should speak to him.

…what?

Why should she be woken up and made to feel uncomfortable in bed, it’s her bed too.

Argh!! I am the partner with the higher sex drive. Otherwise that makes no sense. Ffs

Best go round up all the women who have quietly rubbed one out while their husband sleeps then.

The person who can’t spell the word presence?

That's vile. It would put me off wanting to have sex again. He could go to the bathroom if he needed to do it so much.

I wouldn’t be happy about this at all! I don’t give a shit about DH wanking, I don’t give a shit about what he watches when he wanks, but I don’t want him wanking next to me while I sleep. It’s a private act unless it’s part of a consensual sexual encounter.

I would be annoyed by this because I would take it as him making a point out of "having" to wank instead of getting sex and making sure you knew it. Surely he could have been more discreet about it? It wouldn't sit right with me.

Off to the cells with you.

I'm sure most men would love to wake up to their wives having a cheeky play!

I’d personally be disgusted. I’m surprised not even would be tbh but judging by this thead many think its acceptable… but it feels creepy AF to me. Wank away but do it in private, otherwise it feels like a violation to me. Like how do you know he’s not aiming himself at you ?!! Ew

The very same. You’ll be getting a long prison sentcence.

My DH has never complained and often leads to sexy time so all good in my book.

Just seems a shame anyone would masturbate whilst in bed with their dp imo.
Do you have sex regularly op?

I wouldn't like this. In my relationship we've spoken about everything so we are both on the same page. We've agreed together our boundaries and preferences. We both want to be enjoying sex and masturbation or mutual masturbation together. Otherwise we both feel like we are missing out. It works for us. But for other relationships it might not so they need to agree.

What I would really be questioning is why he is lying about it and adding this whole element of secrecy in. I think a honest conversation is needed.

I would have no issues with my DHs sperm - I am happy to get covered in it during other times so this certainly would not be an ew from me. It is not some random stranger.

Exactly. My partner loves to watch.

Orgasms act as a soporific and so yes if i have trouble sleeping I do that. Why not? DH does too I know (he has insomnia) but I tend to find it amusing when he starts to do so, then I sigh seemingly in my sleep and roll over so he stops.... then when he starts again, I do that again. It makes me laugh. If i can be bothered I join in.

It's a normal part of life surely.

What, I'm not being clear? Wanking, to me, is a body function similar to defecation or urination. And should be done in private.

I would rather that them him wake me.

If I'm asleep I'm clearly not up for it, if he is then he is allowed to touch himself (really that shouldn't need stating should it, its HIS body).

As long as hes not slapping me with it or skunking his load on me then its non of my business. Certainly nothing that requires 'consent' to wank in his own house/bed.

Well, I would imagine at lest some would feel inadequate.

Everyone will have different boundaries around sex, and that is ok.

The problem here is that you haven’t discussed it. If you can’t discuss sex and boundaries with your partner then something is definitely wrong.

This would not bother me and I would join in- the only upset I would feel is that he didn’t wake me up for a quicky honestly.

I think the issue here is that we know that most men dont think about their wives when wanking. And are not interested in them "joining in".