To send DD to year 7 in Mary Janes

[JulyBlue]

Are these shoes (below) acceptable for starting secondary school year 7?
DD has literally only just turned 11 years old a few weeks ago. She's so young still. And she loves these shoes for their comfort and she likes the style.
But will she get comments about them being babyish??
She has tried on 10 different pairs of school shoes - flat brogues, chunky brogues, chunky T bars, patent chunky T bars, DMs, boys smart trainer style school shoes and loafers.....and there has been something wrong with all of them - too stiff, too hard leather, too heavy, too narrow at the toes, rubbing at heels or rubbing below ankles, too uncomfortable....every pair, all 10 pairs. And these are all from retailers such as Clarks, Startrite, Next, M&S, DM, Schuh.
Then she put these on and they fit like a glove. They are soft, supportive, instantly ultra comfortable......she said "Ah mummy, these are perfect!".
BUT, she's also desperate to fit in with the other girls at her new secondary school and also doesn't want to be seen to be babyish in her style.
Who knew buying secondary school shoes was such a minefield!
Are these OK, or too young for year 7?
I hate even asking this question! If she'd been born a few weeks later she'd have been starting year 6 next week, not year 7, and I wouldn't even be questioning shoe style!

https://www.startriteshoes.com/products/samba-black-leather-girls-riptape-school-shoes?gl=165qkkhupMQ.._gs*MQ..&gclid=Cj0KCQjwn8XFBhCxARIsAMyH8Bun2_uMW-dpGRWcr6jSt1IwQz7QKgeD2N8Lxcg1R33vkzXVnID9qzIaAoVLEALw_wcB&gbraid=0AAAAAD7OCwCjV8g5116EIZCB6-hd1b2sF

hi @JulyBlue - I feel your pain on the school shoe choosing!
Adidas black leather courtblock types were really popular; Nike air force 1 in black and ones like Nike triple black court vision .
it sounds risky in your school though as they’ve specifically said no to sports shoes.
I think it’s a shame as they’re comfy and much better in the winter when it’s raining.
I also think they look very smart.

The Mary Janes you’ve chosen look great though x

And that's because the question was around social acceptance. Which is indeed school / tribe dependent. Whether you agree with it or not - is not the point.

I have children currently at 3 different secondary schools. The social dress code is different at all three.

Edited: for avoidance of doubt, the social dress code by default should also cover the criteria of child comfort (IE don't buy shoes that don't fit) and meeting school rules (some ban DMs, some AF1 etc)

Totally school and area dependent - here (south wales) everyone wears black Nike trainers from what I have seen, mostly AF1 but also the borough ones. Skirts also ridiculously short but luckily my daughter is happy in skinny trousers. Shirts seem to be untucked at some point during the walk to school (I still walk my youngest to primary so go past lots of high school kids and they exit homes looking reasonable but by the first street corner have rearranged outfits to reduce skirts, untuck shirts and shove unfashionable rain jackets in the bags).

Can you chat to any mum-friends from primary with kids going to the same school or is it not like that in your area? Here, out of 60 kids 58 went up to same high school so we keep in touch.

Oh dear, you really are lacking in comprehension skills. Poor you.

Anyway, I won’t derail the thread for a wind up merchant.

Thank you. 😊

Where all these shoes allowing Nike AF1 as school shoes?

So envious.

Wish our school would allow but it's considered a trainer.

Yep, nothing wrong with your post or attitude!

Oh I see. Thank you.
Unfortunately, it's a hard no from the school to any of those that you've given as examples, which is such a shame.
The school have sent an email out to parents in July and again this week with photos of shoes that are banned. They show photo images of those exact black Nike and Adidas styles that you've mentioned under the 'banned' section and have put a huge red cross next to each of them, just to emphasise the fact they're not allowed!
I can't understand why the school is so pedantic about footwear.

Could I ask the parents whose children wear trainers for school. (Hope this doesn’t derail the thread but I’m sure it’s relevant)

Do they have another pair for PE or do they just wear the same ones for both everyday and pe?

I have a daughter the same age, just turned 11 and off to high school.
It feels like such a minefield doesn't it! Things that didn't matter before you are suddenly thinking will they get picked on for this.
Our school has changed the uniform rules for this year and are allowing all black trainers so we've gone for the Nike air forces, she wouldn't even try anything else on! 🤦🏼‍♀️

I like the shoes your daughter has chosen, if school don't allow the trainers then I'm sure lots of girls will be wearing similar to that?
Good luck to your daughter starting high school!

If she loves them,.then of course that's fine.
The key is to take your guide from her.

My son has worn Skechers throughout, including velcro ones in year 7. He said he was teased a bit but didn't care and still made plenty of friends. Now he is just accepted for who he is. He has a huge group of friends and has really enjoyed secondary

The key to me is to follow your child's lead. DD was very sure she wanted the Nike ones that "everyone" gets so I have got her them. Shes actually normal someone who doesn't follow the crowd but I expect this is part of her way of easing her new school nerves.

Not allowed them at our school.

the shoes look fine

It’s a nightmare OP. As others have said, what is ‘in’ at one school, isn’t in another. My daughter has just left but she wore brogues for 5 years. Some of her friends had DMs. I would try to ask parents with girls already at the school if your daughter really wants to fit in.

They take trainers / footballl boots in their PE kit bag

Mine wears the same ones

What are you talking about? The post by @ItsHellOrHighwater was kind, helpful and relevant to what the OP asked. Most of us will have gone through similar with our children, lots of children want to fit in or at least not stand out. Having an understanding of that is not in some way supporting bullying.

Thank you.
You're very lucky that your school allow Skechers and Nikes.
Skechers are listed as banned at DD's new secondary. I can't for the life of me understand why, as Skechers are comfortable and inoffensive IMO, but they are most definitely banned.
Same with Nikes.

You're so lucky to be allowed black trainers! If only all schools would allow this.
Surely the kids' learning attitudes, behaviour and attendance should be the focus of any school. Not footwear.

It baffles me why they don’t. Most people can wear trainers in the office these days. Plus we surely want kids to be able to run and it’s much better for girls, as so many of the styles are impractical, Dd1 I’ve had the annual conversation refusing to buy ballet flats for years otoh. Interestingly this year she’s going into 6th form, already had shoes asked again and I told her she could buy some herself (she has plenty of money from her job). She hadn’t bothered yet.

Completely fine. Hope she feels comfortable and herself in them and that she settles well in year 7.

My just turned 11 DD also wearing velcro mary janes. About 50% of the y6 girls wore the exact same style last year and hers still fit so haven't even thought about changing them yet. Starting y7 bad enough without having to break in new shoes. I'll prob switch to lace ups in Oct half term as she will have to walk to school in rain and will need more coverage.

She's a size 5 with super skinny feet though so we dont have much choice and def no slip ons as they dont fit.

Agree with other posters that it's a bit area / school specific so would be good to ask somebody at the school if poss.

But DD is just about to start Yr12, she had these in Yr7, about half the year did and the other half brogues. Secondary school has been a bit brutal in parts but don't think shoes were ever a focus of any meanness! Totally feel for you though, we were also so anxious about getting Yr7 right - don't want them to be lambs to the slaughter!

(Comments here about it being the adults and stamping it out is very naive...and if you're fortunate enough to never had your child sobbing at the hands of some little **hole lucky you...if you have and you can prevent or resolve it with something simple like a pair of shoes you'll jump at the chance not take the moral high ground!)

I think one of the most important things is SHE likes them and SHE feels confident and happy going into school. It sounds like this is the case which is great.

Wishing her and you lots of luck for starting "big school"! Hope it goes really well for her.

My ds has black leather NB for school shoes and lighter weight fabric Nike for PE. He walks 20,000 steps a day incl 35 mins each way so I would not want hi. In “dress” shoes.

DS calls me Mummy and he is off to university next month. We discussed it about 5 years ago and he said that Mummy was my name, why would he change it? He refers to us as his mum and dad, or his parents. I don't see the problem.

The better schools around here don't allow trainers and are really strict about it, we live by a girls' grammar and see lots of Mary Janes and loafers, skirts are a kilt type so harder to roll up. shirts are usually tucked in on the way in, different on the way home.

There is a non selective school a mile in the other direction and you see girls in leggings, everyone in trainers, no blazers just sweatshirts. They are Ofsted inadequate and their last report said there is an inherent problem with student aggression and violence. I think they have bigger fish to fry than uniform tbh.

A similar school across town near to where I work got taken over three years ago by one of those academy trusts, lots of sad face local news stories about Jonny not being able to wear his trainers anymore, them not allowing phones in class , parents refusing to send their children to detention because they hadn't done homework etc. The trust that took over have a reputation for being quite firm with rules. They have just had their first Ofsted good rating and this year the GCSE results were markedly better than they've ever been before. I think it's an interesting correlation.