To send DD to year 7 in Mary Janes

[JulyBlue]

Are these shoes (below) acceptable for starting secondary school year 7?
DD has literally only just turned 11 years old a few weeks ago. She's so young still. And she loves these shoes for their comfort and she likes the style.
But will she get comments about them being babyish??
She has tried on 10 different pairs of school shoes - flat brogues, chunky brogues, chunky T bars, patent chunky T bars, DMs, boys smart trainer style school shoes and loafers.....and there has been something wrong with all of them - too stiff, too hard leather, too heavy, too narrow at the toes, rubbing at heels or rubbing below ankles, too uncomfortable....every pair, all 10 pairs. And these are all from retailers such as Clarks, Startrite, Next, M&S, DM, Schuh.
Then she put these on and they fit like a glove. They are soft, supportive, instantly ultra comfortable......she said "Ah mummy, these are perfect!".
BUT, she's also desperate to fit in with the other girls at her new secondary school and also doesn't want to be seen to be babyish in her style.
Who knew buying secondary school shoes was such a minefield!
Are these OK, or too young for year 7?
I hate even asking this question! If she'd been born a few weeks later she'd have been starting year 6 next week, not year 7, and I wouldn't even be questioning shoe style!

https://www.startriteshoes.com/products/samba-black-leather-girls-riptape-school-shoes?gl=165qkkhupMQ.._gs*MQ..&gclid=Cj0KCQjwn8XFBhCxARIsAMyH8Bun2_uMW-dpGRWcr6jSt1IwQz7QKgeD2N8Lxcg1R33vkzXVnID9qzIaAoVLEALw_wcB&gbraid=0AAAAAD7OCwCjV8g5116EIZCB6-hd1b2sF

My daughter is just about to start year 10 and is still wearing similar shoes, perhaps just a little chunkier- hush puppies Tally. We've bought a new pair every year since year 7, as they are comfortable and she says she can't get excited about her uniform. If the school is very strict (her's doesn't allow sports brands or kickers) I would expect a lot of girls will have something similar.

My DDs school wouldn’t accept them - they need to have laces.

Completely agree

Everyone who is buying chunkier Mary Janes, where are you getting them from? I want some for work.....

They are fine OP. I dont think a lot of schools would accept those Nike Boroughs. They are basically trainers as well as being branded carrying the Nike logo.

Mary Janes are very fashionable right now so these are perfect.

How times change - I was forced to wear these in year 7 in 1982 and was ripped to shreds 🤣

Honestly the girls don’t care that much about school shoes ime. I remember Clark’s being sneered at when I was at school but dd1 when let loose in a shoe shop alone at 13 bought them herself. It’s all about the trainers/ uggs they have to wear outside school. They don’t like black leather shoes that much so are 💁‍♀️ about it all. They don’t have sparkly butterflies or flashing lights.

I hate to say it but they wouldn’t be seen as ‘fitting in’ at my children’s school. The only Mary Jane style that was ‘acceptable’ were Dr Martens, yet Dr Martens were not ‘acceptable’ at my friends child’s school. Brogues are ‘acceptable’ at my children’s school, friends school and my nieces school so they’re a reasonably safe bet I think. I know your daughter hasnt found any of those that she likes though.

Can't believe a parent is supporting this attitude.

They are absolutely fine. Let her wear the shoes she's chosen and finds comfortable. That's all that matters.

The person who said this was probably the parent to a child like the one I counted on my first day at secondary school. She said to me, I took one look at you in your backpack and your hair and I fell about laughing at you.

No wonder they behave like this when you ve got posters like that encouraging it. What about the children's parents who can't afford Dr Martens, etc etc.

Then miraculously, by the time you get to a levels or university, this shit has stopped and nobody cares what you wear anymore. Why isn't it stamped out sooner.

It depends on policy they’d be fine at dd2’s school where black leather trainers are allowed.

Dear @JulyBlue I had exactly the same thing with my DD. Uniform policy was so strict on paper and my young DD only liked Mary Janes. Then once she was there she realised everyone in the years above were wearing black leather trainers so after a while I ended up buying trainers. There are some really smart comfy black leather ones and most of the school were wearing them except for all the new year 7s!!

Year 7,8 and 9 wear a version of these shoes OP in my dds school. We did except in spring and summer term and they all wore ballet pumps style when the weather was a bit better.Autumn and winter term these were worn. Tell your dd she will be fine! Hope she settles in and has a great time in high school

Doc Martins ..try there for the chunkier ones

I have got to say, this reply is ironic.

How dare you? Read my post again. I’m not ‘supporting’ the attitude at all. I acknowledged it is shit/horrible TWICE and said hopefully OPs daughter just won’t care as that is the best way to be. But OP has expressed a wish that her daughter isn’t called babyish and has said that her daughter is desperate to fit in, so I gave an honest account of my children’s school.

My own daughter couldn’t have given a shit what was ‘cool’. She wore the shoes she liked, but unlike OPs daughter, she didn’t care about what was ‘acceptable’. My daughter is about the furthest from a bully you could get and would stand up for anyone getting shit about something as insignificant as their shoes. I love that about her, but I also supported my other children who were more bothered about fitting in and chose to wear the ‘acceptable’ shoes. They would also never comment on another child’s shoes either though, because they’re nice and knew that it was all a load of rubbish.

Here is my earlier post in full for you to read again. Quite how you got what you did from it, I really don’t know. You can hopefully do better with your comprehension and inference skills this time. Or maybe you just completely twisted what I’ve said for fun. You’ve made yourself look silly.

My earlier post:

It’ll be very much area dependent OP as to what is ‘acceptable’. It’s bloody horrible for kids and such a culture shock going into year 7 for so many kids. 😢 Do you know any kids that already go to the school that you can ask?

I hate to say it but they wouldn’t be seen as ‘fitting in’ at my children’s school. The only Mary Jane style that was ‘acceptable’ were Dr Martens, yet Dr Martens were not ‘acceptable’ at my friends child’s school. Brogues are ‘acceptable’ at my children’s school, friends school and my nieces school so they’re a reasonably safe bet I think. I know your daughter hasnt found any of those that she likes though.

I don’t think anyone can say for definite as it really is area/school dependent. It’s shit OP. Maybe your daughter just won’t care anyway, which is the best way to be. If she really hates them, will you be able to buy different ones a few weeks in?

Thanks so much!
She really wants to be fashionable. She loves the shoes, but doesn't want to be called a baby or unfashionable for wearing them. So that's good to read that even yr 9s are wearing them!

Wouldn't be allowed at out local school

At DD’s school all the Y7/8s wear either that exact shoe or penny loafers but it’s an all girls prep so they’re the big ones so I couldn’t say with confidence they’ll be cool at your school. Your best bet OP is try to ask someone local to you- any nice neighbours with older kids??

Thank you @LilacTimes
I guess that's what happens....they start secondary wearing shoes they've chosen over the summer hols, then quickly switch to what they see all the older girls wearing once they've started. I can see how that happens.
I'm interested to see the type of shoes you've described, to look at and compare. Are you possibly able to send a link of the ones you've described? Ordinary trainers are definitely not allowed, but I haven't come across any really smart black leather ones for girls in my searches.xx

its the coats and bags that are a fashion juggling act in my dds school...ugh but thats another story!

Sorry - my reply sounds awful on rereading! What I should have said was that Mary Janes are great and all the year 7s were pretty much wearing them at my DDs school.
it’s just no one realised that a blind eye was turned to black leather trainers so I ended up buying those by November of year 7 x

Agree.
100% not allowed.
Stipulated in email to parents this week.

Someone's got their knickers in a twist 😄

You absolutely support it by listing brands that aren't accepted at certain schools and telling her what's a safe bet.

If you didn't support this stuff, you would have replied, let your daughter wear whatever shoes she likes. But you didn't.

I'd say this is school dependent.

For them to tick all 3 boxes of 1) compliance with school rules 2) child physical comfort 3) socially acceptable.,... You'll need to ask a kid at the school she is going to. You have covered the first 2.

Same with socks, backpacks and winter coats.