Currently in Turkey, met a guy…

[theoneortwo]

And I know they say ‘people come along when you least expect it’ but I never ever thought this would happen to me.

im 29, British, recently I came out of a long term relationship and I am currently on holiday with my family.

I’ve met a lovely Turkish man whilst here. Completely unexpectedly, he was working on one of the tours we went on 4 days ago.

I know it sounds silly and cliche, but as soon as I saw him it’s like I just knew I needed to get to know him. We didn’t speak much on the trip itself since he was obviously busy working - but after when he was showing us the photos he’d taken, we swapped numbers and have been chatting ever since.

He has asked to take me for dinner tomorrow evening (locally in the resort town we are staying in) my mum is saying go for it, but my dad seems to have reservations and is telling me not to be so stupid and naive..

This man hasn’t shown me any red flags or given me reason to distrust him.

Im kind of in the mindset that I’m here on holiday, it’s probably not going to progress.. so let’s see what happens?

has anybody else ever been in this situation, meeting a guy abroad / getting to know somebody from a different country?

I know there are huge complex loopholes and issues IF we did get to know each other more and develop a relationship - due to distance etc.

would love to know thoughts please, as I’m really in two minds.

Thank you ☺️

That’s very poor advise.

She’s not here 🇬🇧though is she. She’s in another country that has a different set of values, culture, language and state religion to us.

we are rightfully concerned and not cynics 💁‍♀️

Not necessarily - because as much as I love my parents I’m 29 years old.

That is not to say I AM going, I haven’t decided yet.

🙄🙄🙄

You felt like that because he knows what he’s doing! Professional holiday shaggers know their best angles, which buttons to press, and the power of a well-timed brooding look.

OP, you seem very needy and too preoccupied with finding “the one”. I suggest that you do some work on yourself - maybe therapy - when you get home. Your highly romantic thoughts/hopes around this stranger are totally out of proportion. And listen to your dad.

3 female friends of mine went out about 10 years ago. 2 of them kept going back together. Turns out they had both met men.
One got married and moved over here with her, had 2dc and knocks her around and bullies her. Kids are terrified of him and she doesn’t know how to get him out of her life.
Other friend was in an 8 year long distance relationship, she was the one travelling backwards and forwards as he wasn’t allowed to travel here (something to do with not having enough money in his account or something?) and she invested a lot of money from a house sale here and bought a beautiful place there. And during Covid found out that he was shagging around when she was back in the U.K., had 2dc and a wife she didn’t know about and lost a load of money selling up again.
So I have very limited experience of relationships with Turkish men, none of my own and 2 from friends but neither of them have turned out well.
Have a fling by all means, enjoy if you do, stay safe.

If he agrees to split the bill - go for dinner. Only if you can remain completely objective, see what you have in common, think of how to find out what his thoughts are on subject you feel strongly about without giving it away.

Sorry, was joking.

What was the point of him asking, then?

My friend from primary school ended up trapped in an overseas country for 16 years as she could not leave unless she left her child behind as they were a citizen of that country, not Turkey I hasten to add.

Relationships are complex but add borders and then it’s just ever harder.

Is he as successful here in business as he was in Turkey?

So you're not going to shag him yet think he'll be quite happy with just going to dinner?...Ohhhh Kaaaayy.

Do you not watch the news ? Read magazines? Chat to others? You’re nearly 30 and should know better. Turkish men often target white British women on holiday!’ Thry want a passport to 🇬🇧

You realise this isn't an example of a happy ending though right? She's met him, married him but they've yet to live together. Please don't use this as your barometer.

Go for dinner and report back here!

I'd say go but keep to busy well lit areas.

Make sure you go halves on the dinner.

Don't pay just because he's a poorly paid tour guide and you've got a purse full of holiday money.

Enjoy it for the one night it is.

But out of interest (again I want to stress I may not even go for dinner I’ve not decided yet!!!)

would you say this to someone going for dinner in the UK with a fellow Brit? Would you automatically jump to the fact he’s asked her out for dinner because he wants to sleep with her?

Not trying to argue at all, I am just genuinely curious as to why it’s so different for other nationalities.

Just had a quick look at the Love Rats of Marmaris thing on FB....

Woman asks about a guy who works/manages a restaurant and he is quickly identified as a man who is married with a young baby. Her reaction "No that cant be him, he told me his is single"

Are some women REALLY so stupid?!!

That is on his agenda though.
Listen to your Dad.

It's not only about nationality. It's geography and timing. Of course intentions are different if you both know there's an expiry date. Brits do it too. How many men of any nationality do you really think want just dinner with a woman they know will leave in a couple of days? Be realistic.

Because you're being invited out on a date by a man who has access to thousands of fresh women on holiday every week. Who is both from and lives in two cultures who have a VERY different attitude towards women than you've been raised in.

You're on holiday in a country where men in the service industry are renowned for seeking gullible / vulnerable / accessible British women to seduce and use for money / access to a British sponsor / a torrid affair whilst married. His passport would be considered "weak".

If you were on holiday in France and met a French chap, or in the USA and met an American, the dynamic would be incredibly different - cultures are more similar, there's no power behind your nationality to drive more nefarious interests in the same way.

But he’s a tour guide and you’re on a short holiday. It’s completely different to meeting someone at home and going for dinner where there will probably be dates number 2, 3, 4 etc if you get on and potentially have sex.

You’re only there for a week or 2. And he’ll have another tour group arriving tomorrow and be asking one of those out for dinner too.

Go, have fun, have sex, enjoy yourself. But stop romanticising this. Turkish tour guides are charming, sexy, and have their patter down to a tee. Just see this for what it is.

I'm team dad and I know what I'm talking about.

Do not go for dinner, this guy's mates will know all about your 'date' the waiters in the restaurant you go to will shoot knowing looks at him (wink wink) and you will be wasting your precious energy and time in somebody else's game.

Leave it well alone.

Enjoy your time with your parents and I'm sure good things e.g. a partner will come your way nearer to home before too long. You are bored now and crave some sizzling excitement but I promise you it will be nothing but. a waste of your time.

It would be completely different if you met a nice and handsome turk in the office as a work mate.

This man and his mates will almost certainly have zero respect for you.

Yes I would.

IME no man asks out a woman unless his ultimate goal is getting his leg over. If he can manage that on the first date then jackpot.

I personally wouldn't risk being alone with a man I didn't know in a foreign country. Maybe I'm too risk averse but if I was meeting someone I didn't know I'd want to know that I can easily access help if needed and be very familiar with the area if I need a quick get away.

Say you don't have a British passport
Then see how interested he is