Currently in Turkey, met a guy…

[theoneortwo]

And I know they say ‘people come along when you least expect it’ but I never ever thought this would happen to me.

im 29, British, recently I came out of a long term relationship and I am currently on holiday with my family.

I’ve met a lovely Turkish man whilst here. Completely unexpectedly, he was working on one of the tours we went on 4 days ago.

I know it sounds silly and cliche, but as soon as I saw him it’s like I just knew I needed to get to know him. We didn’t speak much on the trip itself since he was obviously busy working - but after when he was showing us the photos he’d taken, we swapped numbers and have been chatting ever since.

He has asked to take me for dinner tomorrow evening (locally in the resort town we are staying in) my mum is saying go for it, but my dad seems to have reservations and is telling me not to be so stupid and naive..

This man hasn’t shown me any red flags or given me reason to distrust him.

Im kind of in the mindset that I’m here on holiday, it’s probably not going to progress.. so let’s see what happens?

has anybody else ever been in this situation, meeting a guy abroad / getting to know somebody from a different country?

I know there are huge complex loopholes and issues IF we did get to know each other more and develop a relationship - due to distance etc.

would love to know thoughts please, as I’m really in two minds.

Thank you ☺️

If they love each other and want to be together, she could move to Morocco?

Seriously, just shag him (safely) and delete his number before you get on the plane. It'll be a happy memory for life.

True! Although I believe she wanted to stay in the UK due to some of her close family members being elderly and poorly. I do remember her saying her partner is not / was not ever keen on coming to the UK, so I don’t know what their situation / agreement is but they are now going through the spouse visa process.

Don’t you think you’re jumping the gun? Hes asked you on a first date, not asked to move to the UK or for your hand in marriage!

Go on the date, have fun, do whatever you fancy, but obviously realise the odds are this will be a short term fling. Holiday flings are great!

I say go for dinner with him but with your eyes wide open!
be cautious of red flags and don’t fall for any sob stories etc…
if you are genuinely curious then go and see what happens, you have nothing to loose but he potentially has a lot to gain from you so keep your guard up at all times.

Kindly op, you are just one of many female tourists he will have met and invited to dinner. What do you think he was doing before you came along? Do you seriously think you’re the only woman that he has done this to?

And what about all the millions of couples where the tourist got scammed or used for a British passport?

If you’re ’not at all into him’ then why are you even writing this thread whilst being ‘curious’ and then running to his defence every time posters try to warn you? As a pp has said, it’s too early for him to be displaying red flags, hence why you can’t see them! The one very big red flag however is that he’s interested in tourists! He won’t show any red flags just yet and may not do for many months or even years. You sound rather naive.

Tour guide... yeah I met lots when I was travelling in my early 20s, the only ones who didn't have something with someone on the tours was the 2 female guides and one that was in his late 40s and old enough to be our dad! Don't be silly, he literally does this every week, probably twice a week! "Omg you're so special and beautiful to me..." 🤣 come on now.

Have you met any men before??

My friend is married to someone she met on holiday in Turkey like this 25 years ago. He wasn't interested in a passport - they live in Turkey - but the culture difference is way bigger than you could possibly imagine. They have lots of friends also in cross-cultural marriages (very few want passports btw - that's just what you hear in the Daily Mail) and all are 'difficult' marriages.

Don't go for dinner.

I would go for dinner with him, why not? It's unlikely to lead to anything long term but there's nothing wrong with having some fun on holiday!

I had a holiday romance when I was 17 on holiday in Spain. We wrote to each other for months and he came to visit me in England. Unfortunately, once he came here, I realised I didn't really fancy him anymore and had to put on a brave face for the rest of the visit - awkward! Once he left, I let it fizzle out after a few more letters. But I had a great time with him on holiday and have fond memories!

The naïveté is off the scale.

I married a foreigner and married a Brit but as a Canadian it was hardly for a visa.

It was hard, long, expensive and culturally shocking as I was from an English speaking commonwealth country.

You are letting things run away with you. Itf it’s for a bit of fun then absolutely fine. Anything else he is using you. Seriously. He will do everything right for a long time and when you have fallen hook line and sinker and he has reeled you in that is when his true colours will show. You need to understand that day one.

Why go to dinner to come to nothing? Enjoy the holiday with your family.

You've surely searched Kurds on your phone by now.

But if he asked your Dad's permission, and your Dad said no, isn't that the end of that? 🤔

This in buckets

my young niece has heard and seen it all through her job. There’s definitely a type of Turkish man who does it - young, good looking, clean, wears flashy but nice clothes. but usually works as a porter/guide/barman…

notice how the Turkish doctors/engineers/ never hang around trying to snaffle a British lady? 🤔

Bingo

I was with my ex husband for 6.5 years. We got divorced 2 years ago.

Well since you ask....feel I'm about to be lynched here but met my Turkish husband on holiday 30 years ago. Once I was back in the UK, we had to write letters and speak briefly on a landline phone a couple of times a week in between visits- there was no social media or even texting at that point to keep in touch. He had a great life in Turkey, his own business and zero reason to want a UK visa. My parents were horrified and quite honestly no one had a positive thing to say about my Shirley Valentine romance. They thought I was insane.

He's sat here next to me now in the UK stuffing his face with sunflower seeds (IYKYK) and drinking tea. He's a brill husband (26 years married), father and son in law. Yes there have been tough times (as in any marriage) but in my case taking a massive risk paid off. I'm well aware that there are plenty of rogues out there, and totally agree that if he asks you for money /phone/trainers or tries to control you in any way i'd run for the hills. Trust your gut, make sure you keep your wits about you and enjoy the time you are spending together now. Just stay safe and try not to get carried away X

This.

I think you are the best friend I’ve never met! Love your response - so joie de vivre 🥰

Enjoy dinner!

Its fine if its a fling.

If you wanted it to be more its harder now we arent in the EU. I think you have to earn over a threshold (about £30k i think) to sponsor him if you wanted him to come here permanently. There would be a time youd have to support you both.

You could do it. But it will be hard.

And tbh its weird youve jumped to what if its serious based on fanny flutters and an invite to dinner. Be careful

For goodness sake, you are an adult woman and you really are that gullible?

Just Google Turkish Love Rats or search on Facebook!

Yup. Reveals thoughts on women tbh

I had a fling with a Syrian waiter in Turkey many, many years back. I didn’t give him any of my details (to his annoyance) when I left but I had an unusual surname and was in the phone book. Many months later I had a phone call from him saying he was in the country (staying with another former tourist) and could he come and visit me. Err, that would be a no.

How many parents do you think he’s asked whether he can shag their daughter? Whoops, I mean take to dinner… GROSS.

The stories like these than end in a happy ever after are sooo rare, op. I know of one woman who did what you did. She had a good job in a creative job in London, went on holiday, met a Greek man and stayed there/married him/had kids etc etc. he spent 20 years chasing women in the exact same way he’d pursued her. In the end she divorced him but had nothing in the UK to return to. And no, he wasn’t overt in his pursuit - he very much made her (and every other woman he tried it with) feel like ‘he’d never felt like this about anyone else’ and she went with it. He was very charming, and tourism is rife for this kind of behaviour. It’s flattering, yes. But it’s very very unlikely to be true love.