Currently in Turkey, met a guy…

[theoneortwo]

And I know they say ‘people come along when you least expect it’ but I never ever thought this would happen to me.

im 29, British, recently I came out of a long term relationship and I am currently on holiday with my family.

I’ve met a lovely Turkish man whilst here. Completely unexpectedly, he was working on one of the tours we went on 4 days ago.

I know it sounds silly and cliche, but as soon as I saw him it’s like I just knew I needed to get to know him. We didn’t speak much on the trip itself since he was obviously busy working - but after when he was showing us the photos he’d taken, we swapped numbers and have been chatting ever since.

He has asked to take me for dinner tomorrow evening (locally in the resort town we are staying in) my mum is saying go for it, but my dad seems to have reservations and is telling me not to be so stupid and naive..

This man hasn’t shown me any red flags or given me reason to distrust him.

Im kind of in the mindset that I’m here on holiday, it’s probably not going to progress.. so let’s see what happens?

has anybody else ever been in this situation, meeting a guy abroad / getting to know somebody from a different country?

I know there are huge complex loopholes and issues IF we did get to know each other more and develop a relationship - due to distance etc.

would love to know thoughts please, as I’m really in two minds.

Thank you ☺️

A fellow Brit isn’t likely to be using tourists to get a British passport or to scam them. Yes there are some shit fellow brits if you want to drag ‘nationality’ into it but to say that going to dinner with a fellow Brit is somehow the same when is not even close to the situation you have posted about.
It’s not the nationality per se as people of all nationalities go out to dinner and date etc, but it’s how naive and gullible you seem to be coming across and that you somehow seem to automatically think this guy has genuine intentions. He may well do! But it’s likely you’re just another tourist in a string of many tourists he’s been in contact with and he’s trying his luck either for sex or something else.
Like I said, you won’t be the only tourist he has or has taken an interest in. Wise up!

Similar happened to a friend with a bloke from Ghana. So awful.

Completely agree. He’s probably a very good actor. He may like you enormously but it’s possible he sees future handouts from you, and keeping you emotionally tied to him from overseas. He’ll be doing his own thing, no emotional tie to you. Perhaps has a family already.

Woman go missing in foreign countries.

I’d take your parents with you!

He even asked my mum and dad for their permission to take me - which is when my dad said no and mum said yes..

Sorry but what century are you living in?

🤣 I’ve said in a different comment above, as much as I love my parents I’m an adult and will make my own decisions.

Is he a waiter or does he work for a FTSE 100?

My step sister met a Turkish waiter. My step dad was not pleased! However he was genuine. They had a long distance relationship for a bit. He came to England. They married (in Turkey) and had children. They were married for over ten years (divorced now). It was genuine love. He wasn’t stringing her along for sex or a visa. It can happen. I’m not saying this guy is one thing or the other, just that it isn’t necessarily bad news!

I do get your concern but what about the millions of couples that met in similar circumstances and made it work?

There really are not millions. Dozens maybe.

omg you are over thinking it so much he’s only asked for one dinner

This: recently I came out of a long term relationship and I am currently on holiday
Some men are purposefully looking for, and skilled at detecting, women who have been destabilised and may be slightly vulnerable.

Bloody hell op.

How are you nearly 30, been married before and are THIS naiive?!

Of course he's wanting a shag.
Of course he would like to eventually get a visa to the UK.

It's not the same as bumping into a french or Spanish guy for example. They call what he is doing a business. It's a commonly known thing!

I know two people who have married Kurds. One my parents age, one my age. Neither ended well. For the wife that is. Or their kids. 🙄 For the Kurdish husband things probably ended up pretty rosy.

In terms of the kids of these couples. One of the couples I know had a girl. The husband said on them splitting that if they'd had a boy he'd have taken him back "home" with him for family (in other words his mum and/or sisters) to bring up but as it was "just a girl" mum could keep her. Other couple had a boy. Mum worries every time dad takes him home to visit family in Turkey that he won't end up bringing him back to the UK.

Listen to your dad.

Walk away.

Perhaps dip your toe in the dating pool back home after your holiday if you want the excitement of meeting someone attractive and dating them.

Yeah… team Dad

Well Put. 🏆Do you work in this field? I ask cos my niece does and she sounds like you! You’re both Much more educated then me of course!

Fair enough, maybe I should have asked what century HE'S living in!

Brilliant- do this!

Someone recommended "Love rats of marmaris". There are also FB groups for English women married to Kurdish men that may also be worth a read.

You’ve asked for opinions, but it feels like you’re dismissing each one. If that’s the case, I’m not sure what you’re hoping to get from the thread. There are lots of kind and helpful suggestions here, so it might be worth taking them on board.

He asked your parents permission? Ick.

I can’t believe your parents actually answered with a yes and a no. If a man asked me and my partner for permission to take our daughter out, he’d be told it’s 2025, it’s her choice, but fuck off from us. I’d then advise my daughter to stay the fuck away from men like that.

You sound naive, vulnerable, desperate or all of those things to even be considering this.

Yes. He's worked his backside off, did his ACCA (accountancy) qualification years ago and is now in a senior management position.

Love. You only need to read "Take a Breàk" magazine" ...unless it's no longer published..

Dating is terrible even if you do it because you are hopeful to meet a partner. Not really fun, to me at least. I wouldn’t go if I have zero hopes for this to turn into anything.
And you shouldn’t- have any hopes, that is.

Anyone I know who met someone serious abroad met them at a shared activity or interest, like a museum or convention.

You met him while he was working as a tour guide and didn't even talk to him properly, so there is no indication that you will have anything in common.

I've lived in Turkey and they have a very different standard of dating (and marriage) than Western Europe. Cheating is much more common. And men are much more misogynistic. This is shown in him asking your parents for permission to take you to dinner, which he will absolutely think is more than dinner if you agree to go.

If you did just want to hook up I would say go for it, but as that is not what you want I would avoid.

you can’t be too sure , he could be up to no good or just a nice guy.. Years ago I went to Turkey with a friend on holiday. Two young single girls and we met two young Turkish guys, who were best mates. Genuinely nice guys and didn’t try it on with us at all, we just hanged out and had a good time on holiday. Now we still have them on Facebook 😅

I know! The kids & teens in my family know about Kurds, where they’re from and how they have a unique identity.

My primary school children & teen nephews and nieces are more savvy then 29 old OP.

Sounds like OP been living in a bubble 🙄