Currently in Turkey, met a guy…

[theoneortwo]

And I know they say ‘people come along when you least expect it’ but I never ever thought this would happen to me.

im 29, British, recently I came out of a long term relationship and I am currently on holiday with my family.

I’ve met a lovely Turkish man whilst here. Completely unexpectedly, he was working on one of the tours we went on 4 days ago.

I know it sounds silly and cliche, but as soon as I saw him it’s like I just knew I needed to get to know him. We didn’t speak much on the trip itself since he was obviously busy working - but after when he was showing us the photos he’d taken, we swapped numbers and have been chatting ever since.

He has asked to take me for dinner tomorrow evening (locally in the resort town we are staying in) my mum is saying go for it, but my dad seems to have reservations and is telling me not to be so stupid and naive..

This man hasn’t shown me any red flags or given me reason to distrust him.

Im kind of in the mindset that I’m here on holiday, it’s probably not going to progress.. so let’s see what happens?

has anybody else ever been in this situation, meeting a guy abroad / getting to know somebody from a different country?

I know there are huge complex loopholes and issues IF we did get to know each other more and develop a relationship - due to distance etc.

would love to know thoughts please, as I’m really in two minds.

Thank you ☺️

Christ a lot of people on this thread could do with a good shag.

Go OP. Nothing wrong with someone taking you dinner. Some people's expectations and views on men are so screwed. I hope all these people berating the guy dont have sons. Not every guy is looking for a visa / money / a shag / is married. Sometimes some people just like to shoot their shot.

Go for it OP, just keep your wits about you!

just go with an mind, enjoy yourself and don't rush into anything.

I've had such a passionate relationship with someone abroad, it didn't work out but no regrets.
I know a small minority of people who meet abroad and it works out, so it does happen.

Sorry I forgot to mention, he and his family are Kurdish, not Turkish by heritage but they live there.

I am only adding this to tell the full picture (I don’t know anything about Kurdish / Turkish people so I wouldn’t be aware of any differences in that respect!)

Just how daft are you?

Multiple people are telling you no and telling you why but you’re already halfway up the aisle before the first date??

He asked the permission of your parents? What?? Come on OP.

Then what's the problem ? You've found your new soulmate ✨

But on a realistic level - use condoms (pills ect. not enough as doesn't protect from STDs) don't stray into any dangerous areas or places you can't safely get back from & prepare to never see each other again if it goes tits up.

I have had a holiday fling or two. But I knew that's what they were.

You're asking questions about it going further and that's concerning. Very concerning.

He will be over 90% of the population are.

You do realise you won’t even be the first he’s asked out this week. They can be very charming.

when you say, “I didn’t think this could happen to me” it sounds like you already have a huge dream of this being the love of your life. In reality it’s a Turkish tour guide who will be schmoozing the ladies day in, day out.

please don’t be so naive.

My mate was you. She kept going back out to spend time with him, was never off the phone with him. She married him a year after the holiday romance and brought him to the UK where he promptly refused to work. He expected to claim benefits, be a kept man who could go out wherever and whenever he wanted, drink heavily and finally he would go on to beat her.

She is a teacher. Educated intelligent woman. Took her years to divorce him and he fleeced her of every penny he could in the meantime, even locking her out her own home at one point.

She lost most of her friends because she refused to listen to anyone who was worried for her. None of us were invited to the "intimate" wedding. And she hid all the problems for a long time.

Don't do it. Have a laugh and a shag if that's what you want, but leave him there and block him on your phone when you go home, because the love bombing will continue.

Just go for dinner, have a drink, have a snog, and wave hom goodbye when you go home. Nothing wrong with a little holiday romance, but don't fall into the trap of thinking it's the great love of your life.

🚩🚩🚩🚩
Listen to your dad! I have a niece who’s 11 years younger then you who’s wise to what men in turkey and ME can be like (through her job) . they’re young, good looking , clean, wear nice clothes, flatter you & spend money on you. but it’s all a … . Many literally see us white British lady’s as a passport to Uk

why at nearly 30 are you not aware of what my 18 yr old niece knows? If you was a youngster i
would feel sorry for you. do some research!

Turkish men have been targeting British women for decades. I remember going abroad with the girls when I was 18 and a lot of the Turkish men were disgusting. Older men saying they had a nice Turkish boy for us to f*ck, being followed down the road and harassed by a group of men if we politely declined their advances, being groped, drink spiking in clubs was rife.

By all means enjoy your holiday romance but don't be duped into thinking you're the first or the love of his life.

I just want to clear up some of the confusion and comments here.

I am not in any way looking for any kind of relationship or skipping ahead of myself - I am merely asking the questions I am interested in knowing the answer to.

My cousin met her now DH on holiday in Greece, but he was a UK national. He was from a different part of the UK and she moved to his home town.

Yes it can end well, but more often than not it doesnt.

I would listen to your father.

Look at it this way, if he is a such a catch, how is he single? I have friends who do or have worked in the travel industry in various ways. They all say the same, that anyone in a tourist based job (rep, guide, bar tender etc) will be on the cop as its like shooting fish in a barrel. You will, as a pp said, probably be one of many and next week it will be another one, who just got off the plane you leave on.

Yes I am cynical, but at my age I have seen far more of the darker side of life to be anything but!

ETA....forgot to say "how is he single? Do you even know if he IS single?"

You’ll end up as a story in Take a break

There is a strong possibility he sleeps with many, many women... if you are okay with that and do want a holiday fling then crack on.
The possibility of this man being the most wonderful, future partner is so low it's probably close to impossible.

I had a friend who basically had the same story as you.
she had dinner with him, then kept flying out to see him, they got married quickly, it had fallen apart before she had even landed back home. No exaggeration.

It’s not got legs, just don’t even bother wasting time on the dinner.

I'll give you two stories of friends.

1 . Divorced friend met and fell for a lovely Turkish man. He was charming, good looking. She flew out a few times all was wonderful.

He then flew in to stay at her home. Things went horribly wrong. He was bossy, critical of her clothing, make up, sluttish apparently. He strutted around like he owned the place. Expecting to be waited on. She had to tell him to catch a flight home.

1. Friend met a handsome tour guide boat tours. He wooed her, she kept flying out fell deeply in love. He said he was single. He then persuaded her to buy an apartment for her visits which she did, he said it was a good investment. She decided to surprise him. Arrived at her apartment to find Turkish wife and children in situ. That ended badly.

1. Friends got married and honeymooned in Turkey both mid fifties. Became friendly with a hotel receptionist who made sure they had a wonderful time. She was invited to stay with them if she ever wanted to.

A short time later she turned up on their doorstep, had run away from an abusive ex. They invited her to stay and would arrange a visa. She was 25. A couple of months later the marriage was over, the young woman got the house and the husband.

Is that enough for you @theoneortwo

I wouldn't jump to the conclusions some have that he's after money and visas. But I would assume he's probably does a good job and charming the pants off tourists.... Go along with it if you like. But don't end up getting sweet-talked into something bigger.

Oh. That old chestnut.

Sounds like friend

She actually ended friendships when people warned her about him

The marriage didn’t last the reception

Everyone is completely overthinking it.

You're on holiday. He's an attractive guy. He invited you to dinner. It's just food and conversation, could become more if you both fancy it. As long as you stay safe, what's there to think about? What would you do otherwise, watch tv in your hotel room? It's exactly the same as if you met someone in the UK.

I've been to dinners/ lunches/ drinks in many countries with so many guys I can't even count. Granted, a lot of it was for work, but also a lot of it for leisure, and never once regretted saying yes to good food and good company.

Just no need to think this will become a LTR, weddings, visas, whatever. Would you think about it this deeply if a nice guy in the UK would ask you for dinner, and start planning a wedding before first date?

You're 29, just go, have fun, live your life. You'll only think about the chances you didn't take.

Sending love from Buenos Aires, and yes, dinner with a gorgeous guy is on tonight's agenda.

Hell no

He will have a new one every week.