Currently in Turkey, met a guy…

[theoneortwo]

And I know they say ‘people come along when you least expect it’ but I never ever thought this would happen to me.

im 29, British, recently I came out of a long term relationship and I am currently on holiday with my family.

I’ve met a lovely Turkish man whilst here. Completely unexpectedly, he was working on one of the tours we went on 4 days ago.

I know it sounds silly and cliche, but as soon as I saw him it’s like I just knew I needed to get to know him. We didn’t speak much on the trip itself since he was obviously busy working - but after when he was showing us the photos he’d taken, we swapped numbers and have been chatting ever since.

He has asked to take me for dinner tomorrow evening (locally in the resort town we are staying in) my mum is saying go for it, but my dad seems to have reservations and is telling me not to be so stupid and naive..

This man hasn’t shown me any red flags or given me reason to distrust him.

Im kind of in the mindset that I’m here on holiday, it’s probably not going to progress.. so let’s see what happens?

has anybody else ever been in this situation, meeting a guy abroad / getting to know somebody from a different country?

I know there are huge complex loopholes and issues IF we did get to know each other more and develop a relationship - due to distance etc.

would love to know thoughts please, as I’m really in two minds.

Thank you ☺️

theoneortwo · Today 08:13

Probably time to come clean here.. ‼️
Im currently sitting having breakfast with this very man -my husband - the love of my life who I did in fact meet in these exact circumstances.
Daughter number 1 is asleep upstairs and baby 2 cooking away nicely!🤰
After meeting 3 years ago (I was 29) we made it work. We went for the dinner my dad said no to, had the most gorgeous week together and I flew back out 2 weeks after to spend another fortnight. We did long distance for a year.
For us, it was love at first sight and he has made me the happiest woman in the world. He works hard, got a degree and is now working in an accountancy firm. He provides for us, and I couldn’t wish for more.
He purchased our villa in Turkey and we live 1/2 the year in the sunshine and the other half in the UK.
We were talking through our early days last night and wanted to get the general consensus as to the thoughts of other people - and clearly the majority are just as we thought - categorising people that aren’t British into stereotypes and words of racism left right and center.
PS. My dad literally adores him - he’s like the son my dad never had. 👏🏼
So. Yes, we made this work despite the judgement we got from almost all of the people in our lives.
And it saddens me to see that those judgements and stereotypes are still floating around today.
I guess this was just a little post to see if people really did view us and our situation the way we suspected they did.
I was called naive, stupid, a sl** even - all for falling in love with a man that calls a diferent country home.
He was accused of wanting a passport, my money..
A word of advice from me - go for the dinner, get to know them. You never know. It could be the most incredible journey you ever take

have you written to Take a Break, they pay

Even with your update, this is not about racism. It's people being pragmatic about how a woman who is planning her marriage before she's been on a date is highly vulnerable.

Most dating doesn't turn into a relationship, even without a huge distance. He had various red flags about him - he used his job as a way to pick up women. He asked your parents for permission in a way that was performative only - because if he'd genuinely been asking for permission, he'd have respected your father's answer.

You got lucky. For now.

This is a red flag. Why would he ask an adult woman’s parents!!!!!!!! Awful and no for this alone. Don’t do it!!

Did he complete a UK 3 year degree?

Is he working for a Turkish accountancy firm or one in the UK?

Was it tell everyone about your beautiful romance or to catch out the racists?

Just to clarify.

Great thread OP - I didn’t see that plot twist coming.

I’ve got three friends who are/were in cross-cultural marriages and all of them met in similar holiday circumstances to you. Only one of the marriages worked out (20+ years) and the other two have now sadly ended in divorce. I think the 20+ year relationship has worked because they had a very wise priest in their lives who’d seen a lot of similar relationships. He advised them to take things slowly and to be really honest about their values and their expectations from a marriage. Obviously not everyone has wise people around them and the worst thing anyone can do is believe that ‘love conquers all’. It doesn’t.

Some of these holiday romance relationships do work out but acting cautiously is a good thing! I’m really glad you’ve got your happy ending though. He sounds lovely.

You're 29 and he asked your dad if he could take you out? That's a massive red flag right there

He works in a Turkish accountancy firm hybrid remote. His qualifications were obtained in Turkey.

I’m sure it’s already been said, but I used to work in immigration law and we had a term for this; we called them MMIDs.

My Mohammed Is Different.

To be clear, their Mohammed was rarely different.

Which visas are you both on that allow you to split your time?

No OP - just no

I have dual residency now due to being married. We are currently going through the stages of the UK settlement but at the moment he’s on a standard spouse visa here. So we can come and go.

OMG so much hand wringing over a holiday fling!

You obviously need to be safe - but why not have a dinner with him? You literally talking about potential marriage and kids when this guy only wants to take you out for something to eat. His intentions could be whatever - but most likely he just wants sex! He probably does it all the time.

You can have a bit of fun if you are up for it, or you could ignore him. I would not expect anything serious, and I'm afraid its unlikely it would develop into anything serious for a multitude of reasons.

Asking parents seems like a weird thing to us but he is Turkish, they are much more conservative.

I don't get it. If genuine, why post a thread just so the collective ignorance and xenophobia could bash your husband for 600 posts?

Many of the replies here make me physically sick.

I am in an international marriage of 18 years and am all too familiar with all the assumptions, judgments and vitriol on display here.

You can't come and go or split your time on a spouse visa. You know that right? He won't be allowed to renew.

There’s been a plot twist! No more Ruth Rendell for me…..

OP, Mumsnetters are sleuths. Your timing doesn’t make sense. Where did he find the 30 grand a year to attend uni in the UK? My friend had to take A levels before applying (from a different country). And visas are difficult to come by. And sorry where do you both work? As my firm wants me in 4 days a week and I only have 28 days annual leave. So I can’t split my year between London and a hot country. Simply put, you’re full of shit

How utterly naive your are, you sweet summer child.

One of those, eh?

It is genuine. We were reminiscing over dinner last night about the hurdles we had to jump through - accusations - many from our own friends and family.

And another time waster here - falsely presenting herself as being in a vulnerable and potentially difficult situation.

And then women who have frequently suffered at the hands of unscrupulous men - or seen this happen to loved ones - waste time and concern trying to help a stranger.

🤦‍♀️

Before posting, please read the gotcha update.

Yes. Smugness radiates.

You are quite pathetic.

Did you live apart when he was getting his degree in Turkey?