Currently in Turkey, met a guy…

[theoneortwo]

And I know they say ‘people come along when you least expect it’ but I never ever thought this would happen to me.

im 29, British, recently I came out of a long term relationship and I am currently on holiday with my family.

I’ve met a lovely Turkish man whilst here. Completely unexpectedly, he was working on one of the tours we went on 4 days ago.

I know it sounds silly and cliche, but as soon as I saw him it’s like I just knew I needed to get to know him. We didn’t speak much on the trip itself since he was obviously busy working - but after when he was showing us the photos he’d taken, we swapped numbers and have been chatting ever since.

He has asked to take me for dinner tomorrow evening (locally in the resort town we are staying in) my mum is saying go for it, but my dad seems to have reservations and is telling me not to be so stupid and naive..

This man hasn’t shown me any red flags or given me reason to distrust him.

Im kind of in the mindset that I’m here on holiday, it’s probably not going to progress.. so let’s see what happens?

has anybody else ever been in this situation, meeting a guy abroad / getting to know somebody from a different country?

I know there are huge complex loopholes and issues IF we did get to know each other more and develop a relationship - due to distance etc.

would love to know thoughts please, as I’m really in two minds.

Thank you ☺️

I had a fling with a Turkish guy when I was 18 and after I went home he remained very keen. He was too pushy and I'm not at all surprised to know that he now lives in the UK with his English wife. They seem happy enough.

It was common knowledge Turkish guys in the resorts wanted visas and had an endless stream of British women to shag in the meantime. So, personally, I just enjoyed the fling for what it was. If it progressed, how would you know if he really loved you or simply wanted the visa? Would be my concern.

If I were you i'd have a fling.

ORGAN HARVESTING?!??? 😂😂😂

I'm as cynical as they come, but the sudden escalation in this thread is bonkers. With the sole piece of information available being that a British woman has been invited to dinner by a (be strong everyone) non British man, this thread has escalated to visa/passport shopping, to trafficking, to sexual assault, to organ fucking harvesting.

Right!!

It's such a simple tale too. He wants a shag she wants a romance. She might get hurt but everyone's organs are going to remain intact.

What's so hilarious about being Kurdish?

He might be a total twat, he might want her money, he might be wanting just a little fling and nothing more, he might be the nicest man ever, there's no way of knowing based on just the fact he asked her out to dinner and that he's (apparently very hilariously, according to another poster) Kurdish. Literally that's the only info available. I don't use the word often but this thread has been disgusting.

@AlpacaMittens yes fair enough I was being over simplistic. My assumption was based on the limited info we have (he's flirting with a holiday maker and he's a young man - most likely interested in a shag. She's asking about visas - wants something more). Of course anything else could be true but the racism is crazy. I said above, I can't see how it's any different to a British twenty something yr old asking out eg an American woman who's on holiday!

But I actually haven’t said that everyone is talking about this, have I? My comment is obviously aimed at the many who have (many directly, but read the thread, all those “you’re so naive!” comments are rooted in racism and bigotry - whether anyone admits it or not).

But regardless, I AM outraged by racism and think it’s totally appropriate to call out racism when I see it. You won’t shame me in to thinking otherwise.

Been in a similar situation, but got away fast. If I was you, I would run the hell away from him. He’s seems totally sleazy and already treating you like a possession, by asking your parents for their approval in marrying you, and yet he hardly knows you?? Please wise up. He’s looking for a passport and a meal ticket. Run girl, run away from him and don’t look back!

Nobody said anything about marriage I don't think?!?

My DD has been seeing a Turkish guy for 3 years now. He was already over here. He’s lovely. And he’s a Muslim Kurd too, though secular. I would try and get a sense of what he believes in by treating him as an individual and listening to what he says when conversing with him (as with any man these days). You’ll soon see if he’s just saying what you want to hear or if he really does believe in what he’s saying. For example DD’s boyfriend will allude to journalists he follows on social media to illustrate his points.

Many Turkish people are European in outlook and there is a bit of a struggle between the secular and religious over there. Many secular people do want to leave because of that. DD’s boyfriend feels it keenly.

But even then, just because a man claims to be Western, it doesn’t mean anything anymore - both secular and religious men can be quite misogynistic. Whether British or Turkish, I would be taking things slow and watching him a lot. Don’t be afraid to test things by being firm with your preferences. My DD has the firm personality whereas her boyfriend is actually a bit of a people pleaser. In his family his mother and older sisters have strong personalities.

This IS a red flag! Jesus Christ.

Steady on, girl. You can’t say right now that you’ve met the love of your life, even though it happened with some friends of yours. It hasn’t happened to you. Be reasonable; you’ve only just met him.
Seriously; if you are busy constructing an entire romance out of thin air and a pleasant manner, as you risk doing, you are going to be operating on only half the necessary brain power as you spend more time with him. That way suckers are created.

No matter how many examples of happy coupledom you know of which sprang from a holiday romance, there must be a hundreds more women out there now ruing the day they drifted oblivious and precipitate into such a marriage. Talk about repenting at leisure!
There’s a ton of scrupulous sussing out to be done, so tread carefully and keep your antennae on Maximum Alert.
Enjoy yourself, but it’s better to err on the side of skepticism than be fooled into a bit of a scam.

(I must sound xenophobic. What I am is mistrustful of men in certain circs, whether in Istanbul or deepest Devon)

I think as long as you understand you will be this week's dinner guest, he will probably have a different one from each tour, in the hope if getting shag, he might have to splash out on a few meals, but I expect he will get one or two during the summer tourist season.

Hahahaha

It is quite clear you lack education 😂 unfortunately it means you don't understand that "common sense" and a gaggle of kids means fuck all in terms of being the voice of reason, especially when you clearly take pleasure in bullying someone probably half your age online. Grow up!

No harm in just dinner ( be safe ).
But come on , you’ve got ‘huge complex loopholes’ on your mind about long distance relationships.
Get a grip.

It’s one dinner, no harm in going if your are realistic about it being just a dinner and bit of fun.

the concerning thing is that you jumped straight from the idea of what dinner to questions are could it be a relationship/ long term thinking. If this is what you wanting then it’s better not to go.

Forget it. I expect he does this often and you don’t want to get involved in a long distance romance with someone in a different country. This is a complete non-starter.

Is his name Costas OP?

id listen to your dad, or, if you go, be very wary. It’s not rascism, it’s being aware that you know nothing about him, or his friends, family standing in the community etc.
I agree with the pp that said asking your parents is a red flag. It sounds like a deliberate charm offensive.
obviuosly let parents know where you are, and when you’ll be getting home. Ideally don’t get in a car.ideally don’t go somewhere remote.
i say all this as I had a friendly coffee with a chap - broad daylight, lots of people. I woke up briefly to find him doing things to me and woke up properly 1 or 2 days later in a skanky room miles from anywhere. I’m not saying this will happen , he is obviously known to the tour guide company and the hotel, but it does sound like he’s after the challenge of winning you over. He has all the local knowledge, is on his home turf etc, you know nothing about anything to do with him, you don’t speak the language.
i think be sensible, have a fling but know it’s just that. Oh and he will definitely try and charm his way into your pants.

actually, don’t have a fling with him. You’ll be one of many, and that might not be a good feeling for you.
Also, you say you just knew you had to get to know him more.. this is because I imagine he was flirting with you. Flirting can be very subtle - a lowering of eyes then a tiny extra glance, a tiny crinkling of the eyes, a miniscule hint of an intensive look. Obviously it’s designed to make you feel you’re attractive to him. I know a chap who prides himself on doing this.
also well done for doing extra research by posting on here - but that doubt? That’s because something in you has picked up on something off even if you don’t consciously know what!
Whatever you decide, be happy and do keep us posted!

I live in Turkey and have seen all of the horror stories over and over again. To put it bluntly they are (in 95% of cases) looking for a quick shag or taking you to dinner to find out how much money you have. You can’t blame them - what red blooded male wouldn’t want to shag pretty foreign tourists they will never see again. I have several English friends married to Turks and Kurds and every single one of them has put up the money to open a bar or restaurant with their husbands. One couple are just getting divorced and she is losing everything.
Another night I was in a bar and an English girl came in looking for help. She had moved in with her boyfriend and his family. They treated her like a slave and took her passport. The boyfriend then came to the bar, snatched her phone and was screaming at her. I intervened but the bar owner said to leave it because that is how Turkish men are allowed to treat their women.
So my advice would be to- go to dinner, let him pay, enjoy your evening, even have a cheeky snog. But DO NOT tell him how much you earn, whether you own a house etc. And enjoy the rest of your holiday.

So out of all the holiday makers this tour guide has led, you are the only woman he has asked out lol. Listen to your Dad on this. Tour guides have easy pickings with women on holiday with lowered inhibitions. The "asking your parents permission" alone, being performative manipulation is a red flag in itself.

I’ve warned my friends off British men traveling abroad—generally not serious, will go back home and you’ll never hear from them again, etc plus they’ll probably ditch you before the holiday is even over … I mean some people know what’s up and just have fun anyway but there are lots of hopelessly naive people out there

What are his hair and teeth like? 🤔