Currently in Turkey, met a guy…

[theoneortwo]

And I know they say ‘people come along when you least expect it’ but I never ever thought this would happen to me.

im 29, British, recently I came out of a long term relationship and I am currently on holiday with my family.

I’ve met a lovely Turkish man whilst here. Completely unexpectedly, he was working on one of the tours we went on 4 days ago.

I know it sounds silly and cliche, but as soon as I saw him it’s like I just knew I needed to get to know him. We didn’t speak much on the trip itself since he was obviously busy working - but after when he was showing us the photos he’d taken, we swapped numbers and have been chatting ever since.

He has asked to take me for dinner tomorrow evening (locally in the resort town we are staying in) my mum is saying go for it, but my dad seems to have reservations and is telling me not to be so stupid and naive..

This man hasn’t shown me any red flags or given me reason to distrust him.

Im kind of in the mindset that I’m here on holiday, it’s probably not going to progress.. so let’s see what happens?

has anybody else ever been in this situation, meeting a guy abroad / getting to know somebody from a different country?

I know there are huge complex loopholes and issues IF we did get to know each other more and develop a relationship - due to distance etc.

would love to know thoughts please, as I’m really in two minds.

Thank you ☺️

But if it was deemed respectful in his culture then he would accept that your father said no. Otherwise it just looks like he's putting on a bit of a show, right? Ingratiating himself without actually caring what the answer is

Asking someone else for permission to marry you is simply asking for a transfer in ownership. It's not respectful, it is just patriarchal 🤷‍♀️

If you want to have dinner, then absolutely go have dinner. Nothing at all wrong with that. But do it with your eyes open 😆
Make sure you are safe, as you would with any first 'date', but go forth knowing that this is a guy who has a lot of 'dinners' with women on holiday. I know you said you're not jumping ahead or anything but you might want to re read your first post.

You sound oddly starry-eyed. Are you sure you're 29 and not 19??

To answer your questions:

1. Yes, I've enjoyed many foreign romances, thank you.
2. I do have English friends in amazingly happy, fulfilled relationships with non-EU men they met on holiday (and went through the visa ordeal).
3. I have other English friends who attempted this and ended up being cheated and/or abused, including one who had to perform a terrifying secret escape from Egypt.
4. I know men with mail-order brides. Despite this seeming different at first glance, it's another example of the imbalance of power inherent in cross-border relationships.

Affairs with holidaymakers are a widely accepted perk of being a tour guide. It may well be love at first sight, but it's love with a two-week expiration date.

Why the indignant protest that you aren't going to shag him? What's the point, if not?

Does he have a big willy?

A person from a foreign country would be absolutely nutty to be gagging for a British passport. We are going to shit and our leaders are a succession of morons. (Which is precisely why Farage is looking like the next PM).

That said, people are arriving by the hundred here every day illegally, with thousands more taking legal routes to getting British passports. I don’t know why, there are much, much better countries to migrate to. But the fact is that people are still doing it. Why, who knows, but they are. And with that in mind, OP should be wary.

Anyway I don’t think OP should go out with this man. Tour guides are obviously very personable by nature - it’s necessary for the job. So I wouldn’t be swayed by that. He asked her parents and she’s nearly 30. She might look 20 though, who knows. I think it’s perfectly fine for her to holiday with her parents, but it could have made her appear significantly younger than she is.

In any case the potential downsides are all described on this thread so I just wouldn’t go there at all.

I completely understand why you’re feeling torn. Meeting someone new is exciting, but it’s also totally natural to feel a bit nervous, especially with your dad expressing concern.

If you do decide to go, just take a few precautions since you’re not on home turf: meet in a public place, maybe suggest lunch or coffee instead of dinner, and arrange to meet your parents afterwards.

Ignore the racists OP - nobody’s behaviour and personality is defined by their nationality or ethnicity.

Go out and enjoy yourself!

Quite a few of us haven’t even mentioned his nationality. Quite a few of us think it has more to do with the fact that a clearly naive 29 yr old is talking about having met someone and is asking for examples where similar relationships have worked out, when all that has happened is that some creep who works in a holiday resort with a constant stream of women coming through it, has asked her out for dinner.

Perhaps if you weren’t so busy being outraged by the posts that do mention his nationality, you’d see that you’ve maybe given her some pretty shoddy advice considering she isn’t interested in casual sex with him.

I would worry that he asked your parents purely so you thought he was being a ‘gentleman’ and therefore isn’t genuine, if he is willing to go even when your dad said no he didn’t really care for his answer.
He probably has many tourist’s numbers saved to offer dinner with them.
If it was me, I’d also worry if I went that my dad would spend his evening worrying about me (and I’m way older than you!!) and spoil his holiday.
But you are 29 and can make
up You’re own mind, just please be safe, and I’d say that no matter what country you’re in and going out with any man from any background!

How old is he? If he’s over 27 he’s most likely already got kids with his Turkish girlfriend/wife:

I dont even have to read your post, please don't get sucked in!!

He will be very charming, you will be drawn in, just like all the others before you and he likely has a wife and children that he will travel back to when the season is over.

Stay safe.

Many many years ago, a friend of mine had a Turkish boyfriend, very handsome, very polite. We were around 18 and he was around 21,22. All went well til he asked her to get engaged (then they could have sex🙄) She was going to say yes, til the night he said she must be a virgin on her wedding night, so he expected anal sex instead… she was horrified and she ended up physically fighting him off whilst locked in the back of his car! He got very nasty, she was badly bruised. They do have very different ideas in that part of the world, OP. Please be careful 🌺

Lol 😄 Love this!

I know someone who was in your situation and sadly he was just after money

This

Her dad likely doesn't want to be worrying about her having a one night stand with a random bloke on a family holiday though..

And the fact she's talking about romance and long term is going to add to that concern. OP if you're expecting something long term then don't sleep with him, 99.999% you'll end up upset and feeling used. If he's working with tourists and has charmed you then there will logically be a long list of others he's charmed too.

I'm team Dad. Sorry, @theoneortwo
I have experience with men in that part of the world. Tourists, women, are marks for sex. We're seen as sexually liberal. It can be a dangerous situation to get yourself into. Beware.

I know someone who had a romance with a Turkish man, they had a long distance relationship for about 3 years and she eventually went to Turkey and married him. It's been about 20 years now and they are very happy.
I think they met in a bar when she was on holiday - he was the owner. She was in her late 20s when they met.

He asked your parents. Your dad said no. He's still willing to go ahead. So why ask permission?

Well done to the people managing to caution pragmatism and a need to be grounded without being outright racist fucks

The racism on this thread is appalling

Just go and have dinner and have some fun you’re on holiday. You don’t need to think and plan long term . Just have your guard up and if he starts talking about marriage etc straight away run a mile!.. just have fun and that’s it xx

As a parent of a similar age daughter, I'd feel a little weird about her coming on holiday with her parents, then disappearing for a one-night stand. And I can't imagine her feeling too comfortable about it either. What she does on her independent, non-family holidays is entirely her business.

Putting aside the very obvious immigration motivation, I’d be concerned about potential sexual assault and or organ harvesting.

The risks range from using you for a passport/chance out of Turkey to much much more sinister outcomes.

These men spot women like you a mile off. It’s been done to death, so I don’t understand why women keep falling for it?

My friends aunt married an Egyptian waiter after 2 holidays. Obviously it didn’t work out 😂

With a different race comes a different culture and that is what makes it difficult, and potentially dangerous.

Guys like him are known as fuck dogs. They will screw anything.
Dont be so naive.
Keep away from him.

Your dad can see through him.
Enjoy your holiday!

If she's going to have sex with him, she won't be sticking to public places unless she wants to get arrested!