Currently in Turkey, met a guy…

[theoneortwo]

And I know they say ‘people come along when you least expect it’ but I never ever thought this would happen to me.

im 29, British, recently I came out of a long term relationship and I am currently on holiday with my family.

I’ve met a lovely Turkish man whilst here. Completely unexpectedly, he was working on one of the tours we went on 4 days ago.

I know it sounds silly and cliche, but as soon as I saw him it’s like I just knew I needed to get to know him. We didn’t speak much on the trip itself since he was obviously busy working - but after when he was showing us the photos he’d taken, we swapped numbers and have been chatting ever since.

He has asked to take me for dinner tomorrow evening (locally in the resort town we are staying in) my mum is saying go for it, but my dad seems to have reservations and is telling me not to be so stupid and naive..

This man hasn’t shown me any red flags or given me reason to distrust him.

Im kind of in the mindset that I’m here on holiday, it’s probably not going to progress.. so let’s see what happens?

has anybody else ever been in this situation, meeting a guy abroad / getting to know somebody from a different country?

I know there are huge complex loopholes and issues IF we did get to know each other more and develop a relationship - due to distance etc.

would love to know thoughts please, as I’m really in two minds.

Thank you ☺️

Get a grip -your biological clock is ticking and approaching 30 is affecting your logic Listen to Dad!

What a strange comment 😆

You may not have seen any red flags with him, but you immediately wondering about a future together, visas, talking about the he could be the 'love of your life', and you haven't even been for dinner yet..... that's odd. Calm down. Go for dinner and enjoy it.

My first kiss was on holiday when I was in my teens. In my mind he will forever stay as a gorgeous 18 year old who, for one evening, showered me with compliments, was so into me, and made me so happy. The day after the kiss, I went home, and I never saw him or spoke to him again. It's a happy memory I treasure forever... and it remains firmly in the past as just that - a happy memory.

He asked them if they’d mind if he took me out for a few ours for dinner (his exact words)

He asked, your mum said yes, and your dad said no, yet he's still ploughing ahead with his plans to take you out, despite your dad saying no.

That says a lot about him.

Fake respect, asking your parents for their permission, not getting full permission and just disregarding your dad's wishes.

He sounds like a arrogant dickhead.

If you're not after a one night stand or a long distance relationship, what are you hoping to get out of the date? Free dinner and an education on the Kurdish diaspora?

I’m a 29 year old woman.. I can decide myself if I want to go somewhere or not.

Did I miss Turkey joining the EU??

Your Dad is right. There's red flags in this situation for a reason. Read all the news articles about women who have fallen in love with a man abroad (Turkey, Egypt etc...). My friend was the same as you, ended up marrying him, then he showed his true colours once he sunk his claws in and got his Visa for the UK. Abused her and her young daughter. Beat her black and blue...but he was the loveliest man with no red flags, at the start. They're all lovely when they want to get in your pants and your bank.

Go and enjoy yourself!

People are just trying to guide you from doing things you will probably later regret if you go ahead and meet him, with respect this is no Mills n Boon, if he's such a good catch, why is he "single" although doubt that, you sound very vulnerable in how you are coming across, and would easily catch feelings for him. It's just talk on his side, you'll be getting on your plane home and he'll be side eying the newbies

I'd just assume he finds you attractive and wants to fuck.

No Turkish man ever asked me for a sham marriage or money so I wonder how common that really is.

Ironic given that your post is full of outdated racist and Islamophobic tropes.
He's Turkish, not a member of ISIS!

That was my thought too. The only person he should be asking permission from is you- the adult he wants to date.

Clearly you can't as you're on here, appearing to be seeking validation.

He doesn't see you as an adult woman able to make her own decisions, evidenced by him approaching your parents for permission, one of whom gave a resounding no, and despite your dad saying no, he's disregarded that too.

Zero respect for you, and zero respect for your dad. What a catch!

Your bar seems low.

Quite. Too much racism on this post. I think we can all agree that most twenty something male British tour guides meeting countless young foreign women who will be a sea if not an ocean away within a week or two would be keen for a date/shag. Nothing to do with nationality really!

Asking permission would be a huge turn off and shows his misogyny. He sees you as property and that is a real insult.

What clock? As if some people think the cliff edge still is a thing! Duh!

@LeavesOnTrees that's been my experience too. The racial stereotypes here make for uncomfortable reading.

Go if you want OP, just go believing it's a holiday romance to be enjoyed.

Fwiw I do know of someone who met a Turkish man on holiday there, and fell in love. They got married and had a family. They eventually divorced as it happens but the love and relationship was real. Not a tour guide though

Yeah, have had this happen several times. Met a nice guy in another country but cynical me never intended it to be anything other than a holiday romance with optional shag. Enjoyed it for what it was for the days I was there but never gave them the correct contact details. I was travelling in countries like Morocco, Syria, Iran and so on so I knew up front that nothing could come of it. I also knew there were plenty more fish in the sea for him so no harm done.

Some of your comments, even your very first line, say otherwise.

And I know they say ‘people come along when you least expect it’ but I never ever thought this would happen to me.

I know there are huge complex loopholes and issues IF we did get to know each other more and develop a relationship - due to distance etc.

I’ve got friends that have met the love of their lived abroad, married with children and lovely happy lives - so I know it CAN happen.. but I just never thought it would happen to me!

I do get your concern but what about the millions of couples that met in similar circumstances and made it work?

And I know they say ‘people come along when you least expect it’ but I never ever thought this would happen to me It hasn’t happened to you. Some bloke who works in a holiday resort has asked you out for dinner. That’s it. If you’re already thinking of it in terms of having ‘met’ someone then you definitely do not have the emotional wherewithal to be having a holiday romance.

And so much for him having the respect for your parents to ask their permission first. Your dad said no and this bloke completely ignored him. So what was the point of asking? Could it be an attempt to make some dozy Brits think that he’s not like all the other boys working in the resorts; he’s a nice boy who values family?

What do you seriously see as the best case scenario here? You’ve said you’re not interested in a casual bunk up, so that’s out the window. Do you think you’ll spend the rest of your holiday getting to know each other, and then stay in touch, growing closer, visiting each other and eventually falling in love? 🤦‍♀️ Come on, you’re 29 ffs. Surely you’ve got a bit more common sense about you than this?

Turkish delight, nice at the time but regret it immediately after

It’s a really bad idea. You’re far too carried away with thinking this could be a long term thing. I’ll let you into a secret. It won’t. Listen to your Dad.

Out of interest, do they visit their wives and children? Because I’m thinking of all the ways it would be possible for a non EU man, married to a non EU woman, to qualify for an EU passport and the only one I can think of would mean that it would be far too dangerous for them to return to their home unless there was a significant shift in Turkish politics or a regime change. So I’m presuming you were invited to visit a load of complete strangers, not knowing a single one of them, and being unable to speak Kurdish?