Currently in Turkey, met a guy…

[theoneortwo]

And I know they say ‘people come along when you least expect it’ but I never ever thought this would happen to me.

im 29, British, recently I came out of a long term relationship and I am currently on holiday with my family.

I’ve met a lovely Turkish man whilst here. Completely unexpectedly, he was working on one of the tours we went on 4 days ago.

I know it sounds silly and cliche, but as soon as I saw him it’s like I just knew I needed to get to know him. We didn’t speak much on the trip itself since he was obviously busy working - but after when he was showing us the photos he’d taken, we swapped numbers and have been chatting ever since.

He has asked to take me for dinner tomorrow evening (locally in the resort town we are staying in) my mum is saying go for it, but my dad seems to have reservations and is telling me not to be so stupid and naive..

This man hasn’t shown me any red flags or given me reason to distrust him.

Im kind of in the mindset that I’m here on holiday, it’s probably not going to progress.. so let’s see what happens?

has anybody else ever been in this situation, meeting a guy abroad / getting to know somebody from a different country?

I know there are huge complex loopholes and issues IF we did get to know each other more and develop a relationship - due to distance etc.

would love to know thoughts please, as I’m really in two minds.

Thank you ☺️

That’s not the case at ALL - see upthread. I’ve mentioned several times I’m sleeping on it, I’m just interested in others thoughts.

This.
First sensible post in the thread.

Enjoy yourself, but be sensible. Public places only, keep an eye on what goes in your drinks, don't get blind drunk.

It's not about tarnishing people with a brush, or saying they are all bad.

People are just pointing out that he's from a very different culture, and has so far displayed that he adheres to that culture, so you should educate yourself on it.

I don't think you are understanding what people are telling you. The issue is not so much as his nationality, it is how and where you met him, and how common the romance scams are in this scenario. That's why people are telling you to have fun / have dinner if you want to but be careful.

And how could you say no red flags when the guy asked your parents' permission to take you out. I grew up with Turkish & Kurdish people, and would never date a man who's asked my parent's permission to take me to dinner. Please move your bar much much higher.

Some things really aren't racism.

It's awareness of reality.

Denying that reality can put us in danger.

Most stereotypes have grains of truth in them. And romance scams are a thing and we've established certain demographics surrounding those that practice these scams. That's not xenophobia. It's just a reality.

You don't stop your daughters or sons being mindful of their safety just to avoid xenophobia.

And nobody assumes all bloody Thai women and Turkish or Kurdish men are all wanting to shag Brits for a passport. But, it is something to bear in mind when speedy romantic gestures occur on a holiday.

I don’t think any of us can say what his intentions are. But I do feel you are in a vulnerable position. You’ve just come out of a long term relationship and the way you are framing this is over romanticised- you just knew you had to get to know him and your mind is racing ahead to how this might work as a relationship in the long term. You mentioned friends in relationships where they met people abroad but never thought it’d happen to you. Slow down! Nothing has happened yet. You’ve just exchanged messages and might go out to dinner. Of course people meet in all kinds of ways and some relationships work out and some do not. But you need to adjust your mindset as you are massively over thinking this to the extent you’ve posted on here. Your approach is one that makes me worry about you and I mean this kindly. Coming out of a relationship is hard and it can be easy to jump into something new just because you want something to fill the gap. So act with caution. All the best.

I don’t think it’s so much that he’s Turkish or Kurdish as much as it that he’s a tour guide and you’re on holiday. Personally, I don’t think he’s necessarily looking for a passport, but I’d bet my last pound he’s looking for a fumble!

And I’d say this regardless of what country you’re holidaying in!

Have you led a very sheltered life, OP? This can’t be the first time a tour guide, waiter, barman etc has tried it on whilst on holiday?

They have tge permanent "the look of love in their eyes" they are well versed in it
I fell for a man like this many years ago at work,it floored me. We didn't have a relationship and I later found out from colleagues that he'd done this with many moments in the workplace who had subsequently had to leave their jobs.
For some blokes it's a power kick and for others it's about exploiting women for money or citizenship.

But you don’t seem to be taking on board other people’s thoughts and instead would rather call them ‘racist’ for merely pointing out something that you cannot seem to see and don’t not want to see because it doesn’t suit your desired outcome of a ‘happy ending’. I’d say from your responses on this thread that you still intend to go against the majority of advice given. So not much point coming on here asking for advice.

Ew

"no oral/anal" 🤮

You're not selling it. Bring back the 50s 🙈

Anyone with ethics in the tourist industry does NOT make a play for the clients. It is sleaze 101.

Oh. I was all for it when I thought you fancied a holiday fling with a sexy Turkish man. Less hopeful about long distance relationship with someone you've known 4 days. Asking your parents is so weird (from both of you). I wouldn't bother it sounds like it'll just end up with you catching feelings and being sad.

Oh go and have a free tea (make sure your parents know where you are at all times). Just take it as one night of fun and that’s all.

As I said previously I'm Turkish myself and know exactly how Turk men behave, especially with British women. It's funny to me. A tale as old as time. To then read this man is actually Kurdish is the more funnier. So no, not racism just reality and experience. If you don't understand, you don't understand. It's okay.

I’ve not RTT but can I direct you to the Facebook page “Love Rats of Marmaris” …..

It's not racist to say we have a reputation for being as easy as they are traditional.

I didn’t ask my parents permission - and wouldn’t 🤣 I don’t have that kind of relationship with them.. I’m an adult and can make my own decisions. He asked them if they’d mind if he took me out for a few ours for dinner (his exact words) - and was concerned as I’m holidaying with them and he didn’t want to disrupt any potential plans.

I haven’t agreed to go, nor have I disagreed.. I said I will see how I feel about it tomorrow and let him know.

I am also not in any way planing long distance relationships or commitments… I was asking some questions I was curious about.

I used to work in Turkey. If it’s just a holiday romance you’re after then go ahead but most Turkish men go after British women for one of two things. He either just wants a shag or he wants to come to the uk.

I haven’t read the whole thread so I’m sure that similar has been said. I warn any young woman going to Turkey about the men there, especially when you meet them in a situation where they are working and you’re a tourist. I have watched these guys be extremely charming and ‘do everything right’ and I have also watched my friends be completely taken in by them and picked up the pieces when they realised they’d been played. Turkish men seem to have a certain impression of British women and I’d be extremely wary, I wouldn’t go to dinner with just him. I’m sure they are not all like that, but think how many women he’s met in his line of work, surely you’re not the first he’s asked out for dinner.

So every couple of weeks this chap gets a fling with a random foreign woman.

He's got his lines, mannerisms, and attitude down to a fine art.

Getting his end away, and the massive ego boost of a new woman every fortnight or so

He's not the long term prospect you think he is, but he might be fun for the holiday. Go into it with your eyes open

Gosh. Someone should report him to the ethics committee at the Tour Operators Standards Society (TOSS).

This. It's a bit confusing what you're after. Him not so much.

I actually know some Kurdish Turk men through work (not in the tourist industry).

They are lovely, hardworking and honest people. They already have European passports so aren't looking to use anyone for that.
They all married quite young within their communities and are quite traditional Muslims. The wives stay at home raising children, doing housework and are very hospitable.
They've told me that it is hard for the Kurds in Turkey as their language isn't recognised and I think they are treated quite badly (one of the reasons why the ones I know left and came to Europe).
I'd love to visit their region and I've been invitied but it's near the Syrian border so I won't be going anytime soon.

Yes this is correct. Turks don’t accept the Kurds. There’s a big issue there and yes their language isn’t accepted.