Can’t stop this affair

[HallieConstancex]

I have been seeing a man for over a year and a half. He has a family (partner & 2 children). I’m not here for sympathy, I know I need to let go.

his reasons for not leaving are his oldest daughter has a severe disability so his partner has given up work and he provides everything for them, so can’t just leave.

he knows me better than anyone, yet I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret.

I can’t do no contact, I have to see him every month at work. It’s not a situation where either of us can leave but I won’t get into it as it’s outing. How am I ever supposed to move on when he has to be in my life for atleast another year?

Yes, that’s what it is. There are so many varieties of goad, goad love him.

Fucking hell, how low that you cheat with a man who is doing that to his wife and disabled DC. You actually do deserve each other, but you're nothing more than a shag to him so that won't ever happen. Anyone can leave. Is this how you dreamed your happily ever after would turn out?

👍

You knowingly decide to make a mums
life harder. Every bit of attention that comes your way doesn’t go to helping her support their child the very one he claims he cannot leave because of.

Honestly though you won’t have been the first and you won’t be the last. Men like him as the saying goes cheat with easier not better.

Also if his happy enough to lie to his wife what makes you think any of his stories are the truth. Cheaters who “can’t” leave don’t want to leave they want fun on the side only.

What struck me most about your post, OP, was the complete focus on why he can’t leave his family for you (that’s bullshit though), and what you deserve.

In your quest for betterment, do you ever think about what his partner and children deserve? Does he think about what they deserve?

Any man that can cheat on his partner and children, especially when she is caring for a severely ill and disabled child is quite literally the scum of the earth.

How that doesn’t leave you completely cold and shrivelled I have no idea.

I'm not going to be nasty to you because I don't know you and it wouldnt help. But I despise women that knowingly have affairs with married men. My DH of 25 years ago left me for a woman he had been having an affair with that he was at university with 2 years ago. Completely out of the blue. I fell apart and thank god I've got my 3 boys . I will never forgive either of them for completely destroying my life and the future I thought I had.

I strongly suspect from your repeated defence of the OP and upset about a few swear words and direct talk that you have also been or are an OW.

I know the MN trope is that the cheating spouse is solely responsible. Bollocks to that. If you choose to get into a relationship with someone you know is married, you play an equal part in that happening. You may not owe the betrayed spouse any loyalty, but you know having a relationship with a married person is wrong and still choose to do it.

Affair partners are just as revolting as cheating spouses.

I am sorry you wasted a year and a half on this lying rat, and well done for blocking him. Stay NC and move on, he was never going to put your first, you were always his bit on the side and you deserve more.

The op didn’t have sex with your husband. You’re projecting because YOUR husband cheated on YOU and DESTROYED your marriage. There is such a thing as objectivity. Of course I am in a place to judge, this a forum site, all people do is judge.

If you met a man on a first date and he told you that he was a liar, a cheat, and he had failed to protect the one thing he was supposed to hold dearest, would you consider him a good man? Would you see him again?

He will never leave.

Dammit, you got there first! If only the OP had posted this a year and a half ago, eh?

Totally agree. I’ve never understood the ‘you owe another woman nothing, fuck who you like, you’re needs are all that matter’ attitude on MN to women who knowingly fuck married men.

Or course he’s a lying cheating POS that goes without saying but knowing that and choosing to e get into an affair makes the other person just as scummy imo.

You carry on being goady, it’ll be you getting your posts removed. It isn’t nice being snide to women who have been traumatised by a cheating husband.

Of course you can stop seeing him and having sex with him.

You just don't want to.

You get something out of this.

Meanwhile, this scumbag is cheating on his longtime wife who stopped working to take care of their disabled child. That's the kind of pond scum he is. Or at least claims to be, he could be giving you a pile of lies. It's not like he's a standup, trustworthy guy.

Is he your boss?

So you HAVE cheated on your spouse. Okay, no idea why you’re giving the op a hard time then.

The fact that you think a few swear words is on a par with cheating with a married man is bizarre. Again, you do not get to pontificate to other posters.

Errr no

Yet he probably would leave if his circumstances are different.

Would he though?

He's getting to have his cake and eat it. He's got his main relationship with his family on one side and you on the other side for fun. Fun with zero commitment to you and zero chance of there ever being any. Men like this always have an excuse for not leaving. If his daughter wasn't the reason, he'd find another excuse.

Find your self-respect and raise your bar. I'd rather be single than play the "second best" game.

And I also certainly wouldn't want to be responsible for causing pain to his partner if she were ever to find out, which she very well may do. Walk away before someone gets hurt.

I don’t understand what anyone man or women thinks when they start a betrayal with someone who goes.

Im married but I can’t leave. I really like / love you though and just wish I could be with you, but I cannot.

Because as I said before if they can lie to their wife/husband lying to you is 1000% times easier.

Worst case you tell their love, they fight for their marriage, claim your a bunny boiler / crazy stalker, you blackmailed them as they did make one huge mistake and then you’ve said you will tell wife / husband if they don’t keep it up.

Any man or women who wants to leave their partner even if a cheater will within the first couple of months. Not the best start mind sneaking and lies but if that’s the type of character you like they that’s a you thing.

Low self esteem daddy issues or whatever.

My vagina would dry up and clamp shut at I’ve got a wife but….

Im not biting - I’ve never been cheated on but I’ve seen what cheating does. My friend committed suicide when she was 5 months pregnant when she discovered her husband had been fucking a woman half his age for months.

Cheats are scummy cunts - and I don’t give a shit about calling a spade a spade.

Direct that anger to the cheating husband.

I said I had never cheated on my husband. I suggest you read before you post.

Yep, utterly vile

You are wasting time your time in this situation which is all it is a situation.
You deserve a full relationship and he needs to show love and respect for his family have you thought of it in a way where you are just an escape for him it's not love it will only end badly.
You can stop this .

It’s a story as old as time. You’d think people would be more enlightened.