Can’t stop this affair

[HallieConstancex]

I have been seeing a man for over a year and a half. He has a family (partner & 2 children). I’m not here for sympathy, I know I need to let go.

his reasons for not leaving are his oldest daughter has a severe disability so his partner has given up work and he provides everything for them, so can’t just leave.

he knows me better than anyone, yet I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret.

I can’t do no contact, I have to see him every month at work. It’s not a situation where either of us can leave but I won’t get into it as it’s outing. How am I ever supposed to move on when he has to be in my life for atleast another year?

I suggest you do too, as I said quite clearly that I’d been through this.
Being vile and goady to women who’ve been through something so painful is disgusting, you have no right to call anyone else crass and vulgar.
I’m bowing out

But you’re mistaken. I have the upmost sympathy for cheated wives.

honestly please ask yourself how you sleep at night, being a willing participant in the destruction of that disabled child’s family. Yes - he’s the one with loyalties but you’re the one fueling it too. You are a willing participant.

Date other men, there will be a lovely match out there

dump this fool

It’s the type of thing I’d expect young adults to fall for but not once your hitting late 20’s and up but yet there’s so many stories of the hidden women or man.

They spend Christmas alone, Valentine’s alone, affair partners birthday alone. Yet they feel they have won a prize.

The prize of being a secret and never actually good enough to be their number 1.

But for some bizarre reason they get hung up that this lying cheater picked them. Because they must be the only person this cheater has ever cheated with obviously. Their cheating partner would also never cheat of them either yet often men more than women have more than one on the go.

I am judging you hard for fucking a dude whose kid has complex medical needs too. He should be home with his family, not out spending money and time fucking you.

And hoping to get sympathy on mumsnet of all places. Sigh.

Still, all is good now. OP has seen the light.

Yes I read your husband cheated on you. How are my comments calling out swearing vile? I have every right to call out vulgar behaviour. I respectfully suggest you leave the thread if the contents is too much for you.

Oh no, not another fucking swearer. The vicar’s going to be exhausted.

Even if he did leave his wife for you...you.know the old saying....'marry the mistress it leaves a vacancy '
Once a cheat always a cheat

Of course you can stop it, you have free will, you’re not in chains, you choose not to end it, there’s a big difference and it says everything about you that you’ve carried this on, cheaters are the lowest of the low, he’s a pig and you’re complicit

Well, you could leave the thread if it affects your delicate sensibilities so much. You aren’t exactly offering much to be fair.

Don’t go, just ignore.

I'll be honest. I would not be your friend because our standards are too far apart. I would not support you in fucking a married dude.

I think some single men would have difficulty with this to because fucking a married dude with a disabled kid says a lot about your character and you as a person.

"you don't deserve to be hidden away"????
Having an affair with a married man is 🤢. With a family. With a disabled child. My goodness his poor wife.
Not cool.

I suspect we have a sock puppet on the thread. The OP has mysteriously disappeared..👀

Of course you can end it. You're choosing not too.

She’ll be fine, got lots of understanding family and friends surrounding her apparently. Maybe she wanted to come to the dark side for a bit.

Whoooisit btw?

This situation is not bringing you genuine happiness. The feeling when you're together is only so good because of the contrast with the time when you're apart, waiting to hear from him, wondering what he's up to. The highs and lows are an addiction and you need to stop to be free. You know your future with him is more of the same, and what a waste of your life that is. Obviously it would be easier without the work thing. But it's a day a month, most of which you (should) be working. You're more than capable of controlling yourself and showing some strength of character for a few hours, so just get on with it. Free yourself.

This is a good step. I know many commenters have been blunt. But also, if you want more - to be first in a relationship - you need to be with someone who isn't a cheat.

Same

So his partner has given up possibly her career to dedicate her entire life to looking after their disabled child. In return he cheats, what a stand up guy

in case you are still reading.

I am the parent of a SEN child, I have given up my job to care for my child.

I would not want my husband to stay with me while having an affair.

If he wants to leave, I'd like him to tell me so I can - myself - make a decision about my own life.

Your man is a piece of shit. He is putting his wife in a revolting position of humiliation. He does not respect her and he does not respect his family life.

If he wanted to - he could say to his wife - I'd like to leave you because im unhappy how can we break up in a way that continues the support you need for our child.

He could - (for example) - go part time and care for the child - he could share all his money but leave, he could get another home and share care.

He has many options. I think the one very specific option that makes him a total piece of shit is having sex outside his marriage while pretending it's to 'be so kind' to his wife.

please op get some therapy and understand this man is not a good person and is using both you and his wife.