Total lack of effort in parenting-between the 80/90s and now

[Eatthecakeandshush]

This summer my Dd, 7, has:

Been to the beach numerous times
Been to the pool numerous times
Been on playdates
Had playdates at our house
Been to playgrounds
Been to slide park/indoor play place
Been to water parks
Been to cafes & shopping
Had picnics
Had Bbqs with toasted marshmallows
Done baking
Done crafts
Been on bike rides
Been to the skate park
Been to the lake
Been to fairs ….etc etc

I am no perfect parent, nor do I have tons of money.

She has also herself

Made dens
Played in the garden
Played on the trampoline
Played with toys
Swung in the hammock reading
Watched tv
Played games on my phone

At her age, I remember:

Watching a lot of tv
Playing with my toys
Playing on my brothers computer
Reading
Playing in the garden
Making dens
Going to the shopping centre as a treat for clothes-no cafe or McDonald’s etc, but a chocolate bar/sweets at the shops

Bike rides and knocking on at friends houses came later, but always entertaining ourselves

The same with weekends, we would sometimes go into the town shopping with mum, but mainly Saturdays would be spent finding things to do at home and my mum lying down on the sofa watching tv. Sundays were worse with Super gran on tv and literally nothing to do. Sometimes we’d walk to the park but I remember that being rare and it was exciting to drive to the tip with my dad!

The difference between my life and my DD’s is huge. Even things I notice with my parents now. When we go places, I like to choose ones where Dd can be happy/occupied, where there is not really much thought for this. They want to watch the news, which we never watch as Dd is usually watching tv at that point and we’re not really bothered tbh. My parents even seemed a bit put out when I played my dds cd in the car there and back when we all went out in the car recently

I think as kids we were always just expected to go along with what they were doing or sort ourselves out somehow. My dad played with us a lot when able to, mum never did. Definitely no days out that I do with dd or crafts or baking (aside from occasional flapjacks and mince pies at Christmas-which was nice)

I read my school book to my mum every night, but she didn’t do a bedtime story, dad did occasionally, whereas we’ve done that since she was tiny. No one checked my homework or got extra resources for at home to support and so on
We didn’t go to any clubs or summer clubs, when I asked my mum why, she said that I never asked to.

Everything I do is just the standard amongst my peer group for those with kids, in fact I perhaps do less as Dd plays with neighbours a fair bit.

Interesting to think how this generation will grow up compared to how we did, it’s just so different now.

Did anyone else experience similar?

Haha 70s kid here my ( lovely and sadly missed) Dad would be smoking while driving us round with the footie on the car radio !

I read something that said we (30s and 40s) spent our childhood doing whatever our parents wanted to do, and now we're spending our adulthood doing whatever our children want to do. I'm grateful I had a feral 12ish years in between at least 🤣

For a 7 year old, that sounds lovely, but it does get harder to 'entertain' children as they got older.

When my DS was young, from an early age, his days looked like your child's.

But now he is almost a teen, apart from the bike track, everything cost money. There are fewer cheep or free options. He doesn't want to go to holiday clubs, abd I don't blame him, as 12 yo he would tower over most other kids.

He is left a lot to his own devices as I WFH during the summer. He is hanging out with the neighbourhood kids. Vaping is common at the bike track (and less frequently kids have weed) and we have lots of chats about not stariting vaping etc.

But, the alternative is gaming in the room.

I just think life is more complicated and some parents gave limited resources.

I grew up in what I think was the golden age in the 80s. SO much freedom. Parents were totally hands off.

We cycled miles from home. Explored every alley and corner of our housing estate. Played in streams. Climbed massive trees. Rollerskated. Knocked on random doors and asked strangers if we could takes their dog for a walk. Mental looking back in comparison to today's kids'experience. Parents largely had no clue what we were doing.

At other times we also did nothing and learned how to be totally unstimulated and bored.

Yeah. Golden age 😍

Yep. Spoilt kids are turning into entitled lazy adults who expect everything and can't do anything themselves. Its already evident but it's only going to get worse.

Well said, and don’t get me started on tracking their children

@Thepeopleversuswork presumably that's why so many of those dc who are today's parents have rejected the way they were raised.

My ND DS couldn't cope with all the activities that some of his friends got dragged to. I had to factor in regular down-days (decompression days I have heard them called now) so he knew he was going to be at home all day and no pressure, he could play with his Lego in his pants and watch some TV.

He was happiest with my 1960s childhood. He found it far less stressful.

I was a 60's child of parents with no money at all. I played out, roamed the locality with a gang of similarly 'poor' kids. We played in woods, built dens, rode bikes up and down (then very quiet) roads and played outside in the garden. Very very rare trips out but we didn't miss them because we never had them.

My kids were born in the early 90's. We did stuff, I took them swimming, to the beach, we lived very rurally so they were outside playing on their bikes, building dens etc. Very much like my childhood.

Nowadays it seems parents feel guilty if they aren't cramming every second of their child's time. Kids these days complain of feeling bored if there isn't an activity laid on over weekends and seem less able to entertain themselves. Boredom and lack of continual parental engagement is not always a bad thing.

Yep. Spoilt kids are turning into entitled lazy adults who expect everything and can't do anything themselves. It's already evident but it's only going to get worse.

🙄

It is all of this but its also the way that children are centred, its not actually good for them, it causes anxiety to think or believe or feel that you're at the centre of everything, it sounds opposite to what would be true but it means you develop a main character syndrome and think that you cause or create situations, have power you dont have but also have power that you dont want or cant understand. It cause a lot of navel gazing and introspection .

The best message you can give a child, conversely, is 'you're not that special'.

Yes, I remember it well.

Bottle of coke with a straw, a bag of chipsticks and a book and a tranny (which was a transistor radio) and I was happy on my own for an hour or so in the back of the car. My dad would come and get me after an hour or so, to let me go for a wee, then back to the car with another coke and another bag of chipsticks.

If all this helicopter parenting is so great for our children, then why are Gen Z and Gen A the most anxious, least independent generations of all? I grew up in the 80s and I have happy childhood memories without my parents having been there for tons of organised fun. I'm a happy, rounded adult without childhood trauma, even though I was a latchkey child.

Yes I keep seeing quotes along the lines of ‘children used to be expected to fit into their parents lives and now it’s the other way round’
can’t remember the exact words but it’s on about 80s/90s childhoods!

No, my parents were great and I had a really great childhood. I do feel that parents today really baby their kids and are too involved. The whole point of parenting is to teach your kids to be independent adults but the amount of threads on here where someone is asking is it okay to leave their 17 year old for the night or helping their adult kids out is worrying.

I dont think there is anything wrong with expecting children to fit in with whats going on either.

Some of the posts here are using examples of extreme neglect or abusive or absent parenting to make their point, thats comparing apples and oranges.

And current generations have the worst mental health. I mean, it doesn't necessarily mean that helicopter parenting and lack of ability to be bored is bad for mental health, but there might be a degree of correlation.

My childhood was late 1990s/early 2000s but ‘playing out’ all summer was amazing!

Much better than ‘play dates’

We did have family holiday as well, and the odd day out. But generally lots of playing out with all the neighbourhood children and friends when it was sunny, and 24/7 The Sims when it was rainy.

Tbh I think this was healthier than the helicopter micro-managing parenting that a lot of us do now with endless scheduled, organised activities that kids are ferried to and from. A bit of boredom is healthy! Then again I suppose every generation thinks their childhood era was the best.

Yep my 70 s childhood was similar. It was great really.

If all this helicopter parenting is so great for our children, then why are Gen Z and Gen A the most anxious, least independent generations of all?

Are they anxious because of helicopter parenting or are there other factors at play?

I adore my kids ( now in their 30s) but I look at parenting now days and it just seems exhausting.

I’m an 80s kid who had children later and I certainly dont feel the need to keep them
entertained all the time. Sometimes
we do things and sometimes they’re bored. Boredom is really important for children and parents today seem to fear bored kids so do everything in their power to keep them entertained. Boredom promotes creativity and self sufficiency, it teaches children to sort themselves out so alongside that it introduces independence.

In think it’s madness to ensure tarquin is busy every waking minute outside of school. Let him value the days out by experiencing boredo
.

I actually think so many parent led activities aren't good for kids. I remember lounging around the house all the time as a kid and it was great..

Research shows recent generations of kids are way more anxious, with more mental health issues than previous kids, so past generations must have done something right

I think in earlier decades kids had to make their own fun more, and experience boredom more, but maybe that was a good thing. Lacking any obvious entertainment is actually a chance for your mind to wander, or to be creative, but empty time just doesn't happen much now (for kids or adults). There is always something to read, watch or listen to.

I had to spend a lot of time after school at my parents' workplace, waiting for them to finish work. I used to roam the local streets and parks, chat to the staff, and make up strange games in the yard. I would probably have said it was very boring but I have quite good memories of it now

I'm probably much older than you but went to a boarding school in another country, had morning exercise before breakfast, play at 10, various sports, beach, rowing and choir, mountain orienteering, hiking, swimming, physio and private lessons back home. We are talking of one very small country on the Balkans. Sorry to day but your parents were lazy, that's all.

I did similar for my daughters who are in their 30s now, I never sat on my bum watching TV but managed a winery with two useless husbands in a row. My daughters got riding, French, piano and hiking just from local people in the village.

They are trying the western lifestyle now but thanks goodness, I moved over to help grandkids learn scheduled but free days also. They've been running like mad on the moors today and didn't believe we once had ponies in my backyard. But granny, you need a paddock for them. No dear, I just had them in the backyard