Total lack of effort in parenting-between the 80/90s and now

[Eatthecakeandshush]

This summer my Dd, 7, has:

Been to the beach numerous times
Been to the pool numerous times
Been on playdates
Had playdates at our house
Been to playgrounds
Been to slide park/indoor play place
Been to water parks
Been to cafes & shopping
Had picnics
Had Bbqs with toasted marshmallows
Done baking
Done crafts
Been on bike rides
Been to the skate park
Been to the lake
Been to fairs ….etc etc

I am no perfect parent, nor do I have tons of money.

She has also herself

Made dens
Played in the garden
Played on the trampoline
Played with toys
Swung in the hammock reading
Watched tv
Played games on my phone

At her age, I remember:

Watching a lot of tv
Playing with my toys
Playing on my brothers computer
Reading
Playing in the garden
Making dens
Going to the shopping centre as a treat for clothes-no cafe or McDonald’s etc, but a chocolate bar/sweets at the shops

Bike rides and knocking on at friends houses came later, but always entertaining ourselves

The same with weekends, we would sometimes go into the town shopping with mum, but mainly Saturdays would be spent finding things to do at home and my mum lying down on the sofa watching tv. Sundays were worse with Super gran on tv and literally nothing to do. Sometimes we’d walk to the park but I remember that being rare and it was exciting to drive to the tip with my dad!

The difference between my life and my DD’s is huge. Even things I notice with my parents now. When we go places, I like to choose ones where Dd can be happy/occupied, where there is not really much thought for this. They want to watch the news, which we never watch as Dd is usually watching tv at that point and we’re not really bothered tbh. My parents even seemed a bit put out when I played my dds cd in the car there and back when we all went out in the car recently

I think as kids we were always just expected to go along with what they were doing or sort ourselves out somehow. My dad played with us a lot when able to, mum never did. Definitely no days out that I do with dd or crafts or baking (aside from occasional flapjacks and mince pies at Christmas-which was nice)

I read my school book to my mum every night, but she didn’t do a bedtime story, dad did occasionally, whereas we’ve done that since she was tiny. No one checked my homework or got extra resources for at home to support and so on
We didn’t go to any clubs or summer clubs, when I asked my mum why, she said that I never asked to.

Everything I do is just the standard amongst my peer group for those with kids, in fact I perhaps do less as Dd plays with neighbours a fair bit.

Interesting to think how this generation will grow up compared to how we did, it’s just so different now.

Did anyone else experience similar?

Surely it depends on the household? In the 60’s, my parents took me to loads of places, but I was expected to amuse myself at other times with friends.

I took my 70’s kids to loads of places, but they were also expected to amuse themselves with friends at times.🤷‍♀️

I went loads of places with my parents in the 70s. No we didn't have coffee or Maccys, the only fast food place we had was Wimpy and we couldn't afford that. BBQ wasn't a thing neither was soft play. But we went to the park ,the beach occasionally swimming. Mainly free or cheap activities but totally enjoyable

I am no perfect parent, nor do I have tons of money.
but you are doing amazing, and doing your best.

It doesn't mean your parents represent parenthood

I think as kids we were always just expected to go along with what they were doing or sort ourselves out somehow.
in your house, that's not my experience at all. There was a lot less tv, we were away most weekends or have friends around.

If anything, speaking with my friends, our parents were a lot MORE social than we are. Holidays and clubs were much cheaper, we did more than my kids do - and frankly they do lots. I don't remember going away on holiday without a friend, when I wasn't going away WITH my friends family.

Now it's not that common that kids go away with other families.

Yes I could say similar OP

I think there were three big differences

• attitude to kids - they were expected to fit in, not be the centre of the universe

• availability of child-focused activities and clubs - much less on offer then vs now

• how much time was taken up with household tasks - no online shopping or admin was possible, everything had to be done in person or at least by a phone call rather than a few clicks, so parents had less time

I don’t think today’s way is 100% better. We have a generation of kids who are used to things revolving around them. They probably have a much more fun and entertaining childhood but they may well find the adult world tougher 🤷‍♀️

I think your list is pretty mild compared with a lot of the over stimulated kids' activities my friends do with their kids. Theme parks, water parks, beach trips, museums, theatre, cinema etc.

My 80s childhood was much more like you describe for your DD and I'd say that's probably pretty standard / self motivated / playing alone type stuff.

Edited to say we both work full time so my kids have, over the holidays, been in orchestra camp, musical theatre camp, tennis club, cricket training etc. etc. Not my preference but needs must.

I went out to the beach and awful lot, but my parents had nowhere near the disposable income I have at the same point - and I wouldn't pretend to be ridiculously well off.

There was also no need for play dates. My 9 year old only see's her mates when it's prearranged. At a similar age we were comparatively feral - playing in the park in big groups without adult supervision for the whole day.

Yes but it was a different time. You can’t compare generations. I think sometimes it’s too child focussed now.

I agree and I’ve taken my children out on a ton of day trips too. But I can’t quite help thinking it’s too much and the magic is in the variety.

I generally think it’s important to let the kids do quiet activities like reading and knocking around the garden and have to make an effort to include plenty of it, so the expectation isn’t full on, continual entertainment.

If anything, I feel bad we can't afford all the holidays and activities our parents could afford when I was younger. It was so much cheaper to go away then, people use to rent holiday houses for entire months. It's nearly unheard of now., most people barely rent or go to a hotel for a week, that's all.

I am sure wealthy people keep renting for a month, but in my non-wealthy circle, people go on holiday for a week to 10 days, rarely for a month or more.

Completely agree. The level of entitlement in some kids is off the scale, and nothing to be proud of parenting-wise.

Yes in many ways i did way more with my child than my parents generation but in all honesty i don’t know ultimately that it makes for happier children. This generation of children are pretty troubled despite most of them living fuller lives than my generation did

I had my first baby in the 80s. My youngest is still in primary school.
Parenting styles and fashion change constantly.

I think your experience reflects your upbringing not the majority.

This is what I wonder…my dd and all the kids I know often have such lovely lives and experiences, will they always just be wanting more and won’t appreciate the simple things? I’ve definitely tried to cut back and do less and we do normally try to have a simple life-dog walks, playing with friends, but she does do massively more than I did

The UK is much more child centric now.
There is a balance to be struck between keeping your children entertained and allowing them freedom to be bored and make their own fun.
Im a child of the 70s and had a great childhood with minimal parent intervention. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
I didnt expect to occupy my child in the 90s once they were 11 or 12 years old.

I grew up in the late 60s - mid 70s and I had what I suppose you'd describe as a 'free range childhood'. I don't remember my parents organising much for me and my 2 older brothers in the way of days out etc. That's not to say they weren't attentive parents,they were very much 'there' when we needed them to be,but they didn't hover over us much of the time,they let us get on and do our own thing. I can recall from about the age of 8 going off out for hours on my bike with my friends. We came home when we were hungry!

Yet somehow what we are doing is impacting negatively on children as anxiety and mental health disorders are significantly increasing.

Thinking about it, a lot of my friends had SAH mums, or teacher mum, but at least one parent at home during the entire holiday- or more.

Now both parents work, so spend a lot less time doing things together.

When we used to bake with our mums, have mums organising playdates, treasure hunt, taking all the kids in the car to go to the beach.. it's not happening anymore

I was out all day with friends in primary school. In secondary school they were all a big distance away so apart from meeting up in town occasionally I was stuck at home.
As much as I was busy when I was younger, bike rides, reading, drawing, playing etc I can remember being SO bored as a kid. When the weather was bad you were just stuck inside with nothing to do, nothing on the tv, no materials to make things….

Yes, totally hear you. Mine are 17 and 21 now and thankfully well adjusted, polite kids, but i’ve seen some shockers over the years.

I honestly believe it's just parents anxiety who is dripping on the kids.

The amount of threads on here where people are scared to death to go to "London" because they expect gangs with machetes to attack them (when Londoners live happy normal lives)

the amount of threads when the idea of living a child home alone is "abuse" , there was a thread recently about leaving a 17 year old and a 15 year old for a weekend, posters were fainting at the idea.

Any sleepover for an under 16 child? Can only result in sexual abuse apparently.

It's not doing things with kids the problem, it's insane anxiety and refusing to let them grow up and learn independence, as so well shown on this forum.

I did a lot with mine when younger although my third child had a bit less due to necessity at the time and juggling it all!! They are 18/16/13 now and I don’t do anywhere near as much as I used to and they have steadily done less with us and more with friends as they’ve grown up!

I think it’s important not to over schedule things too, for them as well as the parents.i look back at I think at times I felt pressure due to other mums around me ti push myself to do more and more activities etc! I think it lead to my eldest not knowing how to deal with boredom sometimes. I also think it meant they didn’t think for themselves much at times 🙈!! In the 70’s and 80’s I had a lot more freedom and had a great childhood- my mum took us out and about in the holidays but it didn’t feel as OTT as some people do now. I think we are falling foul of helicopter parenting pressures at times…. I think a healthy balance of the two eras is probably best.

These days its quality not quantity as they naturally pull away from parents and more to their peers. We do things such as escape rooms with them and a meal or a games evening or bowling and it’s fun but prob once every few weeks. Last year we went for a 2 week holiday and all loved it but missed their mates so go for less is more at the moment!!

My children were born in the 70s/80s and have happy memories of playing out with friends, going to playschemes, bike riding, going swimming. Caravan/camping holidays, picnics . Much less organised than today - but they learnt a lot of useful life skills, solving problems and thinking for themselves. They still reminisce about those days now.

Your parents don’t represent all parents of every previous presentation

just as you don’t represent all parents of today

all you are describing is how you think you trump your own parents

I’ve noticed some of our friends do so much with their kids at Xmas, it’s not our cup of tea but it’s like everyday day is lined up with some magic experience. Interesting times.

i grew up in a developing country in the 80s so even less there geared to kids compared to the UK. My mum occasionally took us to the only playground. My dad would take us for bike rides along the seafront. And we went camping in the desert.

I can remember spending alot of time at home and was good at occupying myself playing inside or outside (only child) although my dad did play with me sometimes, and i was lucky that my mum did so alot- pretend games like schools, weddings etc....she is still great at all that now with my DDs.
My dad worked and my mum was a SAHM.We did family games like hide and seek or board games.
I played the piano and violin so spent time doing that too.
Watched abit of TV but screen time was limited, as it should be.
We went for walks, to the beach etc, also did cinema trips, swimming and theatre trips on occasion, days out to the zoo etc.Had friends to play quite often.
But they were occasuonal treats not constant (again, as i think it should be)
I don't think my daughter's childhood is that different to be honest, other than things are definitely pricier (such as days out) and there's alot more 'experiences' to spend money on.

But my parents only had me, were very devoted and involved parents, and there wasn't a shortage of money, which I'm sure helped.