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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my husband to stop saying this?

512 replies

cittykat · 29/08/2025 07:48

my 9 year old son is a massive cat lover. He has cat slippers, tshirts, pens etc etc. I got him some cat pyjamas. These ones. https://amzn.to/45XnCwa

my husband (son’s dad) keeps telling him that he has to stop wearing them as they are girls’ pyjamas.

my son has said to him “please can you stop calling them girls’ pyjamas” and my husband says that he will be bullied if his friends see him wearing them. I have pointed out that the only one bullying him is his own father.

my husband says that telling him that they’re girls’ and not appropriate is not bullying it’s “parenting”

my husband thinks the shorts on the pyjamas are too short. Like little hot pants. Sometimes when son is lounging on the sofa they ride up and some bum cheek is visible. This angers husband and starts him off on his “girls’ pyjamas” conversation again.

son likes the pyjamas. I said I would ask on here what people thought. Please vote.

YANBU - your husband should stop calling them “girls’ pyjamas” to your son and back off

YABU - your son shouldn’t wear the pyjamas and your husband is right to protect him from future bullying if son’s friends saw the pyjamas on a sleepover.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
SwingTheMonkey · 29/08/2025 20:31

Shellyash · 29/08/2025 14:03

So many comments on here that i have hardly read any. But i am going to jump in on your DH side. Mine would do the same and the total reason he is doing it is to protect your son. Kids are merciless and heartless and all it takes is for a friend to see these PJ's and your kid will be bullied relentlessly. DH is doing it to stop this happening. As hard as it seems and as unkind as it seems, as a bloke he knows only too well trigger points for boys to be unkind to each other. Even in this day of correctness and acceptance of everyone and everything - no one has taught the bullyish boys whats right and wrong.

Edited

How is that going to be an issue in the child’s own home? Op won’t be sending him to a friend’s house wearing them, I’m sure. He’s fine wearing whatever he wants in his own home.

Bloatstoat · 29/08/2025 20:35

My DS is the same age. We got given a big bag of clothes passed on by some friends who have two older girls for my DD who is 7 to grow into. DD was looking through the bag and found some dark pink Harry Potter shorts pyjamas - which DS, who loves Harry Potter, immediately claimed. They are definitely girls pyjamas - pink, previously owned by girls, in a similar short short style to OP's cat ones - but DS is happy, so who cares? I'm not sure I would encourage him to wear them to cub camp, as he might get teased, but at home or staying with his friends or family, why not?

I think your DH is being ridiculous OP, and he should leave your DS in peace to enjoy his pyjamas.

Pinkpommebear · 29/08/2025 21:04

Your husband is a massive insecure bully to that kid.They are lovely for a 9 year old. I will say there are things I tell my son absolutely no he cannot wear into town because kids actually are little bullies but I wouldn't go on an all out vendetta over it. Let him wear them at home but if you're worried keep them for non sleepovers. Your son sounds adorable.

Pinkpommebear · 29/08/2025 21:08

What makes them for 'girls'? Because a label says so? Buy my son trousers from girls section all the time Because they generally don't have tight end cuffs. So what? Doesn't say GIRLS on them.

Tedsnan1 · 29/08/2025 21:14

ittakes2 · 29/08/2025 08:01

This is a joke post right? The link you posted literally says they are girls pjs so likely designed for girls bodies.

🙄

PrincessFluffyPants · 29/08/2025 21:19

It's easy to buy PJ sewing patterns and cat themed fabric and make some less revealing PJs, if you or a family member haven't got the skills try Facebook to find someone local.

ObliviousCoalmine · 29/08/2025 21:32

I didn’t look at them. I don’t need to, pyjamas are clothes. Your husband is quite stupid, and a bully.

TheignT · 29/08/2025 21:35

ILoveWhales · 29/08/2025 18:09

I hadn't even noticed that. I thought they were also marketed at girls because theyre so pink.

At least they'll be comfortable rather than penis and balls in a pair of hot pants.

Show quote history

Do you think the child who wears them and likes them might be a better judge of how comfortable they are than you?

Agapornis · 29/08/2025 21:43

cittykat · 29/08/2025 11:12

A lot of comments that these are little hot pants. If you click the link you can see they are not.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07C89W34M/ fwiw OP there is this brown tabby pair that are now on offer for £6.99. Maybe the magic of a cat pjs thread got everyone a discount!

OSTMusTisNT · 29/08/2025 21:44

He's stuck in the 1960's and terrified the lad will be turned gay by his PJ's. AKA being a bellend.

Gonners · 29/08/2025 21:45

Inspired by this thread, I've just ordered myself a pair of black & white cat PJs with the slogan "I can hear you but I'm not listening" - size "15 to 16 years". They are described as girls' pyjamas. I am far, far beyond being a girl but they'll almost certainly fit. They'll probably be a bit baggy.

Labelling clothing as being for boys/girls is just absurd and has been since I was a teenager, back in the mid/late 1960s.

SwingTheMonkey · 29/08/2025 22:06

PrincessFluffyPants · 29/08/2025 21:19

It's easy to buy PJ sewing patterns and cat themed fabric and make some less revealing PJs, if you or a family member haven't got the skills try Facebook to find someone local.

Yeah. No need. He’s got a pair that fit a 9 year old boy just fine.

Morningsleepin · 29/08/2025 22:36

UK men really are insecure about their masculinity

TheBeesTrees · 29/08/2025 23:17

ResusciAnnie · 29/08/2025 07:58

I’d get my husband to explain why he thinks a girl wearing tiny bum-showing shorts would be ok, if it’s not ok for his son? 😵‍💫

Show quote history

This. My teenage ds has long pj shorts down to his knees but theyre quite baggy and he has to be careful he doesnt fall out of them when lying on the sofa watching tv!

JustPassingThruHere · 29/08/2025 23:35

Op: buys son girl pjs
Husband: those are girls pj's
Op: admits they are girl pj's and shares confirmation link
Also Op: my husband is mean for noticing the truth and telling the truth to my child

Sorry, don't know how to assist on this one!

Briningitallin · 29/08/2025 23:37

Your DH is an idiot, and nasty with it.

Emmafuller79 · 30/08/2025 00:01

cittykat · 29/08/2025 07:48

my 9 year old son is a massive cat lover. He has cat slippers, tshirts, pens etc etc. I got him some cat pyjamas. These ones. https://amzn.to/45XnCwa

my husband (son’s dad) keeps telling him that he has to stop wearing them as they are girls’ pyjamas.

my son has said to him “please can you stop calling them girls’ pyjamas” and my husband says that he will be bullied if his friends see him wearing them. I have pointed out that the only one bullying him is his own father.

my husband says that telling him that they’re girls’ and not appropriate is not bullying it’s “parenting”

my husband thinks the shorts on the pyjamas are too short. Like little hot pants. Sometimes when son is lounging on the sofa they ride up and some bum cheek is visible. This angers husband and starts him off on his “girls’ pyjamas” conversation again.

son likes the pyjamas. I said I would ask on here what people thought. Please vote.

YANBU - your husband should stop calling them “girls’ pyjamas” to your son and back off

YABU - your son shouldn’t wear the pyjamas and your husband is right to protect him from future bullying if son’s friends saw the pyjamas on a sleepover.

I’m team husband . In my town , I’ve seen a few little boys wearing dresses or twirling little girly umbrellas. They don’t even look good. but there mums are so proud for reasons not known to me.

Keep it simple with boys - dress them in plain blue /grey /and you can’t go wrong 👍

Shellyash · 30/08/2025 00:02

SwingTheMonkey · 29/08/2025 20:31

How is that going to be an issue in the child’s own home? Op won’t be sending him to a friend’s house wearing them, I’m sure. He’s fine wearing whatever he wants in his own home.

Show quote history

Yep but life doesn't always work like you want. Teach the child now what does and doesn't pass in your peer group and it makes for a slightly easier life within this life of high expectations.
I repeat that I hate bullying and peer pressure, but they still remain regardless to me.

Shellyash · 30/08/2025 00:05

Morningsleepin · 29/08/2025 22:36

UK men really are insecure about their masculinity

No. Little boys wearing girls pj's is nothing to do with uk men being insecure.

Unfortunately there is a difference between boys and girls still.

Emmafuller79 · 30/08/2025 00:08

SomeOfTheTrouble · 29/08/2025 08:09

So what? It says ‘girls’ to come up in searches when people are looking for pyjamas. It doesn’t mean they can only be worn by girls. I often buy my daughters things that say ‘boys’. What difference does it make?
OP would your DH be happy for a daughter to have her bum cheeks on show, just not a son?

Show quote history

Not as simple as that. 🤔The female body/figure is such that it can carry of types of clothing and colours if clothing very well. So females get away with wearing skirts or trousers Fashion designers who are often gay men know this and so love to design clothes for women.

The male body is as such that it doesn’t look good in dresses , hot pants but looks better in a shirt & trousers that are blue/black /grey .

the best looking man in the world would look pathetic in a dress yet an average looking lady would still look good in a 3 piece suit

Emmafuller79 · 30/08/2025 00:14

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 29/08/2025 08:02

You husband is reinforcing stereotypes and being misogynistic. He needs to stop.

My 9 year old DS has really long hair and loves wearing jewelry. We teach him that anyone that picks on him is just jealous and to ignore anyone if they make a comment. People can dress as they please.

He gets a few questions about the hair but mainly compliments about the necklace and the kids at school are fine.

I'd be worried that your DH is implying that its OK for girls bum cheeks to be on show!!!

You don’t say what his long hair and Jewellry is like! Is his long hair done in like a boyish/rockstar way or does he put ribbons in? Also is he wearing chunky silver necklace & single ear stud or a Disney princess necklace with pink earrings?

Context is important…

Emmafuller79 · 30/08/2025 00:15

landlordhell · 29/08/2025 08:09

Why is it ok for a girl’s bum to be on show but not a boy’s?

It’s not about that. The fit is meant for a girl not a boy so her bottom wouldn’t be exposed. 🙄

Emmafuller79 · 30/08/2025 00:19

Funnywonder · 29/08/2025 10:51

I absolutely agree. Everyone is generally fine with a girl exhibiting her ‘tomboy’ characteristics by wearing ‘boy’ clothes. But some folk seem to get themselves into a right old state about boys wearing ‘girl’ clothes. Because they’re punching down. Being soft instead of tough. Fucking hell. Are we really still here with all this shit?

Show quote history

It’s about the human figure - female figure can carry more types of clothes but male figure can’t. Best looking man in the world would still look pathetic wearing a dress but an
Average looking lady wearing a 3 piece suit would look cute /cool. These are facts that you can google 👍

Emmafuller79 · 30/08/2025 00:21

LittleBitofBread · 29/08/2025 11:33

You can 'sell' something any way you like. The question remains: why is the size/style/cut considered OK for one sex but not the other?
And they don't sound inappropriate. They just ride up a bit sometimes depending on how the son is sitting.

Show quote history

Ask a fashion designer and they will tell you🙄👍