In a real predicament- think I’ve settled. Don’t fancy my DH

[Whitemochaonice]

I don’t know if I ever did.
He came along when I was lonely, feeling desperate that I would never get married, have children like my friends.
We were friends first and he was kind, caring and generous. He’s always had a good body and is a very fit and active person. He’s also very well ‘equipped’ if you get my meaning! 😂
But facially (I feel awful saying it) I just think he’s unattractive.
We had sexual chemistry when we first met and rushed into a relationship.
Our sex is still very good, but I have to keep the lights off - which I feel terrible about saying.

My Exes were good looking, two in particular were very easy on the eye and I’d fund myself staring regularly, getting butterflies etc.

I've been told I’m attractive, I had/still have lots of male attention. But for some reason I’ve always had really low self esteem and low self confidence. When I was with my exceptionally attractive ex partners, I never felt good enough and always thought they’d wake up one day and wonder what they were doing with me.
Which is sort of what happened with one but the other was an entirely different story.

I just don’t know what to do. I would feel so ridiculous to end a marriage because of this. He is a fantastic dad to our son and he supports me in everything I want to do. He’s very honest and reliable.

Oh course you’d know! You sound like the epitome of knowing what happy marriages look like 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Well I’m not as old as you, so if I ever get to your age and when you’re long gone I’ll probably look back and think yes, I do know what a happy marriage looks like ☺️

Would you have a similar life now if you were still with your good looking exes? Honestly looks fade anyway it’s about the person don’t you close your eyes when your having sex.

Poor bloke. I wonder if he knows how shallow his wife really is!

Got to retrace my steps I seem to have wandered into the shallow end👀😳

This is why I never listen to any women telling me to settle. I believe we are attracted to people for a reason and I refuse to go against that. I can't tell you what to do now, for me the good qualities outweigh the bad but as it should have been in the beginning it should be now your decision only.

You’ll have to get there first…. As you say.

Be careful a disease doesn’t get you sooner though…

😆

Old people are statically more likely to get a disease or die health related issues. So I’ll take my chances. But good luck with that.

Stay safe

Surely you've heard the phrase "you can't have everything", plus you have a child- if you were going to bail out because you don't find him attractive before having the son would have been the time, or before marrying him would have been much kinder on everyone.

So many posts along these lines recently.

If you feel like that you should do him a favour and end it. He deserves to find someone who does find him attractive, and not be subjected to what is, essentially, a sham.

Did you say that with a wicked grin and a knife behind your back? 🤣

I don't have kids 😫🫣 wtf.

Are you sure you’ve not mislaid them somewhere? 😁

Let him go @Whitemochaonice . He deserves to be with someone that see him. Not the surface shit your talking about but really sees him. Looks fade, hairlines receded, teeth fall out and waistlines grow but who you are underneath everything is always their. You think you're beautiful but your ugly in the inside.

Do you love him? You haven’t mentioned love once.

If you are happy then I’d say stay. If you aren’t then leave. Let you and your husband find someone better.

What will you do when you get with someone better looking, and you suddenly wake up when you are both 90. Are you still going to fancy him?

Have you considered the reality that "good looks" do actually fade with the aging process?
Even if you had a handsome husband but he didn't have a great personality, then once his looks faded as he got older he would not have a great personality to fall back on. Then you'd be in a crap position.
The husband you have now sounds wonderful. Concentrate and consider all his good points and keep the love making in the dark or close your eyes.

I dumped the 'good guy' for the 'attractive guy'.

Didn't work out, I'm now a solo parent... However...

I also couldn't have lived my entire life with the 'nice guy' but no attraction. He was literally the nicest man. Great family, loyal, fun, hilarious.. But i just didn't fancy him.

But then it also fizzled with the 'attractive guy' and I ended up not fancying him either

Thinking about it... Maybe it me 😂😂

Change your username, it’s sabotaging you 🤣

One of my DH’s favourite sayings, and it applies here “don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good”. Honestly, he sounds wonderful. A lot of women get caught up in the idea of the romantic ideal. I remember reading an article many years ago about mills and boon novels, saying that the story always ends once the chase is over because once the dark brooding hero becomes the reliable husband and father the excitement is gone. You are not going to find a man who gives you butterflies all day every day for the rest of your life, real life gets in the way. You can leave him in search of something better if you want, but I can almost guarantee you you’ll regret it. Another woman will see him for the catch that he is and you’ll be left with nothing. Good luck with that.

So then find someone with a gorgeous face and he turns out to be a twat with a tiny willy .... seriously nice men are in short supply it goes beyond looks eventually .
What's suddenly made you feel this way about him .

Maybe I did 🤭.

I’m not sure about this as you do need a face that you want to kiss. My DH is objectively a little unusual looking, but I love him and his is the most handsome face I could imagine. I don’t know how else to describe it.