In a real predicament- think I’ve settled. Don’t fancy my DH

[Whitemochaonice]

I don’t know if I ever did.
He came along when I was lonely, feeling desperate that I would never get married, have children like my friends.
We were friends first and he was kind, caring and generous. He’s always had a good body and is a very fit and active person. He’s also very well ‘equipped’ if you get my meaning! 😂
But facially (I feel awful saying it) I just think he’s unattractive.
We had sexual chemistry when we first met and rushed into a relationship.
Our sex is still very good, but I have to keep the lights off - which I feel terrible about saying.

My Exes were good looking, two in particular were very easy on the eye and I’d fund myself staring regularly, getting butterflies etc.

I've been told I’m attractive, I had/still have lots of male attention. But for some reason I’ve always had really low self esteem and low self confidence. When I was with my exceptionally attractive ex partners, I never felt good enough and always thought they’d wake up one day and wonder what they were doing with me.
Which is sort of what happened with one but the other was an entirely different story.

I just don’t know what to do. I would feel so ridiculous to end a marriage because of this. He is a fantastic dad to our son and he supports me in everything I want to do. He’s very honest and reliable.

@Letsgoroundagainnow Because the op said she has to have sex with the lights off… that isn’t normal is it? To suggest an open marriage is a much better suggestion than leaving him, who is otherwise a good man and husband. So yes, it is helping her a lot more than the other comments calling her shallow.

I doubt it would help the poor husband though.

I’ll have him if you don’t want him, he’ll he snapped up if you divorce

It's quite sad that despite his several amazing qualities, you still feel so negatively towards your partner, to the extent you can't bear to see his face while being intimate? If my partner ever behaved/thought like that towards/about me, I would be distraught. How have his personality and the moments you have shared not made up for his lack of traditional good looks? Because with time, it's those things that matter more and make a person more attractive than looks. Perhaps you need to introspect what is important for you in a relationship and how it is reflecting in your behaviours and review what you bring to the table too.

Like he’s likely to want that! Or does that not matter?

And an open marriage is “normal” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP can either kept the lights off, let him know and divorce, but the utter nonsense of she’s placated by having an open marriage to go shag someone better looking than you DH, is ridiculous.

Can we imagine if a husband said to his wife, sorry love I’ll stay but honestly I need to shag someone prettier or I’m off and that’ll be much worse for you!

My friend is admittedly shallow. I respect her for owning that she is. Maybe that’s something you need to do OP.

And she’s beyond shallow!

You don’t seem to have any logic or common sense do you? Open marriages are disgusting…. Why? If two people are happy to have sex outside their marriage who are you to judge? This is where your lack of logic comes in… they would mostly likely be getting divorced in anyway if one person didn’t consent to it 😆

I actually read a sad statistic that out of a large group of people of open marriages over sixty percent had one person say they did it to keep their marriage, something like eighty percent were women. It was in a magazine and there were quotes from men and women in the article. I read it around the time I started having marriage trouble and I was simultaneously sad and so angry. Saying that it made me stronger in my own life, vowing I’d never give in in a way that would take some of me in any way to keep my marriage going

Let him go, he deserves to find his true love.

Well, yeah, I was being kind. 😁 Though fuck knows why.

Absolutely!

Reading comprehension is not your strong point is it? Who said an open marriage was normal? Not me. And how to you know he won’t be open to it? I assume you don’t know the husband personally? Right.

Open marriages work for some people. It’s very narrow minded of you to think they don’t. It might not be your thing but plenty of couples are polyamorous, have kids and make it work for them. It’s better than being just another divorced couple. I suggest you be more open minded in future 😁

That was aimed at @MyGreyStork saying “stop calling her shallow”.

I mean, what else should we call her….

How do you suggest the OP approaches this with her husband?

Gotcha.

Again another one can’t read. I didn’t say stop calling her shallow 🤣🤣🤣 you guys need to go back to school.

You’re posting to the same poster……

Someone is triggered 😂😂😂 Hilarious you’re getting so worked by my comment. Maybe look at your own life and see why that is? I usually find these kind of comments come from people who know their husbands don’t find them attractive anymore. Just because you lead a boring generic life doesn’t mean other people want to be stuck in your situation.

What an awful, shallow person you are.

Same person! Keep up, you’re not very bright are you? 🤣🤣

Triggered?

Happily married for 38 years and no infidelity! What aspect of my life would you like to look at?

Your wife won’t be saying the same I’m sure.

Weirdo.

How do you suggest the OP approaches this with her husband?

Yes, I’m sure it’s a very happy marriage 😂Anyone that feels the need to declare they are happily married and no infidelity after a million years is protesting a bit too much 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Wife? I have a husband. And yes you are a major weirdo.

How shallow. You really don’t know your luck to meet a good man like him. Keep the light off.