In a real predicament- think I’ve settled. Don’t fancy my DH

[Whitemochaonice]

I don’t know if I ever did.
He came along when I was lonely, feeling desperate that I would never get married, have children like my friends.
We were friends first and he was kind, caring and generous. He’s always had a good body and is a very fit and active person. He’s also very well ‘equipped’ if you get my meaning! 😂
But facially (I feel awful saying it) I just think he’s unattractive.
We had sexual chemistry when we first met and rushed into a relationship.
Our sex is still very good, but I have to keep the lights off - which I feel terrible about saying.

My Exes were good looking, two in particular were very easy on the eye and I’d fund myself staring regularly, getting butterflies etc.

I've been told I’m attractive, I had/still have lots of male attention. But for some reason I’ve always had really low self esteem and low self confidence. When I was with my exceptionally attractive ex partners, I never felt good enough and always thought they’d wake up one day and wonder what they were doing with me.
Which is sort of what happened with one but the other was an entirely different story.

I just don’t know what to do. I would feel so ridiculous to end a marriage because of this. He is a fantastic dad to our son and he supports me in everything I want to do. He’s very honest and reliable.

There's worse issues.

Close your eyes in ecstasy. Try different positions. Role play with masks or blindfolds lol
Make a point of being grateful and noticing all the good he brings to your life
Redirect your thoughts of exes or other men and gently bring your attention back to your man and how fit and attractive he is, how he makes you feel in bed etc. Try different mood lighting rather than lights out, he may must be able to pick up on it and it's unfair.
A bit of cbt/brainwashing if you will

Well he has alot of good traits. Perhaps you can help him change his look, every face can have a better form with good advice. Lightly suggested comments, will help.

would you honestly suggest this to a man who said he can only have sex with his wife with the lights out and was talking about staring at other women, or would you hand him his arse?

My thoughts exactly
You beat me to it.

Poor dude. He should be told so he can make informed choices.

I’m sorry. That’s sounds very difficult. But, frankly, the time for realising this was before you had a son with him.

This OP sorry……

keep the lights off and FUCK him for the wonderful man he is 👍🏻 buy a kinky blindfold for you if he ever questions the lights

This is like him leaving you / not finding you attractive if you had an accident and was disfigured.
If he left you for another woman would you not be upset ?

Shallow much?
I hope if you do leave him for a man with a face you have decided is attractive then they leave you as soon as your looks fade

Empty shallow superficial reasons to be with a person only last so long.

Some people don’t have it in themselves to be content. We all know people like this, chasing waterfalls in a never ending search for the impossible dream. It’s not him, it’s you, Maybe work on yourself before pulling the plug and breaking up your family.

Suggest you read the Relationship threads and observe some of the absolute shit that many women on here are experiencing. He sounds like a good man. Looks fade.

I don't go after men with good looks specifically but chemistry is so important to me and if I don't have that then it'll be over for me. But then I have kids so...

OP, how would you feel if you split, then he started dating and was snapped up quite quickly?

Agreed

I would suggest opening up your marriage or just have sex with the lights off. If he’s great in all other departments and you’re happy then I wouldn’t leave. Or have have affairs? They work for people.

Oh give over! Don’t be so ridiculous!

Yes end the marriage your husband deserves better. You are shallow.

If a woman were on here saying these things were being said by a man about them, I cannot even begin to imagine the mass evisceration that would result from such a shallow perspective.

That said, appreciate these are your feelings but maybe question why this is the over riding factor over and beyond all the good things about this man.

He might secretly think you're not that great looking, either. Does it matter over all the other things? Only you know, I guess?

Gross!!!

I made three points, I don’t have psychic abilities to know which one you’re talking about it.

Even the most beautiful people age and become 'unattractive', and it will happen faster than you think!

Disagree, a genuinely good face tends to age well.

Triggered? Op is unhappy and she has options. Leave, stay or open marriage/affair. I’m presenting facts here.

Not triggered. Your suggestion is gross and sucks. That's all. We don't have to agree.

Maybe you are just too superficial. If there's good sexual chemistry and good sex why does it matter what his face looks like? Are you more concerned about how others judge his face? I just find it odd that your concerned about his looks when there is sexual chemistry and he ticks all the other boxes too. I think you'd be mad to leave him.

But these are her options. You don’t have to like them. But people that have affairs or leave usually do because they don’t find their spouse attractive anymore. A bit ridiculous to deny that. I never said it was a moral choice hence the open marriage suggestion.