In a real predicament- think I’ve settled. Don’t fancy my DH

[Whitemochaonice]

I don’t know if I ever did.
He came along when I was lonely, feeling desperate that I would never get married, have children like my friends.
We were friends first and he was kind, caring and generous. He’s always had a good body and is a very fit and active person. He’s also very well ‘equipped’ if you get my meaning! 😂
But facially (I feel awful saying it) I just think he’s unattractive.
We had sexual chemistry when we first met and rushed into a relationship.
Our sex is still very good, but I have to keep the lights off - which I feel terrible about saying.

My Exes were good looking, two in particular were very easy on the eye and I’d fund myself staring regularly, getting butterflies etc.

I've been told I’m attractive, I had/still have lots of male attention. But for some reason I’ve always had really low self esteem and low self confidence. When I was with my exceptionally attractive ex partners, I never felt good enough and always thought they’d wake up one day and wonder what they were doing with me.
Which is sort of what happened with one but the other was an entirely different story.

I just don’t know what to do. I would feel so ridiculous to end a marriage because of this. He is a fantastic dad to our son and he supports me in everything I want to do. He’s very honest and reliable.

Gross and cheating in a marriage is only an 'option' for gross cheaters. Open marriages are disgusting and have high rates for divorce because people realise they're a cop for sleeping around.

I'm not coming around to your gross suggestion as an 'acceptable alternative'.

Sell your wares to someone else.

I think the bigger question is do you love him- do you wait for him to get home, do you find him funny, do you love if he puts his arm around you etc etc. if you feel nothing ever then maybe it is a sign. Hope you figure it out

Take him away on a nice holiday and let him get a lovely sun tan. Always makes me fancy my DH a bit more.

Or glasses? Or perhaps a beard. Might look more distinguished. I am sure if you explain to him where you are coming from he will be happy to try a few things out.

Sounds like you are having a bit of a mid life crisis.

Poor guy, unless there is some backstory about him being an arsehole, am not really sure what you want him to do.

You don’t seem to have any logic or common sense do you? Open marriages are disgusting…. Why? If two people are happy to have sex outside their marriage who are you to judge? This is where your lack of logic comes in… they would mostly likely be getting divorced in anyway if one person didn’t consent to it 😆 you’re coming across as bitter and very narrow minded.

"Hi love, just to let you know i think your face is quite ugly, especially compared to my exes, do you fancy growing a beard, getting a tan, or maybe wearing some glasses"

I'm sure he will be delighted to take this on board.

It’s normal for physical attraction to wax and wane over the course of a marriage. I would try not to focus on it and avoid words like “settled” which come from consumerist dating culture. Focus on the good stuff and see how you go. If it’s an insurmountable problem for your marriage, you’ll know soon enough.

Why would it impact you in any way if two people mutually decide to have sex outside their marriage? How is it gross? Who is it hurting?

It's not an affair - it's agreed upon polygamy.

What's "gross" is thinking you have the right to dictate what other consenting, informed adults are allowed to do with their bodies.

I'm not dictating with my opinion. Does my opinion dictate your life? Yours is certainly not impacting mine. I think it's gross. You're not going to change my mind so don't bother.

It is a tricky one. I never loved or even fancied my first husband. I married him because I was pregnant. It was a terrible mistake, I was super relieved when we got divorced. Sadly its not that easy for you. It was easy for me because he was a horrible person and a terrible father but the marriage was a slow silent death.

The only reason you aren't dictating it is because you have no power to control people. You're not saying "I think it's gross, but live and let live" - you'd ban it if you could.

Expressing baseless opinions just makes you look ignorant.

I'm in a monogamous relationship - never been in an open relationship and don't want to be - but I'm not bigoted enough to call it "gross" just because I don't like it for me. I'm also not gay, but I'm not bigoted enough to say it's gross that someone's sex life isn't what I find attractive. I'm also not attracted to skinny men but I'm not judgemental enough to call women who do have sex with skinny men "gross". It's called having a normal level of intelligence and awareness.

I feel sorry for your husband he deserves better. Of course be attracted to someone but looks fade

Move on. We won't agree. If you feel judged, look inside yourself for why that might be. Have a good one 👍

I think he's the one who's settled by the sound of your stinking attitude!

Blimey. You rate yourself don't you OP?
I hope he sees this, puts two and two together and leaves you to find someone better for himself.

Judging by this persons posting history, her marriage isn’t doing so well… fair to say she is indeed projecting.

In this relationship i would suggest your DH is the catch and you are incredibly lucky. It doesnt sound like he has changed in his appearance and in fact it sounds like he makes big efforts to look after himself.

Men tend to age well. What would you say if he started making comments in a few years time if a few wrinkles start appearing for you and maybe he should look elsewhere?

@Tessasanderson well she doesn’t find him attractive so I doubt she’ll really care. Means she doesn’t have to have sex with the lights off with him anymore.

I think you should leave him. Life is too short to be with someone who can't even bear to look at you while you're having sex. Hope your husband finds better and you get the man you deserve.

Last post to you out of courtesy and maybe a life lesson you haven't had yet: I don't compromise on principles in my private or professional life.

If someone compromises on principles, they don't have any principles.

This knowledge may serve you at some point in your life.

Genuinely wish you the best.

Syphilis got you angry and hallucinating?????

Has celibacy got you angry and hallucinating?