To ask, politely, and seriously, if you are in your 50s, what do you look like naked?

[Dontfuckingsaycheese]

Hi.
I’ll cut to the chase. I’m 55 and single (happily for the last 15 years or so).
This year, following a rather exciting reboot, I decided to try online dating and I have been having a lot of fun. Met a few nice men. No nasty ones 🙂 I have also fallen in love with my body again and have lost over 3 stone so now just over 9.5 stone.
I am amazed at how good this 55 year-old body looks, FROM SOME ANGLES AND IN SOME POSITIONS. I’ve been making a few videos and stills and I can look damn 🔥
However, I am alarmed how I look, mainly from the front, if I lean forward. Everything prunes, falls and elongates, and it’s scary!! I have met a man online who I am absolutely obsessed by. For a few reasons, it’s been a few months and we haven’t met yet. We’re due to meet up next month. He’s seen some pics and videos of me and loved them, but of course, I’ve been able to carefully curate them. I don’t want him to be disappointed in how bits of me look. I feel like I should warn him in some way. I know it shouldn’t matter, and he should like me as a person, but things have been tres flirty and I’m very keen to make it physical 😉 I feel like just explaining I’m aware there’s parts of me that are a bit time-ravaged. He’s a little older than me, so wondering if it’s the same for him… So he’ll understand I mean, and not run for the hills. I’m thinking of explaining this in terms of wanting to feel confident in bed, so it may be that, at times maybe I may wish to wear a top or something…
I’m wondering how others feel, any pearls of wisdom, advice, reassurance, amusing anecdotes to make me feel better… 🤔

All those posts but no one asked, why in months you haven't met up and a meet up is still another month away?

Taking the photos could end up anywhere - he’s a bloody messer who can’t be arsed to meet you in months.

he’s a future faker. If he wanted to meet you he would.

Putting it around 🙄🙄 and why shouldn't she?!

*obsessed WITH
😤

My guess is he's married.
It's not usual to talk only for months, unless for example he's working overseas and there is simply no way he can come back here for a weekend, in which case he could suggest you met him where he is.

If you were my friend I'd tell you kindly to stop being so bloody stupid.
First because you have built up a fantasy about a man online. He may not be what you think if you ever meet. Of course he likes the nude pics you have sent him. He thinks he's died and gone to heaven! You're his free porn.

Secondly, no man will be turned off by any wobbly bits if they like you as a person and are 'passable' at least.

But the main issue here is you are so obsessed with a man you have never set eyes on.

re the ‘warning him’ I used to do a lot of public speaking and my old mentor said something that changed how I show up in the world:

’Never apologise for your work before you start’ because subconsciously people start looking for the ‘weaknesses’ you’re pointing out to them. Glide in with confidence and people are more forgiving when things go wrong because they already have a positivity bias.

I've just asked, earlier today before you raised this, and it's red flag!

He's married or just enjoying the nude pics.

I’ve seen some lovely and some not so lovely comments on here. I’d like to say, life can be short and you don’t know what’s round the corner. Do whatever makes you happy. Yes, maybe a little caution in this age of digital extortion but honestly, if it makes you happy that’s what matters. In regards to body confidence. I’m mid 50s and workout and do weight (and always have) but it ain’t stopped the natural aging process! I don’t see ‘me’ when I look in the mirror anymore. I’m slowly adapting to that image. If the man you’re meeting is of a similar age he probably is experiencing the same issues.

My advice is ‘do it lady!’ and enjoy every minute. 🧡

I get to call myself late 50s.
I think my body is pretty awesome, actually.
Face not so great (too much sun) and boobs sag but I am nearly 60...cellulite in places but cellulite was there when I was 20 too.

Are there guys out there in late 50s with awesome bodies, too? Where do I find one?

Also helps if they are brilliant at DIY ( because I suck at it), mechanically repairing bicycles (also suck at that). My ex ticked those last 2 boxes but he was intolerant arrogant sod so I request brilliant kindness instead next time.

Relationships, just ugh. They always sour. OP may feel safer not knowing the truth if this one has any future. Hope with a little anxiety is much funner than disappointment. Fantasy > Reality.

On the topic of OLD, I'm convinced most women understate their fat & most men overstate their height.

Usually it's because they're married and bored. They go on the apps to find some stupid, naive middle aged woman, who'll be flattered by the attention, to amuse themselves with. They have no intention of ever meeting up, hence the months of talking and never meeting.

Forget your body, it’s secondary.

The most important thing is to like yourself from within and have a strong quiet confidence in yourself.

I don’t think you’re quite there yet.

Stretch marks, scars and loose skin are their beautiful milestones marking their many years together. I don’t get that benefit.
People who see me and my partner on the street probably think this about us, that we've been together forever, and that the teenager with us is ours. But they're wrong. We met when I was 47 and he was 50. But we are both smart enough to appreciate the other's milestones even though we were not there at the time.

I’m wondering how others feel, any pearls of wisdom, advice, reassurance, amusing anecdotes to make me feel better…
My advice from a few years of OLD is the same as everyone else's: you don't know who they are until you meet them, and even then it may take a while to find out who they really are. It's fine if you just want a bit of sex and some fun dates - that was my main aim, too - as long as you don't have an issue with them potentially using you to prove something to themself or their mates, for instance.

The good men were snapped up quickly and met up quickly, they also didn't ask for photos or videos.

This.

I'd meet up ASAP if I were you OP. This month, not next. Ideally this week or next. You have no idea who he is until you actually meet him.

I'm wishing you well so I do hope that he does actually meet up and he is who he says he is.

But I find it difficult to believe that a decent honest man would ask for, or accept, photos or videos online from a woman he has never met.

All the best.

The good men were snapped up quickly and met up quickly, they also didn't ask for photos or videos.

That’s very much the case. We met via OLD in 1997. He thought he was going to have a couple of years of shagging around - then I came along and spoilt it!

you sound like you have let yourself go

Where have you gone?

That's very true op.

But that problem has also been exacerbated by the way you've played this.

You have front footed this relationship by making it all about the physical. Had you let him get to know you in person before sending nude pics, you'd have gone some way toward generating a bit more respect for who you are as a person, not how your bottom looks unclad.

Also, spending time with someone with clothes on is a softer way of introducing what the bits underneath might look like. The odd forward-flop-prune of things when clothed gives an inkling, as does the swell of a belly under a t-shirt or the back of your hands, say, or a side profile of a softening jawline, which is all much less embarrassing than immediately revealing tennis balls in hockey socks.

when people know you, it directs the intense focus away from the physical so that there IS more of this "benefit" of affection you claim. It's why in Jane Austen Mrs Bennet wasn't dragging her daughters to the Netherfield ball in the nude, and Henry VIII wasn't sent a portrait of Anne of Cleves that showcased her vulva - notwithstanding their relative bodily youth.. Phased Reveal is the way ... not full monty before you've even met

You want other men to find you attractive? Why? If your husband does and most importantly, you do, why does it matter if another man finds you attractive or not.

If you choose to wax, nails, 'sexy' dresses etc that's absolutely fine and great that that's what makes you happy, but if someone doesn't dress like that or wax, or whatever, it doesn't mean they've 'let themselves go'. Perhaps that's not what they need to feel attractive themselves.

And it's still not wise to be sending videos of yourself to some random fella online.

So wise @Calliopespa.

Love the way you write @Calliopespa !

Sorry, I missed it.
Why would any woman send free porn to a stranger? Not only is he married or in prison, he's a tight wad too.
It's so grubby, that OP should be working on her boundaries, not her body. God only knows where the pics and videos are now, but maybe that's the turn on.

He’s not some random guy. He is a guy I met online who I’ve been communicating with over the last few months, getting to know a bit about and letting him get to know me a bit. So far I have liked this communication, and how he comes across.

Wake up and get real, for your own sake.
This screams ‘married, bored, never intends to meet’ to me.
I’m afraid you’re in for a big let-down if you believe in this guy.

If he wanted to meet you in person, he would have by now. He’s getting enough from the pics and videos you send for his wankbank. He isn’t interested in meeting.

I really, really don't get this @Dontfuckingsaycheese

I'm older than you are OP and have had friends (incl men) who have done OLD. So I'm not totally out of touch.

You come over as articulate but I can't begin to understand why, if an unknown man met online asks for nude pics, you said 'Okay mate, here you are!'

Seriously what were you thinking of?

I doubt if this is the case here, but fraudsters can use AI to impersonate themselves. There are cases of financial/ romance scams where men use AI generated photos / videos and dub them with their own voices - or even a fake voice.

Why have you only talked for months?
Have you never pushed him on this and just silently accepted that he's not available?

If he thinks you're so hot, he'd have walked over broken glass to get to you.
Even if he was a man who worked away (ie month on, month off somewhere) that doesn't explain the months and months of talking.

He's leading you a merry dance and you've fallen for it.

Rather than getting yourself worked up over what he will like or not like about your body, you should be looking long and hard at why he's not moving heaven and earth to see you in the flesh.