To have gone from a people-pleaser to the complete opposite

[Coffeeicedcake]

For all of my life, I've tried to fall in with what others want, keep everyone happy, not rock the boat etc - until now, in my early 50s, it's like I've had a personality change. I speak my mind more, suit myself more and what I actually want. I think I used to want to be liked... now, I couldn't care less, although I'm still pleasant and polite to others.

Anyone else have a personality makeover like this?

Yup. Totally. Zero fs to give. I think it’s the menopause.

I’m getting there, still some work needed but in a better place than I was. I’m 45.
For anyone that actually worked on this, what did you do? I do hope I just wake up one day with no fucks given

I actually didn't work on it... it just seemed to happen!

It’s called peri/menopause. You no longer give a fuck. And are quite happy to tell people that as well.

Are you peri? It's awesome.
Even with HRT for the hot flushes, you still keep the 'I don't give a fuck about your nonsense' attitude.

I keep getting comments like 'you don't sound very sympathetic' from adult dc or disgruntled older relatives surprised when I don't respond in agreement. Less good at work though, I do need to keep SOME allies 😬

I’ve always been straight and upfront but would try and rein it in but now I just say it as it is with zero fucks given. If people like me fine, if they don’t that’s ok too

People pleaser since primary school. Post menopausal now and couldn’t give a shit if I’m cut off, cut out, dumped. Chances are I never liked you anyway. My sister is the same. Too old to care less. Rather be left the fuck alone.

The beauty of ageing.

Giving zero fucks. (Or close to zero!)

I am almost 60, and I don't care about wearing much make up either, or being 9 stone, or having my hair done every other week, or having a new car, or a swanky house with expensive furniture and gadgets. I have a £99 smartphone. Fuck Apple! I have nothing that is Apple! Overpriced and overrated IMO. IDGAF what people think about me. No-one cares what I think about them LOL. Why should I care what THEY think? 😆

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Yep. Came with age, with peri, but also realising I was basically a massive liar. No-one could trust what I was saying because I just said what I thought they wanted to hear. I’m much happier now and feel like I live with more integrity.

Me too. I'm 50. It's amazing!

By the time you reach your forties, your field of fucks will start to become less fruitful. It won't be long before you will be able to shout -
"Behold - my field of fucks lies fallow. I have zero fucks to give!"

This made me laugh out loud... exactly how I'm feeling too

@Coffeeicedcake ooh yes, I could have written this!

So I’m in Peri at ripe old age of 52 and a life long people pleaser and over thinker of every social interaction where I’d worry about how I said any and everything to everyone. A big symptom of peri other than erratic periods has been an achy body and huuuge dip in energy. This has coincided with me putting my own needs first. Funny thing is I don’t think I consciously decided to change like this. I think my body and so brain had somehow realised that the energy levels are such that a sort of organic self-preservation has kicked in.

Same.

Mumsnet and menopause radicalised me.

One day we'll all just wake up and realise nobody actually gave a f#@k anyway. 😆

It’s so liberating to just say “no, I’m not doing that” or “ no I don’t want to”. It’s a bloody revelation!

It’s a hormone thing. It’ll happen naturally.

Yup. My favourite current phrase is
Not my circus, not my monkeys

DH rolls his eyes every time 😂

Definitely some benefits to this peri shit!

@NewYorkSummer I just usually think “crack on”

Oh yes! With a very serene smile on my face!

Yep I’m 100% the same….the menopause took away all my “ layers” and now I’m just very straightforward…never ever horrible to people, still polite, friendly, chatty etc but talk about nought to fuck off in 3 seconds these days ! So you’re not alone xx

@NewYorkSummer Oh yes. So serene it’s bordering on smug…

Definitely an age thing with me. Not menopause, as I went into meno in my early 20s unfortunately and was still a people pleaser until late 40s.

Suddenly got to almost 50, having had a lifetime of people's shit, and thought, NOPE! No is a complete sentence, as the MN saying goes. I won't pander anymore, CF'S can fuck right off. This past year has been great 😂

Yes. I put it down to peri, but it might be age. I don't like people as much as I used to tbh. I've witnessed too much.