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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse a boob job after DH said mine are “wrecked” post DC4?

520 replies

Hoistraft · 28/08/2025 18:21

bit of background first. ive just had DC4 about 6 weeks ago. total shock, was on the pill and it failed. tbh DH wasnt exactly over the moon about it, hes been a bit grumpy about the whole thing and weve been snapping at each other more than usual. im knackered, breastfeeding round the clock, house looks like a bomb site and i dont even know what day it is half the time.

so yesterday i was getting changed and he just comes out with “you should think about getting your boobs done, they’re a bit wrecked now after 4 kids”. i laughed it off at first but then he said he was serious and that “it would be good for both of us” if i sorted them. he keeps saying he’s only being honest and that it’s not a big deal these days.

i feel really rubbish now. yes theyre not what they were at 20 but i grew and fed 4 children with them and atm i actually think my body deserves a medal not a surgeon. im exhausted, hormonal and the last thing on my mind is cosmetic surgery. but part of me is wondering if im letting myself go and maybe hes right?

AIBU to flat out refuse or is it selfish to just expect him to accept me as i am now?

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 28/08/2025 20:06

Dodeedoo · 28/08/2025 19:50

He’s a cunt

Couldn't have put it better myself!

thepariscrimefiles · 28/08/2025 20:09

EsmeSusanOgg · 28/08/2025 19:54

He has heard of condoms and vasectomies right?

OP has said:

'lots of you saying vasectomy and yes 100%. i’ve mentioned it before (after DC3 actually) and he just sort of laughed it off like “nah, not for me”.'

He couldn't sound worse if he tried.

KeenSnail · 28/08/2025 20:11

I would love to see his reaction if you suggested something similar… ‘six pack implants?’ Liposuction?
Please do it for his PERSPECTIVE

PotatoLove · 28/08/2025 20:11

Tell him to get a Cock Job. What a twat.

Falseknock · 28/08/2025 20:12

FenderStrat · 28/08/2025 18:24

He's fucking vile.
Insult his cock.

You should add "I am only being honest small dick".

housebrick · 28/08/2025 20:13

Tell him you'll have a boob job after he's had his dick chopped off.

He may not show signs of aging and life yet - but he will, we all do.

lotsofpatience · 28/08/2025 20:13

Is he going to pay for it? Otherwise he can fuck off.

ChaliceinWonderland · 28/08/2025 20:13

You've posted before. I'm sorry for you. Why even waste your time typing this ? You know what you have to do. Tell him to get a cock transplant then hand him the baby and formula and go for a rest afterwards at your mum's.

Allergictoironing · 28/08/2025 20:14

Forgot to add earlier - the "good for both of us" comment. He clearly doesn't realise that many women have altered (not for the better) sensation in the nipple area or even lose all sensation there. So how would THAT be better for you?

Matildahoney · 28/08/2025 20:15

Tell him to get a vasectomy and a penis enlargement at the same time!

Early3Rise · 28/08/2025 20:15

I'm genuinely so sorry you have to put up with someone who thinks that way.

He wants you to go through an anesthetic and surgery and recovery and risk complications, because of what society has told him breasts should look like.

It's disgusting and he needs to wise up.

Enjoy your little baba OP, and ignore your idiot DH. Hopefully he backtracks soon, once he realises how moronic he is being

Conniebygaslight · 28/08/2025 20:18

Hoistraft · 28/08/2025 19:14

wow i didn’t expect so many replies, thank you all so much for taking the time. ive read every single one and honestly it’s like a weight lifted seeing so many people say im not being unreasonable.

lots of you saying vasectomy and yes 100%. i’ve mentioned it before (after DC3 actually) and he just sort of laughed it off like “nah, not for me”. well maybe it bloody should be for him seeing as the pill clearly isn’t foolproof and i’m the one carrying the consequences. i’m tempted to actually bring it up tonight and say if he wants to talk about surgery “for both of us” then he can go first.

the comment definitely wasn’t a slip of the tongue. i think some of you are right that he’s angry/resentful about DC4 and taking it out on me in these little digs. it hurts more than i realised because i’ve been brushing them off for months but it’s not normal to feel this chipped away at all the time, is it?

i don’t want implants. i don’t even want to think about surgery. i just want him to respect me and maybe, i don’t know, say thank you for growing his kids instead of picking at my body.

i’ve got a lot to think about but honestly, reading these replies, i feel a bit stronger already.

Men who refuse vasectomies without good medical reason are misogynistic arseholes….that’s without suggesting the mother of their children have breast implants. So sorry you’re married to this horrible man.

Heello · 28/08/2025 20:18

Perhaps tell him, you get a personality transplant and it’s a deal!

I think it’s especially inappropriate of him to say that when your baby is only 6 weeks old and you’re breast feeding.

I wouldn’t suggest that to anyone unless they’d complained to me themselves about it, then I might suggest it as a possible solution.

Though it’s actually really expensive in the U.K as well.

I know this as I’ve been looking on and off at the prices for years thinking about getting the surgery myself.

So under the right circumstances I’d consider it myself, but would never suggest it to someone else uninvited, and you’re breast feeding a 6 week old baby which is even worse circumstances.

There’s always the thought that cosmetic surgery can in some cases be risky too.

But another reason I wouldn’t say it is because it could dent someone’s confidence.

This is why I’d be wary about going out with a man that was superficial or thought he was really good looking.

I suppose it’s one thing to suggest things people can control for health reasons, e.g healthy eating if it’ll improve their health, but a breast augmentation is purely superficial, expensive, there’s always a slight risk with plastic surgery that something could go wrong and it wouldn’t be appropriate while you’re breast feeding.

Perhaps you could tell him that your breasts are doing their job at the moment.

I’m sure they’re no worse than a lot of people’s, mine included, and he’s just being superficial.

I hope you can rise above it.

I hope other than his cruel personality, he’s perfect himself…

Justgorgeous · 28/08/2025 20:18

Tell him his cock looks like a walnut whip. Seriously, speaking to you like that 6 weeks post-partum is horrendous. It’s not acceptable at any point.

Pastaandoranges · 28/08/2025 20:21

Omg what a prick.
I hope this is a one off lack of judgement comment due to the stress of a new baby, sleepless nights and having three other DC. I would actually be asking for an apology if a were you and then seeing if he continues to be an arse or not.

wrongthinker · 28/08/2025 20:22

He's a dickhead.

Borgonzola · 28/08/2025 20:22

Tell him to get fucked

and get a vasectomy while he’s at it

PigletSanders · 28/08/2025 20:23

Apocketfilledwithposies · 28/08/2025 18:25

Good for both of us.

Fucking hell. 😡😡😡

Just when I think I can't see a shittier husband or partner comment on a mn post another comes along.

Absolutely. The men on here disgust me to my core.

Telling his wife, who gave birth six fucking weeks ago, that her breasts are ‘wrecked’, before trying to use shame to coerce her into a tit job, is despicable.

Utter, utter cunt.

Robin67 · 28/08/2025 20:25

FFS @Justgorgeous, now you have ruined walnut whips for me. I rarely have them, and they are absolutely not my favourite. But now I will be unable to imagine anything other than OP's minging husband's minging penis if i am ever offered one.

KatyaKat · 28/08/2025 20:25

Therapee · 28/08/2025 18:27

What. An. Utter. Cunt.

Can't say it better than this really. How dare he?

Justgorgeous · 28/08/2025 20:27

Robin67 · 28/08/2025 20:25

FFS @Justgorgeous, now you have ruined walnut whips for me. I rarely have them, and they are absolutely not my favourite. But now I will be unable to imagine anything other than OP's minging husband's minging penis if i am ever offered one.

Sorry ! 😂

Flamingfeline · 28/08/2025 20:31

I feel really angry about this comment on your behalf. In your last post you said something like “I’m not sure whether I like what it’s telling me about him”. It’s for you to consider and decide how you move forward and it’s great to know that you’ve gained strength from the support here. Perhaps he has in fact done you a favour in that you now realise you’ve got options!
I breastfed three and my two daughters have breastfed five babies between them. Eight amazing human beings! Pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding changed our bodies, some changes are temporary and some stick around for longer. But we have always been proud of what our bodies have achieved. How a man can speak in this nasty, cruel way to the beautiful mother of his baby is just horrible in fact I can’t even find the words to describe it.
You are a fantastic, exhausted, amazing, slightly and temporarily battered and wonderful woman, partner and mother …. and he is someone to whom you may decide to give another chance!

Hesma · 28/08/2025 20:34

You are 6 weeks PP FFS! Ignore him, he’s a knob and don’t worry about the house being a mess, you have a lot going on right now… sending you a hug

Microwavable · 28/08/2025 20:37

Ugh. If a partner had said this to me, in that way, at any stage of our life together, let alone 6 weeks post-partum and still breastfeeding, my boobs and every other part of my body would immediately become completely unavailable to him for the foreseeable future, thus making his assessment of the standard of my boobs a moot point.

Can't believe he's said this shit thing to you, OP. Agree with other posters, he needs a pithy summary of all the ways in which his own body deviates from porn norms. Plus he needs to organise a cleaner.

Tuesdayschild50 · 28/08/2025 20:40

FenderStrat · 28/08/2025 18:24

He's fucking vile.
Insult his cock.

😂🤣😂🤣