To refuse a boob job after DH said mine are “wrecked” post DC4?

[Hoistraft]

bit of background first. ive just had DC4 about 6 weeks ago. total shock, was on the pill and it failed. tbh DH wasnt exactly over the moon about it, hes been a bit grumpy about the whole thing and weve been snapping at each other more than usual. im knackered, breastfeeding round the clock, house looks like a bomb site and i dont even know what day it is half the time.

so yesterday i was getting changed and he just comes out with “you should think about getting your boobs done, they’re a bit wrecked now after 4 kids”. i laughed it off at first but then he said he was serious and that “it would be good for both of us” if i sorted them. he keeps saying he’s only being honest and that it’s not a big deal these days.

i feel really rubbish now. yes theyre not what they were at 20 but i grew and fed 4 children with them and atm i actually think my body deserves a medal not a surgeon. im exhausted, hormonal and the last thing on my mind is cosmetic surgery. but part of me is wondering if im letting myself go and maybe hes right?

AIBU to flat out refuse or is it selfish to just expect him to accept me as i am now?

Raise your standards OP. Are you seriously asking whether you should have unnecessary surgery because your utter prick of a husband wants fake perky breasts. Honestly, this would mean divorce for me. Mumsnet amazes me every day, the shit people put up with in relationships and why on earth they don't instead choose to be single blows my mind. Your husband is a foul misogynist, he disgusts me.

Love this story!

No, you’re not being selfish to not have surgery to your body to please him. He’s selfish (massive understatement) for suggesting such a thing.

He’s a cunt

How dare he?!

This.

I admire your restraint in the circumstances tbh, I would have beaten him with a frying pan

Every general anaesthetic and surgery comes with risk so it’s not good for both of you, it’s good for him. He’s prepared to risk your health for his selfish desires. What a complete and utter twat.

What total knob comments on a woman's.body when she is 6 weeks postpartum?

Jesus Christ, the NERVE of the man! Unforgivable.

As others have said far more eloquently than me, this is an outrageous kick in the teeth after giving him 4 children, especially given that the youngest is so tiny. I highly doubt it'll be an isolated insult, too - I'm certain there'll be a lot more along the same lines when you have the headspace to think about it. Nobody is that thoughtless once while being useful and loving the rest of the time. He's a misogynistic twat who is clearly angry at you for getting yourself pregnant (or for actually having the baby, perhaps) and does not deserve you.

My ducks are fuming over here and lining up to inspire yours when they're ready. 🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆

The frog in boiling water analogy is SO true in these circumstances - we're just so busy and tired looking after everyone else, we think there's no alternative to being treated like shit. There is, and one day you may well want to explore that. In the meantime, look after yourself and your babies and tell him from all of us to get to fuck.

Omg that's a disgraceful thing to say. I'd say that him having a personality transplant would be more beneficial 'for the both of us'.

He has heard of condoms and vasectomies right?

Inconsiderate, mysogyanistic hatful twat !.

I'd honestly show him this thread.

Wow. How dare he. Has he said anything that hurtful to you before? The absolute audacity. I’m sure you’d love a great big swinging dick that lasted hours but you aren’t asking him to go and fix that, are you? He has got some serious grovelling to do, that is absolutely appalling. I hope you show him these comments and he realises how much of a cunt he is.

Not a nice thing to say.

So what if they’ve changed shape from how they were. Whether they’re hanging down to your knees or whatever doesn’t matter. Like you say, you’ve kept 4 children alive with them and you are rightly proud of yourself i’d hope!

Tell him to jog on.

Cosmetic surgery is something for you, if and when you decide to have it or not and 6 weeks after having a baby is not the time to be stressing over a comment like that. I’m sure you look great.

OP, you sound amazing. Your instincts are really strong. I’m so impressed with you for finding the mental energy to recognise that this was not okay, even though you are at one of life’s most exhausting points. Big supportive thoughts to you and the babies your body awesomely created 🥹

Inadequate. Lorena Bobbitt the piece of shit .

OP he’s a twat. And what’s with ‘it would be good for both of us’ ? What he means is that he doesn’t consider your breasts as being a means of providing nutrition to your babies, just playthings for him.

I’d be telling him that that one comment has rammed home that he doesn’t see you as his wife and the mother of his children, but an object to be tweaked and changed according to his specifications. And that’s marriage ending. And if he wasn’t too happy about the pregnancy, ask him what he intends to do to prevent child number five.

I actually have no words. What a complete fool. Ask him what he’s planning to do about his belly and receding, he’s looking wrecked.

Your DH is an utter shit,

Op I am furious for you. Where do you live and il come and tell him what a twatstard he is 😡 I would have to really tell him my thoughts if I was you. Even send him a message so you can get it all of your chest without the kids hearing. What a horrible vile husband. Xx

Oh wow, super duper mega fuck him! I cannot tell you how incensed I would be if my DH said this (not that he would, coz he's not an arsehole?).

Also, absolutely agree about the medal - huge well done to you for breastfeeding four kids, it's bloody hard work.

I’d be raging if DH said something like that to me. What a horrible thing to say.

What am I reading. Are we in The Twilight Zone?