To refuse a boob job after DH said mine are “wrecked” post DC4?

[Hoistraft]

bit of background first. ive just had DC4 about 6 weeks ago. total shock, was on the pill and it failed. tbh DH wasnt exactly over the moon about it, hes been a bit grumpy about the whole thing and weve been snapping at each other more than usual. im knackered, breastfeeding round the clock, house looks like a bomb site and i dont even know what day it is half the time.

so yesterday i was getting changed and he just comes out with “you should think about getting your boobs done, they’re a bit wrecked now after 4 kids”. i laughed it off at first but then he said he was serious and that “it would be good for both of us” if i sorted them. he keeps saying he’s only being honest and that it’s not a big deal these days.

i feel really rubbish now. yes theyre not what they were at 20 but i grew and fed 4 children with them and atm i actually think my body deserves a medal not a surgeon. im exhausted, hormonal and the last thing on my mind is cosmetic surgery. but part of me is wondering if im letting myself go and maybe hes right?

AIBU to flat out refuse or is it selfish to just expect him to accept me as i am now?

I agree with this.
He has really shown himself up for what he is.
Honestly OP I don't see how your marriage can recover now you know how little he cares about you.

I’m so sorry, that was so hurtful and I completely agree with you that you deserve a medal.

I had some cosmetic surgery a few years ago, a tummy tuck - which was an optional add on to some actually medically necessary surgery I was having. It sounds so appealing, a nip and a tuck and make it all tidy. Despite being a slim size 8, all the cosmetic surgeon saw was my age and many flaws and tried to upsell me to liposuction. It was a really gruelling 12 week recovery that saw my husband and mum take on the bulk of my family responsibilities. It made me realise that these cosmetic surgeries are far more full on than magazines would have us believe and it totally put me off having anything else done. I don’t regret it as such as I was on the operating table anyway but I would never choose to go back.

I think you should tell DH that he doesn’t need to worry about ever seeing your boobs again so it doesn’t affect him.

If it makes you feel any better, my picture perfect natural 36 DD’s (like seriously they could have made me a fortune on Onlyfans if I had been so inclined 🤑😂) couldn’t get it together and produce any milk when I was trying to breastfeed and have now given me cancer (2 separate tumours in fact just to be greedy!) so ill be being booked in for a double mastectomy (I have BRCA1 gene) as they have not only not done what they were designed for, but have now tried to kill me, so they can well and truly get in the bin.

Yours are amazing no matter what they look like 🥰

Your Not So Dear Husband, seems like another candidate for said bin 🗑️ 🤮

Tell him to watch a few episodes of "Botched". 2 top plastic surgeons in the USA who now spend nearly all their time correcting major problems caused by plastic surgery.

A boob job isn't just a case of a quick slice with a scalpel and pop the bags in, it's major surgery. Whereas a vasectomy is a quick in and out on the same day under a local anaesthetic taking about 15 minutes, boob job must be under general and can take hours. You would be in hospital for a few days and recovery can take weeks. You would have permanent scars under the boobs and around the areolae however good your surgeon is.

It also costs between £4-8k in the UK, and only an idiot goes abroad for a cheaper operation - there's a reason it's cheaper in some countries including less skilled surgeons and very poor aftercare.

His behaviour is disgusting. Your boobs have fed four children, what does he is expect? He sounds like a teenager and not a man

Absolutely this!

Twat. If anyone should be having surgery it should be him having a vasectomy!

thank you again everyone, really appreciate all the kindness (and the humour too, some of these are brutal but in the best way 😅). it’s strange, i felt so small and embarrassed when he said it but reading your replies i feel more like “hang on, i’ve done nothing wrong here”.

you’re right, the timing says it all doesn’t it? six weeks postpartum, sore, tired, milk everywhere, and he decides that’s the moment to cut me down. i can’t wrap my head round why you’d do that to someone you love unless you wanted them to feel shit.

to the poster who said my body deserves a medal - thank you. that made me cry (in a good way). 4 kids in and yes, i am knackered and stretched and saggy in places, but i also grew and birthed actual humans. that should count for something.

and the point about cosmetic surgery recovery is so true - he wouldn’t even cope for a weekend alone with all 4 DC, let alone me being out of action for weeks.

i think the hardest bit is realising this isn’t just about boobs, it’s about how he sees me. and i’m not sure i like what that’s showing me atm.

I suppose he’s probably relaxed about surgery though, given he’s the world’s first fucking brain donor.

Oh my god. I am so sorry you have been subjected to this cruel remark. What a horrible, horrible man.

If you didn't have 4 children, I'd tell you to up and leave immediately. But I understand you are in a vulnerable situation and it isn't easy when you have children.

I really hope that when the time is right, you can leave him and find someone who loves every inch of you. You deserve it. I'm so sorry.

Just when you thought your mind could no longer be boggled.

Oh candy. Big hugs to you.

Horrendous thing to say, especially when you've just given birth. I would be considering whether what he said is part of a pattern of behaviour and if so would very seriously consider leaving him. 💐

Urgh tell him to fuck off. I had my boobs done when I was 18. 10 years later after two dc (didnt breastfeed), they look horrendous. Droopy and you can see the rippling from the implant.

Personally I would love for a DP to pay for a new pair but that’s because I was stupid and young when I got them done and didn’t consider that they should be changed every 10. I regret getting them done now.

I would be suggesting he uses the money for a hair transplant or cock enlargement surgery.

I suspect that he is punishing you for having gotten pregnant in the first place (because in his mind it's your fault somehow), or for not having a termination. You, despite the challenges of an unexpected 4th child, are just getting on with it. But he is pissed off and resentful and needs for you to be upset in order for him to feel better. He sounds like a tosser of the highest order. I hope he gets over himself and grows up soon. Don't do anything to your body that you don't believe you need.

Ask him to lose weight, get an abdominoplasty, bulk- up or get a facelift and see how he likes it. If he is literally physically perfect, recommend a personality transplant.

Wow, you literally grow, birthed and fed four children. I hope it's himself he's cross with for spaffing himself so much. And if anyone needs their tits chopped up it's him.

You commented up thread op that you love him, I would write down maybe exactly what you love about him right now. Not memories. Not how he used to be. Not how you want him to be.

I can get the negative list started from what you’ve told us tonight:

1. misogynist
2. views women as sex objects
3. cruel
4. nasty
5. selfish
6. unsupportive
7. a useless parent if he can’t look after his own children solo for one weekend

Congrats on your new baby.

Hope when you talk to him it goes well.

I’d love a man to go through birth. Just one man. Once.

I think this is what I would say to him and then get himself some serious therapy for being a total and utter dick

Have you suggested a hair transplant?
He sounds awful and unfortunately it looks as if you're stuck with him for the time being.

@candyflossbabe wishing you well for your surgery and any other treatment.

Fucking appalling.

Where is he getting this from? Too much Love Island? Do his friends have surgically enhanced wives?

Friend was given a surprise 40th birthday present from her husband. A boob job after 3 DC. She went ahead as was a SAHM and worshipped the ground he walked on.
It gave her loads of confidence, she got a great job and her own money. She realised what a twat he is and divorced him.
Karma!

ETA - your DH is an inconsiderate twat. He is at fault for not having a vasectomy. Please do not accept these vile comments and fight back.

Is he 14? Tell him to fuck off. And get the snip