To refuse a boob job after DH said mine are “wrecked” post DC4?

[Hoistraft]

bit of background first. ive just had DC4 about 6 weeks ago. total shock, was on the pill and it failed. tbh DH wasnt exactly over the moon about it, hes been a bit grumpy about the whole thing and weve been snapping at each other more than usual. im knackered, breastfeeding round the clock, house looks like a bomb site and i dont even know what day it is half the time.

so yesterday i was getting changed and he just comes out with “you should think about getting your boobs done, they’re a bit wrecked now after 4 kids”. i laughed it off at first but then he said he was serious and that “it would be good for both of us” if i sorted them. he keeps saying he’s only being honest and that it’s not a big deal these days.

i feel really rubbish now. yes theyre not what they were at 20 but i grew and fed 4 children with them and atm i actually think my body deserves a medal not a surgeon. im exhausted, hormonal and the last thing on my mind is cosmetic surgery. but part of me is wondering if im letting myself go and maybe hes right?

AIBU to flat out refuse or is it selfish to just expect him to accept me as i am now?

@Hoistraft I’m really so sorry OP. That must be really hard to hear from the person who is supposed to love you no matter what.

I have had 3 kids (1 via emergency c section so ended up with a pouch) and also breastfed them. If my husband had talked to me this way I’m not sure how I would have reacted.

Just for absolute clarity conversations with your partner about your body should go something like this:

Wife: “ I hate my baby pouch I really want to have a tummy tuck”
husband: “ your body made (insert number of babies) humans stop finding things that are wrong with it. You are beautiful and I love you and I wouldn’t change anything - but it’s up to you it’s your body”.

I've reported, suggest you do as well

8: Dumb as dog shit, since he clearly blames his wife for getting pregnant, but also thinks she should go under the knife to be sexier for him - this moron doesn’t realise he may never have sex again.
9: a pathetic wimpy hypocritical little coward, since he won’t go for a vasectomy

Oh my god ..what the hell ..
What an utter selfish thoughtless p*ick .
You are amazing muma,you birthed 4 actual humans,could he do that ,like hell he could .
He would never get near my body again,or see it naked again after a comment like that

Tell him his ball bag needs a nip and tuck, and that would be good for "Both" of you.
Congrats on your new baby.💐

Hope you’re ok, OP.

4 DC? He should be worshipping the ground you walk on. Honestly, do not put up with this. Ignore him, and start making long term plans for your own future which may not include him.

If he won’t get a vasectomy or use condoms he needs to take responsibility for becoming a father again.

No, you do not need to have any cosmetic surgery, ever. He should be supporting and looking after you at 6 weeks pp.

He sounds thoroughly unpleasant. You can do much better. Get through the next 6 months, enjoy your lovely baby, and then think about whether he is who you want to spend the rest of your life with. You deserve much, much better.

OP that comment is not about "telling it straight". It's an attack on you - one aimed at an area where most women feel vulnerable, namely their bodies and how sexually attractive they are. Sorry you're facing this. If "straight talking" is his thing then he needs to hear that you're tired of the meanness and the undermining. You need support and love at an exhausting and challenging time.

Tell him he needs the snip and a ball bag smoothing and lifting procedure. Make sure you say it's for both of you.

I bet his balls also need to be levelled up.

Wow just wow hope you’re ok your husband sounds like a c u next Tuesday
tell him they are not his fun bags atm and when you have finished doing an amazing job in keeping 4 babies alive (well done btw my 3 had a bottle wish I could have BF )
you may decide to have a body overall and seek a new husband who isn’t a giant cockwomble

It's an asshole removal you need OP. Book yourself in ASAP.

You absolutely deserve a medal, 4 dc, 6 weeks postpartum and a knob for a husband!

If he was that bothered about having another baby he would have taken some responsibility.

I think that you are amazing.

Be very careful. Little digs are insidious and designed to rob you of your sense of self worth. And if this is all about having a 4th child to it feels ominous how he's going to treat that child as they grow.

Often little digs begin when you are being compared to someone else. I’d be suspicious of his phone behaviour atm.

Also, I would be ordering brochures about penis enlargement surgery, pec implants and hair loss clinics and leaving them on his pillow. (Maybe with extra hairs of his….)

Tell him to fuck right off! How dare he say that to you. He has no right saying a boob job would be good for both of you. Imagine what the surgeon would say if you said that’s the reason you want to get implants.

It’s a surgery that carries risks like any other. You’re anaesthetised. A surgeon slices your skin apart to insert foreign objects that you might or might not adapt to. You end up with scars. Implants don’t last a lifetime and it can be costly. How would he view your body if you got implants and later on decided to get them removed and not replaced? They stretch your skin. You might get Breast Implant Illness. If you wanted them removed and replaced it would cost even more money. Who is going to pay for it? Him? What if you get divorced- who pays for it then?

Lots of women are explanting with good reason. Lots of stories shared on YouTube. He should try watching some of those videos instead of watch the false titty brigade and telling you to sign up.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Xm178Njiu_I

Having had a mastectomy on one side and the nipple moved on the other side to match, I can say with authority that you will likely be left with any feeling at all in your boobs if you do have them altered. Still they’re only there for men to admire so who cares about that?

morning all, just wanted to pop back with a little update after all your replies yesterday (thank you again, honestly they gave me the courage to actually speak up instead of just sulking and crying about it).

i brought it up with him last night when the kids were in bed. i said straight out that what he said about my boobs was nasty and hurtful, and that i won’t ever be getting surgery to please him. i also told him if he wants to talk about surgery “for both of us” then the only thing on the table is a vasectomy.

he did that half laugh thing at first, then got defensive and said i was “overreacting” and he was “just being honest”. i didn’t back down though, i told him i’m sick of being chipped away at and i need him to stop making digs. he went quiet for a while after that and mumbled something about “not meaning to upset me” but there was no proper apology.

this morning he’s acting a bit sheepish, making extra cups of tea etc. i don’t know if that’s guilt or just trying to smooth things over without talking about it again.

so yeah, not some huge breakthrough, but at least i finally said it out loud. i’m glad i raised the vasectomy too because he actually looked rattled for once. funny how surgery isn’t such a casual suggestion when it’s his own body 🙄

Well done @Hoistraft you’ve actually got him thinking. I think where you’ve let things be in the past so as not to cause a row, he’s just got used to over stepping with comments (absolutely not on you by the way). As you’ve shown, you can say it’s not ok without having a massive row and while deflecting the ‘over reacting’ stuff. No, you didn’t over-react, he was unkind, thoughtless and what he said was hurtful and no, not ok. You shouldn’t have to parent him, but it is like with kids ‘no, we don’t do that, no, that is not ok’ and reinforcement every time. If it helps him change for the better - great. If nothing really changes, then you can think about whether you want to carry on etc.

And such minor surgery compared to boob jobs...

I'm pleased that the responses on this thread gave you a boost to speak up.
I hope he's learnt his lesson but be on your guard for this kind of behaviour in the future. You deserved to be cherished.

Oh well done OP! I don't know you but I'm really proud of you

That's good you raised it but if he just tries to carry on as normal i would say you want a sincere appology, if he cant do that then it shows he doesn't think hes done / said anything wrong and he will do similar again in the future.
Knock it on the head anytime he tries it.

Perhaps you could try understanding what the thread is actually about.

Well done don't allow him to bully you. Your body, mind and soul deserve peace.

Well done!
I would be really pushing the snip to be honest.
It's about time he stepped up

Agree! If not how would they deal with a 5th baby