DP embarrasing me over periods

[Bluebirdies]

I’m 30 I know I shouldn’t exactly be embarrassed by them (and deep down I’m not) but this is how DP is making me feel.

I was having really bad stomach cramps last night. He was asking me what was wrong and I told him and he pulled a disgusted face. Then this morning I had come on and he said “eww”

When he says these things, I do pull him up on them but he says he’s joking but they aren’t funny to me. For a while now I have been trying to make out what this means. Is it just something he’s grossed out by? Or is it an example of not really caring about me? I can’t work it out

So I know I know this will sound crazy but we have been together almost 13 years and have 2 children😬 I wonder if he’s just somebody who gets uncomfortable. I think it’s because we won’t have sex that week. Who knows

How was he through your pregnancy/birth etc OP?

If he's calling it gross because you won't have sex that week then you can add that to the list of reasons he's a pig.

Periods can definitely smell. Especially if the women wear pads. If she wears a pad, she is basically sitting in blood for hours. It smells.

I remember i always sat next to the same girl in school in science, and i always knew when she was on her period.

As i could smell it

Its not about shame.

I am a woman myself. I agree periods or nothing to be ashamed about. Poos are also nothing to be ashamed about.

However we wouldn't say at work "I am going for a poo now" would we. Because its not acceptable to talk about body functions

The same as saying "im on my period" at work, can gross people out aswell.

People don't want to hear about intimate body functions

What does smell is the misogyny of the above post.

Fresh period blood does NOT smell; you are referring to poor hygiene, not the inherent bad smell of periods. Obviously if someone sits in a full sanitary pad for hours, and it gets onto their clothes, that’s a different situation.

Can we stop this infantile narrative of periods being gross.

Not that I agree with comparison, but we're not talking about saying it at work are we? We're talking about OP's partner asking her what's wrong, in their own home, her answering, and him being grossed out.

Its not fresh period blood though is it.

Most women wear pads for 1-2 hours at least. Some wear them for 2-3 hours.

I have definitely smelled when women have been ok their period

Period blood smells when it reaches the air. I can smell my own even when I haven't been wearing a pad for long. Different types of pads absorb the smell better than others. None of this makes periods gross though. They're just part of being a woman.

When I tell my DP I’ve got my period he says “What can I do to make you feel better/more comfortable?”

He will happily go to the shops to get the products I need. We can laugh about these things together, with love, but be never ever makes me feel belittled or gross because of my normal bodily functions.

Your husband is behaving terribly and he needs to grow the fuck up. “Not getting sex” is an excuse to make you feel less than.

Period blood smells, everything has a smell, skin has a smell, hair has a smell. Things dont only have a scent because they're 'dirty'.

I think we've lost sight (smell) of what is actually human. Things have a smell

And in fact how our bodily fluids look and smell (and they used to taste them too), is a big indicator of our health

I can often smell period blood on people, including myself

Jesus Christ, talk about missing the point.

It is absolutely pathetic for a man to be ‘grossed out’ by a woman’s period, especially when she’s birthed his children.

Equating the smell of poo with period blood is ridiculous.

And no, I can’t smell when women are on their period - unless they have poor hygiene.

But we’re not discussing a work situation are we?
Women should be able to tell their partner that they are on their period without being made to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.
For many women being on their period also means being in physical discomfort. Why should women hide this or pretend it’s not happening just because some people aren’t mature enough to be able to discuss it like an adult?

She didn’t say all gay men are automatically disgusted by periods. The point, which seems to have gone right over your head, is that he seems to find WOMEN’S bodily functions disgusting, and therefore he might be better off with a man who won’t be able to disgust him with periods. I think your homophobia viewpoint is the odd one here.

My son is 17 and whilst not his favourite topic, he doesn’t behave like it’s disgusting. He knows how women work! 😄😄seemingly OP’s husband doesn’t!

Yes but not just at work.

I think some people find it makes them physically queasy to talk about blood. They cant control it

Like at work when a woman came up to me and said she had her period. I wanted to provide her comfort , but instantly my stomach felt nauseos. I couldnt help it.

One of my exes was very good about periods. He used to massage my stomach.

One of my exes - if he saw blood on the sheets said it was disgusting. He couldnt handle the sight of blood at all

can you address it? Husband every woman on the planet has periods and I’ve had two kids. What is your problem with this? It’s normal female anatomy….’

he should be the one feeling an idiot definitely not you

So sorry, if you're this queasy about blood, what do you do about your own periods?

How would you handle your child menstruating?

When a woman tells me she's on her period, I just think she's on her period. I don't think about her vagina. I don't think about the blood or get graphic images going through my mind about it.

You have a phobia. But women should still be able to mention it. You're a woman yourself. I'd find your disgust disturbing.

I expect that reaction from men of a certain generation and still find it fairly anachronistic, as if 50% of the population should all not bleed or mention it for their comfort, or they're disgusting.

Sex itself isn't a queasy clean activity is it? Lots of bodily fluids involved there, but people like the OPs partner don't seem to have an issue at all with those, when some come from the same orifice.

Your ex was being a dick for calling your period disgusting.

You can dislike something without calling it disgusting. You don’t need to make people feel bad because of an issue YOU have.

I have a phobia of something other people find very normal. I know this is a ‘me’ problem so don’t call people disgusting for not feeling the same way I do. That’s the point people are making.

Are they boys?

Either way, have a conversation with him to let him know this is not acceptable.

I disagree with you.

my own blood doesnt make me nauseous of course. The same as my own poo doesnt make me nauseous.

I dont have a phobia and i am not disturbing. Dont be so rude.

If we are talking about being in the workplace for example, I am realistic that talking about bodily functions can upset other people

We all poo.

If a man came up to you at work and said to you "I am going to do a big poo now".

Would you feel upset and uncomfortable. You don't want to know about it, right?

Really?
that’s such a shame.
I mean it’s not something you’d talk about in a restaurant while eating, anymore than you’d talk about pooing… but in a marriage with your husband?

You're expressions of obvious disgust over women's periods is worse than a few 'rude' comments.

And yes, you do have a phobia.

Even now you equated a woman simply mentioning that's she's on her period with a man saying he's going to do a 'big' poo.

Tell me how those expressions are even similar?

Earlier you said a women simply telling you her period has arrived made you think about her actual vagina and made you feel queasy and it was inappropriate therefore to mention. That is not normal. Why on earth would you think about another woman's actual vagina?

You may have thought such thoughts and reactions were normal before, but now are being told that it's unusual. Outside the norm. Because it is.

I have a phobia of heights. I feel queasy and dizzy in high places and can barely stand on a balcony. Went to a water slide in a park in Florida and had to push against a crowd of people to get off the stairway as I couldn't hack it. I know I have a phobia and I know my thinking is irrational and I own that.

I do not think others shouldn't mention their travels to mountain peaks or high places or think they're disgusting. Mentioning those things does not give me a negative feeling.

No one announces they're 'going to poo' (large or otherwise) and a woman doesn't say she is going to 'bleed'. They say they need to use the bathroom/lav or they're on their period. Anyone who finds the utterance of either phrase upsetting in metropolitan life is greatly over analysing it, deliberately framing it in a negative way and frankly showing a lack of control over their thinking.

Neither phrase is graphic in any way. Neither has connotations of misogyny in quite the same way as being 'upset' at the mere thought of a woman's normal bodily functions does either.

Sadly they'll always be a time when due to periods arriving early or endometriosis or PCOS or period poverty or some other issue a woman might have to confide that she needs help or support in dealing with it (borrow a pad, a trip to the shops to buy replacement knickers, time to use the bathroom, or buy pain meds) and how dreadful that they might avoid confiding in a man, but choose a woman, and that woman, who menstruates herself, gets the ick and finds it upsetting and finds it inappropriate that they even mentioned it.

Having a strong disgust response to periods is indicative of internalised misogyny. Periods are not inherently disgusting.

First of all: stop being so angry. It is not that serious

Periods and Poos are both bodily functions to excrete waste.

Nobody is delighted to hear about them. That is being realistic

Nobody is saying you need to be delighted.
Just don’t express disgust at women having periods. It’s not difficult.