Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you find your DH attractive?

333 replies

Thenamesmom · 28/08/2025 13:03

I’ve been with DH for 9 years but recently a situation happened where I was around a very attractive man (all innocent) but for the first time in many years I actually thought wow he’s attractive.

I actually felt quite guilty about it. I told DH and we both laughed about it as this man was literally created by god himself (he was Italian and Cuban) so you can only imagine.

It made me realise that I have never felt that about my DH? I don’t look at him and think oh my god I want to rip you clothes off. DH is quite short dad body and is balding quite quickly. It’s made me wonder if this is why our sex life has been affected as I’m not actually attracted to him. I love him to pieces but not attracted to him.

Im not perfect myself I’ve had 3 kids but made the effort to loose the weight and I still make an effort like I did pre kids.

Its left me feeling a bit confused in all honesty and I hope no one judges me from this post. Do you all find your husband/partners attractive?

OP posts:
User838960 · 28/08/2025 16:28

I find DP attractive but it's not so much to do with looks, it's more just his general person I find attractive - his look, his personality, our friendship. He isn't ageing amazingly, he isn't in perfect shape. I'm just attracted to 'him'. However, I don't want to RIP his clothes off ever, despite having ostensibly a great sex life and one that is very regular. I know for a fact he could never give me the 'ick'.

Applesonthelawn · 28/08/2025 16:29

Mine's definitely no oil painting but I like the shape of him, his maleness and the way he makes me feel. It also helps that I love so much about his character and the relationship we have built over the years. I'm always keen to have sex with him. But neither of us are fooling ourselves that we are irresistible.

TheOpalReader · 28/08/2025 16:29

I do, we've been together 15 years.

MyCoralHedgehog · 28/08/2025 16:29

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 28/08/2025 13:12

No I am not particularly attracted to my DH. He is nice looking but the 'dad bod' is off putting as he eats too much crap. I look after my body and health and the fact he doesnt gives me the ick somewhat.

Same here with mine.

Louisetopaz21 · 28/08/2025 16:31

I think my dh is absolutely gorgeous, he isn't traditionally good looking.

bananashoes · 28/08/2025 16:32

8 years and he’s the most attractive man I’ve ever met. I know how lucky I am- we are just as in love as we’ve ever been. When that ebbs a bit, we know it means we need to spend more time together. Our history and comfort together is one of the loveliest things about our relationship.

NimbleDreamer · 28/08/2025 16:32

I still fancy my husband after 17 years. Yes he's not quite as slim as he used to be and his hair has thinned a bit, but he is still gorgeous, funny, kind, caring etc.

It sounds like you've never really found your husband that physically attractive if I'm being honest.

FilthyforFirth · 28/08/2025 16:32

Yes I think my DH is fit, not all day, everyday but I usually look at him at some point and think mmm, I still want you. He has put on more weight than I would like but given he hasnt said a word about my 6 stone weight gain (have lost 4, 2 to go) I wont say anything.

ChelseaDetective · 28/08/2025 16:34

No, but I love him and have had 20 wonderful, peaceful years with him.

That’s plenty good enough for me.

godmum56 · 28/08/2025 16:34

post removed by me

Maternityleavelady · 28/08/2025 16:36

I mean not everyone in the world is attractive, but most people have partners - so I think it is quite possible to fall for someone’s personality but never find them objectively physically attractive

laundryjoy · 28/08/2025 16:37

Yes, I do - I did when we first got together over 32 years ago and I do now the last 2+ years we've been together again. I even love the parts of him that don't work anymore - despite on his way to being paraplegic, his legs are still lovely!

mickandrorty · 28/08/2025 16:37

My husband is better looking now than he was 16 years ago! He has always been bald but it suits him and he is not in bad shape for his age. I on the other hand have got fat, never wear make up now and forget to shower for days so not sure he would say the same about me 😂

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 28/08/2025 16:38

Been with DH for 25 years and still find him attractive.

However, that doesn't stop me looking at a whole of guys when I'm in the gym and thinking they look good! At nearly 50 though, I doubt they're looking at me thinking the same thing 😂

CherryOakAsh · 28/08/2025 16:38

I'm afraid not! And I suspect DH feels the same about me! Well, a lot has changed in the decades since we met! Neither of us has weathered well! We're stuck with each other now, as nobody else would look twice! 😂

Itstheshowgirl · 28/08/2025 16:39

Yes he is gorgeous but doesn’t see it which is a shame. I catch myself looking at him all the time just thinking wow he has the best eyes/perfect nose etc.

Of course I also think who he is inside is gorgeous too and that shines out of him.

butterdish93 · 28/08/2025 16:48

Yes he’s got an absolutely beautiful face and the most gorgeous eyes. He’s in good shape. We’re very tactile and we have a good sex life.

surely attraction isn’t a dark art that’s not defined by looks alone though. I can appreciate a beautiful person I see at random but I’ve never had the urge to rip anyone’s clothes off before I’ve at least had a conversation. It’s a vibe that’s sexually attractive I believe. Good looks are subjective and don’t define sexual attraction. They are of course a nice cherry on a cake as it’s nice to have beautiful things in your home, just like a candle or a nice cushion cover - these are things i don’t generally want to have sex with.

PizzaPowder · 28/08/2025 16:50

I knew my partner on a superficial level for maybe 10/15 years before we got together and never really thought much of him.

When I got to know him better I started finding him more and more physically attractive. I still fancy the pants off him but I never really did before we started seeing each other.

Deathinvegas · 28/08/2025 16:50

Thenamesmom · 28/08/2025 13:03

I’ve been with DH for 9 years but recently a situation happened where I was around a very attractive man (all innocent) but for the first time in many years I actually thought wow he’s attractive.

I actually felt quite guilty about it. I told DH and we both laughed about it as this man was literally created by god himself (he was Italian and Cuban) so you can only imagine.

It made me realise that I have never felt that about my DH? I don’t look at him and think oh my god I want to rip you clothes off. DH is quite short dad body and is balding quite quickly. It’s made me wonder if this is why our sex life has been affected as I’m not actually attracted to him. I love him to pieces but not attracted to him.

Im not perfect myself I’ve had 3 kids but made the effort to loose the weight and I still make an effort like I did pre kids.

Its left me feeling a bit confused in all honesty and I hope no one judges me from this post. Do you all find your husband/partners attractive?

Whoever said men age better than women was probably a man and probably deluded.
Either that or it’s something women say to soothe fragile male egos.

Isthismykarma · 28/08/2025 16:50

I find it so difficult to articulate and I feel quite guilty but…

I could be sat in a pub with friends and an objectively good looking man could sit with us and I genuinely wouldn’t be thinking about how his looks or fancy him at all. Obviously if somebody pointed it out I could agree.

Whereas, an objectively “ugly” (not a nice word but you know what I mean) man came and sat with us and chatted I might feel a vibe from the conversation and find myself attracted.

My best friend can’t see past looks.

I think it’s just so different for everyone. I can’t say I think my partner is particularly attractive when I think about it, and I don’t look at him and think wow you’re so fit let me rip your clothes off. But I think the connection and chemistry we have makes me think let me rip your clothes off.

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 28/08/2025 16:50

Very much so! I also find other men attractive too, likewise him with other women. We're both very open and honest about this 😊

theresnolimits · 28/08/2025 16:51

Married 40+ years and my DH is late 60s and yes, I still find him physically attractive.

TBH he was always a looker and has matured into a silver fox. He’s still the best looking man in any room we’re in to me. I have no idea why he’s with me and never have.

Svolvaer · 28/08/2025 16:51

I’ve known my DH since I was 14, I’m now 71 and yes I still find him sooo attractive.

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 28/08/2025 16:51

Not yet married but I find my partner increasingly hot. It's not why I'm with him but it helps!

Deathinvegas · 28/08/2025 16:53

Thenamesmom · 28/08/2025 13:03

I’ve been with DH for 9 years but recently a situation happened where I was around a very attractive man (all innocent) but for the first time in many years I actually thought wow he’s attractive.

I actually felt quite guilty about it. I told DH and we both laughed about it as this man was literally created by god himself (he was Italian and Cuban) so you can only imagine.

It made me realise that I have never felt that about my DH? I don’t look at him and think oh my god I want to rip you clothes off. DH is quite short dad body and is balding quite quickly. It’s made me wonder if this is why our sex life has been affected as I’m not actually attracted to him. I love him to pieces but not attracted to him.

Im not perfect myself I’ve had 3 kids but made the effort to loose the weight and I still make an effort like I did pre kids.

Its left me feeling a bit confused in all honesty and I hope no one judges me from this post. Do you all find your husband/partners attractive?

Also anyone who goes on about how sexy their DH is I also think, it’s cute that you think so but i bet he isn’t.