Money 'borrowed'

[Alice19876]

I got married three years ago. To my husband who is a tradie who works hard for our family while I stay home with our twins who are 18 months old.
I am very lucky to be a stay at home mom and my husband works very hard to provide for us we don't live beyond our means and have one holiday abroad a year and one year in England.
when we got engaged we planned a Cyprus wedding but due to Covid that fell apart and we lost about 1.5k in deposits.
due to this we decided to have a cheap uk wedding in December in a beautiful venue that does packages nothing I don't regret. Now here comes the issue, I'm an only child and when my parents were there during my engagement they was over the moon for me they even offered 10k to get married abroad and I was shocked but so thankful. But obviously due to Covid the wedding abroad it never went ahead. Since we moved the wedding to the uk and it coming a lot more my parents said it was ok the budget was still the same. While we paid other fees. ,then they made changes to the wedding ie the evening wedding food was a basic package but my dad wanted the upgrade to a hog roast which was 1.5k including other changes, my wedding dress they said not to worry so we went shopping for my dress I found a lovely one for £800 but my mom made me try on a 2.5k dress with a 1k veil and extras. But they reassured me, I'm their only child and little girl it's okay. Then added extras as their friends are coming, a harpist which they wanted etc so it came about 10k but we put the rest.

happy wedding and all good until yesterday. My parents informed me the wedding money they 'loaned' me they need back in a year. It wasn't ever a loan and I'm shocked. It's been 3 years and never mentioned once. My dad is taking early retirement this year which I don't blame him but they want the money to go on a cruise. As I mentioned I'm a stay at home mom to twins and also now another baby on the way. Where do I get this money from? When all along for 3 years plus the year before telling me not to worry. I feel sick, I have such a good relationship with my parents so I don't want this to affect our relationship. But I don't have a spare 10k they told me I shouldn't have gone on holiday this year and gave them the money instead but they have never mentioned this before!? If it was a loan it would've been paid back since we first got married. I can't sleep as I'm so worried. Aibu? Do I just take a loan out?

So sorry for the loss of your dog. It's unbelievably cruel for your parents to stop you from saying goodbye to him. Do they have form for this kind of spiteful behaviour? It just seems so extreme as you are an only child and and they will miss out on their only grandchildren.

I'm assuming by your updates that it's your parents that have involved lawyers. Gosh, that's going to be hard to come from especially when you are proven right. Do you have any Aunts/Uncles/Cousins on that side that you can keep lines of communication open.

I am so sorry this is happening to you, it must be so stressful.

OP I am so sorry about your dog. Is there honestly, hand on heart, no possible way they have a point here?

If not then they are wicked people to do this to you. But how incredibly heart breaking and awful for you. I am so sorry :(

That’s very weird.

If you want to have a relationship with them you could try to come to a compromise but you are not obliged to pay them a penny and they wouldn’t have a leg to stand on legally.

Sad. Are you sure there is not something enornous that they are not telling you? Did they forget to tell you that really you are a foster child or that Dad has terminal cancer or that they are getting a divorce.
Very bizarre. You are better off without them while they are so conflicted with how they used to be.

How heartbreaking, to lose so much so fast. Sending a shoulder squeeze. Be gentle with yourself.

Have you not slept well? Wtf are you on about?!

In all honesty, I’d not bother to contact them, they can squirm for a while. Bloody cheek re the gas lighting about the money, then being completely controlling by dangling your inheritance like that - nasty! I wouldn’t even tell them about your baby, sod them

I'm so sorry about your dog and that your parents are so mean and spiteful that they stopped you saying goodbye. Their behaviour is inexplicable. As you needed to get legal advice and your parents have now cut you off, I assume that the legal outcome was that the money was a gift.

Your parents will definitely be the losers in this situation. They won't get to see their new grandchild and their relationship with their daughter and grandchildren will be gone. They have thrown this away themselves through their greed and spite. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this horrible situation while you are pregnant.

I am so sorry. I can imagine how betrayed and sad you feel. Money brings out the worst in people, but refusing to let you see your dog one last time shows how cruel and vindictive they are. Wishing you all the best for a future filled with love with your husband and soon-to-be-three little ones xx.

I'm sorry op this sounds awful x

Op your parents are callous cruel monsters. You are pregnant and they are making life as difficult as they possibly can for you. I’d be going no contact for the SAFETY of your beautiful baby. They really will stop at nothing to control you.

You can not bring a baby into this world and subject them to this kind of toxicity. It’s absolutely dreadful how they have treated you.

Try to remember the happier memories with your dog and see this clearly as the level they will stoop to in order to cause you harm.

The inheritance is blackmail, and who cares about money when it comes to behaviour like this? They will be paying you for their cruelty for decades and will probably leave it for the cats home anyway!

Carve out a calm, kind and gentle world for you, your dp and baby op. If you could map out a life that you most like to have what would it look like? Would you feel relaxed, peaceful, loved?

I’d say they’re panicking money wise and looking to recoup whatever they can to make this holiday happen but op- they can’t! You can’t just randomly call back money from people if you never actually said it was a loan!!!

Ah op I missed the final updates, I’m so sorry, hope things get easier for you. Horrific x

You poor lamb. You’re pregnant and you have small children. You don’t need this stress. Please try not to be bitter (though you certainly have cause). Step back, breathe, lean into your husband and your children and their love. Don’t contact your parents. If they want you, they will be in touch, but it has to be on your terms. If you need to, allow your husband to lay out the terms to them - he can be a buffer, let him protect his family. Do not allow yourself to feel guilty; you’ve done nothing wrong. Xx

So sorry to read your update. As parents, I think most of us would do anything we can to help our children but, sadly, your parents are not like this. I can’t understand their behaviour. Wishing you well with the birth of your new baby and wishing you much happiness with your own family.

Not allowing you to say goodbye to your dog is cruel and so unnecessary. I wouldn’t be able to get past that and the fact they’ve done this whilst you’re pregnant. They are wasting their money on lawyers as first thing they will ask is where the loan agreement is. Also fact they’ve not asked where their repayments are for this so called loan and why they’ve not mentioned it for 3yrs. If they are tight on money they should release some equity as PP have suggested too. Especially if they are leaving their money to charity (odd they wouldn’t leave it to their grandchildren at least if you’re out of their will). It’s sad they are prepared to lose their daughter and grandchildren over this.

Well they've well and truly revealed who they really are!

How nasty, you're much better off without these people in your life - if they can be this cruel to you, imagine what they could do to your kids!

When they come crawling back because they're potless and lonely, please respond with 'who? No, sorry I don't know you, goodbye'.

Sorry to hear your update. Your parents have now shown themselves to be spiteful on top of everything else.

I've just read your update.

I'm happy for you that you found the evidence to show it was never a loan, as it helps your parents understand why you've cut contact. It's in their own words, and they now changed the deal.

I'm so sorry for you that you're having to go all through this. I hope that with time, they will slowly come around and recognise what they've done.

All the best

Sorry to read your update @Alice19876 and it's all so upsetting.

I would never treat my adult children like this, your parents should be ashamed.

I'm sure you will be a much, much more loving parent yourself and I wish you well going forward.

Aww, how sad that they didn't let you say goodbye to your beloved pet 😢
I guess this demonstrates very clearly who your parents really are.

I went NC with my parents a long while ago. I initially found it upsetting but as time went on, I felt more at peace with it.
Just trying to say, hang in there. Your relationship with them may have irrevocably changed but it doesn't mean you have to be miserable for ever about it.

That’s awful I’m sorry they’re treating you like this. Has your lawyer suggested they have any kind of case at all?

I'm so sorry OP - I wish I could give you a hug x I've read all your posts and you've done nothing wrong - it's them.

Can I be honest? They sound like they liked having a level of control over you and telling you what to do - re the wedding was a part of that. The money was a way to control. And when they don't have that, they're being really really nasty.

Perhaps in the future you'll have a healthier relationship, - one as equals. But right now, focus on you, your lovely DH and your gorgeous little ones x

Am so sorry for this horrible distressing situation and also for the loss of your dog.
They seem totally united in this awful behaviour can only assume it’s the retirement and loss of income that has led to it. Or possibly you having a 3rd child, maybe they feel it’s irresponsible if you can’t afford it or are jealous as they only had one?? Have no idea why they would behave like this, it’s appalling to hear about.

I'm the same age as your 'D'Parents. The way they are behaving makes no sense at all.

It does sound like they have got themselves worked up about the money. Who knows why. Deciding that the £100 gift card was their wedding 'gift' sounds like mental gymnastics to justify their actions.

Your parents sound very arrogant and extremely shortsighted. They probably don't realise it but they are at the age when they should be drawing family closer not pushing it away.

I have found being cut out of my DM's will rather freeing. We are now at the care home stage so there won't be a lot left anyway.