Money 'borrowed'

[Alice19876]

I got married three years ago. To my husband who is a tradie who works hard for our family while I stay home with our twins who are 18 months old.
I am very lucky to be a stay at home mom and my husband works very hard to provide for us we don't live beyond our means and have one holiday abroad a year and one year in England.
when we got engaged we planned a Cyprus wedding but due to Covid that fell apart and we lost about 1.5k in deposits.
due to this we decided to have a cheap uk wedding in December in a beautiful venue that does packages nothing I don't regret. Now here comes the issue, I'm an only child and when my parents were there during my engagement they was over the moon for me they even offered 10k to get married abroad and I was shocked but so thankful. But obviously due to Covid the wedding abroad it never went ahead. Since we moved the wedding to the uk and it coming a lot more my parents said it was ok the budget was still the same. While we paid other fees. ,then they made changes to the wedding ie the evening wedding food was a basic package but my dad wanted the upgrade to a hog roast which was 1.5k including other changes, my wedding dress they said not to worry so we went shopping for my dress I found a lovely one for £800 but my mom made me try on a 2.5k dress with a 1k veil and extras. But they reassured me, I'm their only child and little girl it's okay. Then added extras as their friends are coming, a harpist which they wanted etc so it came about 10k but we put the rest.

happy wedding and all good until yesterday. My parents informed me the wedding money they 'loaned' me they need back in a year. It wasn't ever a loan and I'm shocked. It's been 3 years and never mentioned once. My dad is taking early retirement this year which I don't blame him but they want the money to go on a cruise. As I mentioned I'm a stay at home mom to twins and also now another baby on the way. Where do I get this money from? When all along for 3 years plus the year before telling me not to worry. I feel sick, I have such a good relationship with my parents so I don't want this to affect our relationship. But I don't have a spare 10k they told me I shouldn't have gone on holiday this year and gave them the money instead but they have never mentioned this before!? If it was a loan it would've been paid back since we first got married. I can't sleep as I'm so worried. Aibu? Do I just take a loan out?

I would pay the money back as follows:
10k
less 1.5k for extra amount for your fathers upgrade of food package
less 2.7k upgrade for dress and veil your mother insisted on
less extras for their friends coming and harpist
less the amount your husband would have charged a regular customer for the work he has done for free on your parents place.

I'd type up the value owed and the deductions and I think depending on how much work your husband has done you'll end up with a very low bill or perhaps even be in credit. If it's a low bill I'd pay that at the same time I handed over calculations. If you are in credit, I'd send them an invoice.

Off topic, but out of interest how did this work?

You worked all night then looked after 3 small children all day? When did you sleep?

Yes, I would literally be awake for 36 hours twice a week, after a few times I soon got used to it!
Obviously got easier when the children went to nursery or school

They encouraged you to overspend and now want you to pay back as they have changed their mind since you are unable to do so, what are they going to do ?
There's no formal agreement , they can't make you reimburse them, do they want to go nc and loose their grandchildren, they are vbu.

You don't give to your DC with one hand and take back with the other.
Remind them who push for the additional expenses, you wouldn't have spend so much if you knew it was a loan and you can't afford it with 2 children and another one on the way.

I am astounded. They pushed up the price of your wedding, but it was a loan and they didn’t tell you that it was a loan???? Then change their minds and want their money back!!!! What parents do this???? I wouldn’t give them a penny. Let them take you to court; they haven’t a leg to stand on. If they cut you off you’re better off without them - and I really mean that you are better off without these fickle bastards.

They didn’t give or loan you anything. They paid the suppliers themselves. There isn’t anything to payback from you.

I've already said I believe your parents are being mean. However what gets me is they want some extra cash to fund holidays, a cruise! I'd have thought paying for your daughter's wedding would trump a cruise any day. If they are even thinking about cruises they can't be hard up.

Have you spoken to your parents OP?

15 pages of advice and yet the OP does not update us on the situation 🤔

I agree with a previous poster. Instruct them to deduct it from your inheritance if they so wish.

I’d not mention that, you might find any inheritance goes elsewhere!

I was going to say surely parents wouldn't be so fickle,then I realised this is the OP's parents we are talking about 😬

Update.
sorry I've been mia a lot has happened. As till now lawyers are involved.,
I've got all evidence it wasn't a 'loan' my parents have said my inheritance will go to charity. Which is fine.
also my dog who we all bought together last week had to be put to sleep long story short but she stayed with parents as she loved them but I had her every two weeks or she stayed at mine. I wasn't allowed to say goodbye or be there. 16 years she was in my life.
I wish I had the answers as to why my parents have done this to me, I still cry and worry everyday, I just hope parents watching this thread never treat their children like this.
as I mentioned I'm an only child. I feel alone even though I have my children and one on the way

I've just updated. It's been a few weeks of hell for me, cutting contact with my parents and losing my dog who I wasn't allowed to say bye to. Also pregnant. It's too much.

Sorry for the late reply but as now my inheritance is just going to charity I will not be getting a 'single penny as I've been so selfish' that is there words I'm ok I will be at peace. But I've cut all contact.

sorru for your losses and hope you manage to find joy with your own little family

This is so sad 🫂

I’m so sorry to hear it’s been tricky and you’ve had to get lawyers involved. How did they stop you seeing your dog? So unkind

Wow Alice - i'm so incredibly sorry. You deserve so much better. I'm so sorry about your dog. Your parents sound crazy and very cruel. Them asking for this back, and considering the free work your husband has done, is just ridiculous.

They should not be putting you under this stress when you're pregnant. I hope if you have inlaws, they are much nicer.

Oh I am so sorry.

Seems like their profligate spending has come to an end as they have run out of money to spend on such luxuries, and there wouldnt have been much of an inheritance anyway when the time comes.

Presumably they dont want to realise equity in their home? Or perhaps already have.

My parents were like this: cheated DH & me out of a sum of money by interfering in our wedding. I went NC over them lying & cheating (& much worse).

Decades later my father died & left everything to his second wife, which is fine. But when I got a copy of his will, he'd deliberately put my brother, another relative & a charity in it to get the lot, & not mentioned me at all. He was as useless & abusive to me in death as he was in life.

I'm just saying this to say, you're not alone in your experience, OP, & you're not alone because there are loads of us wishing you well.

This must've been a big shock to you, so take time to mourn everything including your beloved dog, & readjust to what I hope will be a freer life for you. It does get better.

You didn't take out a £10k loan, therefore you don't have to pay back a £10k loan.

Don't let them bully you into believing otherwise.

I’d point out that you didn’t want half the stuff they pushed for. The more expensive food, the dress & you certainly wouldn’t have invited their friends to your wedding. I’d explain that you haven’t got the money & will have to take a loan out & in future I’d accept no gifts off them again other than birthdays & Christmas’s

Oh bless you. Try not to stress too much, you need to be as calm as you can. Concentrate on your twins and the new baby that is due.
Good luck going forward and wishing you well.x