DH stole from me

[Odonje]

At the weekend DH and I went to Knaresborough for a day out - famous for its sausage rolls and pork pies. I don’t like pork pies so I was very much looking forward to the lovely sausage rolls we bought in the bakery. It wasn’t a sausage roll, it was a bean roll but these are just as famous and they looked delicious. DH gobbled his up immediately whereas I took mine home to eat later in comfort of my own home.

later that evening, I wanted to try it but didn’t want the whole thing so I ripped a bit off the end to eat and kept the rest wrapped up in the fridge ready to eat today. I was very much looking forward to it. At lunch time I put my soup on and went to get the sausage roll - it wasn’t there. I messaged DH and he didn’t reply (coward) so I called his work place who went to find him. He denied it at first but eventually admitted to running off with it this morning. I’m gutted. I know it’s a small thing and it’s just a sausage roll but it’s the disrespect, the lies, the outright disregard for my feelings. Latest in a long line of events. Icing on the cake.

I have told him he has no moral compass and the bastard has gone to look up moral compass on yahoo to prove that it’s not a thing. I want it replaced. At the very least I want an apology. AIBU to refuse to cook him dinner or make him coffee until he apologises and promises to replace it.

I am absolutely not joking when I say that taking food that you know full well is someone else’s and that they’ve been looking forward to, with no remorse or compunction, is a very very low thing to do and would be very upset indeed op.

It also sounds like this is the thin end of a very nasty wedge.

I'm guessing there is a wider back story. Including him being a greedy selfish prick

He shouldn’t have taken your bean roll.

But Christ, you called his work and made them drag him to the phone to confront him about something you weren’t bothered enough about to eat more than a corner of for two days…..

She sent one of his colleagues to fetch him and bring him to the phone. That’s not exactly like sending a text that he can check at a convenient time.

Also, assuming said colleague wasn’t answering DP’s mobile that means she called the actual office number. It’s mad.

Jesus christ just go to greggs get a new bean roll or whatever , move on wih your life and get a fucking grip

The title made me think he'd run off with all your savings... but I had no idea it was as bad as this.

He's a truffle pig isn't he?
I think that baked good was calling to him and he couldn't deny it. Addicted to carbs unfortunately. It reminds me of the parable of the kid who ate everything all at once and had nothing and their sibling who prudently saved their goodies for an emergency, but discovered the first kid had nipped in and nicked it. Or is that one of Aesop's fables.. How will they cross the river?

How abjectly sorry is he OP. I think you should buy some delicacies for yourself and eat them in front of him without giving him any. That will learn him!,. What alternative revenge have you dreamt up.

But seriously. I hope this isn't a pattern, otherwise I'm afraid you have a case of what's mine is yours and what's yours will be swiped and consumed by me before you have a chance to even think about it.

I don’t think you should refuse to cook his dinner.
I think you should promise to make his very favourite meal in a few days time.
Give him regular updates about ingredients, let him smell the food being prepared, reassure him how good it will be, etc
Then on the day dish it up and feed it to your dog / next door’s cat/ put it in the bin 😡

Please tell me you didnt actually call his work. Deeper issues or not that is embarrassing. You should have waited until he got home

Is yahoo still going?!

Anyway, this whole thing is bonkers, just get another bean roll.

I was with you until you phoned him at work; massive over reaction and I would be pretty annoyed about that part-its humiliating surely, what if one of his colleagues asked, is everything all right, thinking its an emergency-I'm not sure how comfortable anyone would be explaining the real reason for the call.

I actually know someone who did this to their husband-phoned them at work to yell at them over something trivial (it wasn't food, but similar idea to this). I was gobsmacked.

However, definitely out of order and selfish & I would expect an exact replacement and an apology. But I wouldn't phone his work. If this is, like you alluded to, just a symptom of a much bigger problem I get why you are furious. Maybe this is the final straw for you both.

You called his work?! 😳

I’d be fucked off and expecting him to find a suitable replacement, but calling his company to hunt him down at work is bonkers.

Honestly:

a) you can’t have been that desperate to try it if you bought it and just shoved it in the fridge
b) it would have been manky by now. Baked goods and multiple days in the fridge generally don’t mix.
c) what a ridiculous overreaction.

Right, if this had been an actual sausage roll... I would have said LTB, however it is an ersatz, albeit tasty bean roll so I am going to suggest counselling and separation with a stipend for weekly bean rolls with the occasional sausage roll thrown in until such a time as you forgive him... I would add a further action of one being delivered each Saturday until one or other of you shuffles off this morrtal coil and that you have to eat in front of him, so he can appreciate the pain.

PS I am available for mediation, if necessary.

I live near Knaresborough and have no idea what a bean roll is. Are they really famous?

No, it’s not about the the sausage roll, it’s about the Bean Roll!

Unless there’s a massive backstory to drip feed you are waaaay overreacting!

It’s not about the fucking sausage roll!!

Sometimes the sausage roll (or cup above the dishwasher) is just the last straw.

Honestly this. I can't imagine on what planet I could get upset about this.

And you LOVE your deferred gratification 😁😁😁

I sympathise. I posted a few years ago about how my DH, who was a SAHD at the time, had done nothing for my milestone birthday but my work colleagues had bought me a beautiful surprise chocolate sponge and cream cake. We ate some at the office and I took the rest home. I shared some with DH and half of it was left when I went to work the next day. I came home from work, really looking forward to a slice, to find that he had eaten the lot! He hadn’t left any of my milestone birthday cake for me!

I did have it out with him and he was very contrite. And I was able to forgive him because he has always made birthday cakes for me the past, he made one for me the following weekend, and he was going through a tough period of being a SAHD, and there was probably some self-pitying or depression involved.

Having said that I’ve not forgotten it.

Up to 24 hours after buying it and I'd have been fully on your side but who leaves a sausage (or bean) roll so long before eating it? That's the crime!

I had a similar moment at the end of my marriage. XH finished off over half a bottle of champagne that had been gifted to me. He avoided answering my texts too, and when I blew up over it, apparently I should have told him I didn't want him to drink my champagne.

It's when I realised he'd stopped loving me and my dishes by the sink moment.

All the best in what's coming in your journey ahead in your relationship.

I don't b think I can add anything to the respect/ disrespect really but it's the pastry that goes manky after being in the fridge for 3 days, not so much the filling but it sounds like you have other issues

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The only thing YABU about is suggesting that it's your job to make his dinner and coffee in the first place.